diaryofanegress

Observations of an Invisible Woman

Archive for the tag “sprituality”

My 300th Post

I realized that this post will be my 300th post! I started out my posts trying to innerstand this mad world and ended up creating something I never dreamed of: A cyber African family. I’m so grateful for all of you that have found my energy and permeated me with your insightfulness, your thoughts, your opinions, your stories, your help and your support. In the beginning I felt as if I was drowning. I was in a tumultuous spot in my life and needed an outlet. I went back to my first love, writing, and found refuge.

The funny thing about life is looking back and seeing where you came from, what sparked your change and what road you decided to travel. I was lucky. I had my awakening in a Chinese take-out restaurant and from there I couldn’t look back even if I tried. I began to notice things that I never knew were there before. Like how ALL black neighbourhoods:

Have a check cashing place

A fast food/ fried chicken joint

A liquor/ cigarette shop

A dirty laundromat

A hair care/wig shop owned by people who look nothing like us

No fresh greens/ organic food shops

A pawn shop

And a medical clinic that you would not bring your gerbil to

Jah gave me the ability to “see” past the lies, temptations and the fogginess at this precise moment because it was simply my time. I finally overstand that now. I’m grateful for the pain, the sorrow, the tears, the sleepless nights, the feelings of hopelessness because it prompted me to try and do better. Without my journey of near madness, I would have never been able to know who my enemy is, why he is here, why I am here and what needs to be done.

May I admit a secret?

A month ago, I was getting ready to go out. I glanced in the mirror and The Spirit told me to stop cutting my hair. The glance became a hard stare and I saw myself as a Ras; my head and shoulders covered with long, thick insane-looking hair cascading past my back. I almost didn’t recognize myself but it was indeed me. I saw my own vision of what I will become. I no longer question anything The Great Spirit tells me so I immediately gathered my shearers and put them in my cubby.

I’m awaiting more “instructions” from Her. As I grow, I feel more fulfilled. Funny thing is, the more I awaken from my sleep, the more I disconnect from this reality. The more I disconnect from this reality, the more I can spot the lies and half-truths and figure out why I am being mislead and how to counter it.

I hope that this journey has been/ will be fulfilling for all of you. Tell me, what have you learned from your journey into awakening? What areas do you feel you need to work on?

The Healing Trinity

I get many emails, personal ones at that, about the strain of the healing process while living in white racist AmeriKlan. We brown folks sure do deal with a lot don’t we? I’m no expert at healing…for me, it has become a lifelong process to un-brainwash myself from this disease I have. Some days, I am  strong and assured. Other days, I struggle terribly…I cry, need isolation from those that seek to destroy me and beg God for strength. But being a black woman, being compassionate and deeply loving my people, I wanted to share with my brothers and sisters the way I do it. I wrote a “Trinity for Healing” post for your reading pleasure. This is just my own personal way of coping. I hope that one day, God will rectify the wrongs and from the look of things…he’s already begun.

1. First lesson: The physical.

Why the physical? Because humans are prone to anger. Since the day in the garden when Cain killed Abel, we’ve been in deep shit. But vengeance belongeth to the Lord. So you must find a way to release that anger physically but constructively. My physical release is my gardening/farming. Gardening is hard work and is very labour intensive. We blacks are natural and gifted farmers. Because of us, America grew rich and flourished. Because of us, others ate and grew fat. Because of us, others were able to emulate our inborn skills and survived. When I pull up weeds, tackle a tough zucchini root and try to dig hard dirt into soft, pliable earth, I release my anger into something edible, nutritious and good for the soul. I reap the benefits of my rage with homemade soups, garlic bread, apple-zucchini muffins and oatmeal raisin bread. My family and friends LOVE to come over to feast on my homegrown herbs: basil, chives, spearmint, peppermint, dill and parsley( my brother’s favourite ), which my mom steals (LOL!), and we bond over. Please find your physical release. But…do not fall into the traps of “The Plan.” Let it be constructive and good for you.

2. Second Lesson: The emotional.

This is hard. Being an Original Person of Earth, we blacks feel intensely. And unfortunately, causes depression. Depression is a cancer of the soul. A good friend told me last night that “depression for blacks is genetic.” I’ve never heard anyone put it so simply yet so clearly. Bringing up all the hurt and pain allows your flesh to be scrubbed raw…your mind to become twisted and your heart violated. Write it out. Keep a journal. This blog is my online journal. I express myself freely, truthfully, potently and angrily. And I never apologize for it. Say what you feel. Let it out!!!! Cry, scream, do as you must to release the pain. Depression will kill you. It causes backaches, headaches, vomiting, diarrhea and is linked to heart disease and cancer, yes, cancer and early death. AmeriKlan will surely laugh with glee if we perished. And please stop eating raw sugar which is as addictive as heroin. Ween yourself off of that poison. We used to eat raw sugar cane or “granny’s molasses” which had real nutritional value. Well guess what? “The Plan” took care of that. (A post yet to come on why certain foods changed…)Emotions need to be released. BUT CONSTRUCTIVELY.

3. Third Lesson: The creative.

Why creativity? Because it’s important to have “an outlet.” Africans are writers, artists, painters, poets, musicians, dancers, singers, philosphers…we started music before it was called “music“. Our dancing was documented when we “sung and danced before the Lord”. Our creative side comes from pain and sorrow five hundred years in the making. Allow yourself to discover your creative release. Manifest that terror you face everyday into beauty…but, again, constructively….My friend is a graffiti/magic-marker artist. And she is superb! With her permission, I will post some images for your pleasure in the future.

Use this simple guideline to combat “The Plan.” And as it goes here in AmeriKlan, it will not be easy. Everything that you do in order to heal yourself will be met with opposition…like my blog with the racist comments from threatened whites. But work on this daily till it becomes second nature…I do.

Peace…

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