diaryofanegress

Observations of an Invisible Woman

Archive for the tag “misogynoir”

Required Reading for Black Women

Black Male Privilege Checklist

         Leadership & Politics

  1. I don’t have to choose my race over my sex in political matters.
  2. When I read African American History textbooks, I will learn mainly about black men.
  3. When I learn about the Civil Rights Movement & the Black Power Movements, most of the leaders that I will learn about will be black men.
  4. I can rely on the fact that in the near 100-year history of national civil rights organizations such as the NAACP and the Urban League, virtually all of the executive directors have been male.
  5. I will be taken more seriously as a political leader than black women.
  6. Despite the substantial role that black women played in the Civil Rights Movement and Black Power Movement, currently there is no black female that is considered a “race leader”.
  7. I can live my life without ever having read black feminist authors, or knowing about black women’s history, or black women’s issues.
  8. I can be a part of a black liberation organization like the Black Panther Party where an “out” rapist Eldridge Cleaver can assume leadership position.
  9. I will make more money than black women at equal levels of education and occupation.
  10. Most of the national “opinion framers” in Black America including talk show hosts and politicians are men.Beauty 
  11. I have the ability to define black women’s beauty by European standards in terms of skin tone, hair, and body size. In comparison, black women rarely define me by European standards of beauty in terms of skin tone, hair, or body size.
  12. I do not have to worry about the daily hassles of having my hair conforming to any standard image of beauty the way black women do.
  13. I do not have to worry about the daily hassles of being terrorized by the fear of gaining weight. In fact, in many instances bigger is better for my sex.
  14. My looks will not be the central standard by which my worth is valued by members of the opposite sex.Sex & Sexuality
  15. I can purchase pornography that typically shows men defile women by the common practice of the “money shot.”
  16. I can believe that causing pain during sex is connected with a woman’s pleasure without ever asking her.
  17. I have the privilege of not wanting to be a virgin, but preferring that my wife or significant other be a virgin.
  18. When it comes to sex if I say “No”, chances are that it will not be mistaken for “Yes”.
  19. If I am raped, no one will assume that “I should have known better” or suggest that my being raped had something to do with how I was dressed.
  20. I can use sexist language like bonin’, laying the pipe, hittin-it, and banging that convey images of sexual acts based on dominance and performance.
  21. I can live in a world where polygamy is still an option for men in the United States as well as around the world.
  22. In general, I prefer being involved with younger women socially and sexually
  23. In general, the more sexual partners that I have the more stature I receive among my peers.
  24. I have easy access to pornography that involves virtually any category of sex where men degrade women, often young women.
  25. I have the privilege of being a part of a sex where “purity balls” apply to girls but not to boys.
  26. When I consume pornography, I can gain pleasure from images and sounds of men causing women pain.Popular Culture
  27. I come from a tradition of humor that is based largely on insulting and disrespecting women; especially mothers.
  28. I have the privilege of not having black women, dress up and play funny characters- often overweight- that are supposed to look like me for the entire nation to laugh.
  29. When I go to the movies, I know that most of the leads in black films are men. I also know that all of the action heroes in black film are men.
  30. I can easily imagine that most of the artists in Hip Hop are members of my sex.
  31. I can easily imagine that most of the women that appear in Hip Hop videos are there solely to please men
  32. Most of lyrics I listen to in hip-hop perpetuate the ideas of males dominating women, sexually and socially.
  33. I have the privilege of consuming and popularizing the word pimp, which is based on the exploitation of women with virtually no opposition from other men.
  34. I can hear and use language bitches and hoes that demean women, with virtually no opposition from men.
  35. I can wear a shirt that others and I commonly refer to as a “wife beater” and never have the language challenged.
  36. Many of my favorite movies include images of strength that do not include members of the opposite sex and often are based on violence.
  37. Many of my favorite genres of films, such as martial arts, are based on violence.
  38. I have the privilege of popularizing or consuming the idea of a thug, which is based on the violence and victimization of others with virtually no opposition from other men.Attitudes/Ideology
  39. I have the privilege to define black women as having “an attitude” without referencing the range of attitudes that black women have.
  40. I have the privilege of defining black women’s attitudes without defining my attitudes as a black man.
  41. I can believe that the success of the black family is dependent on returning men to their historical place within the family, rather than in promoting policies that strengthen black women’s independence, or that provide social benefits to black children.
  42. I have the privilege of believing that a woman cannot raise a son to be a man.
  43. I have the privilege of believing that a woman must submit to her man.
  44. I have the privilege of believing that before slavery gender relationships between black men and women were perfect.
  45. I have the privilege of believing that feminism is anti-black.
  46. I have the privilege of believing that the failure of the black family is due to the black matriarchy.
  47. I have the privilege of believing that household responsibilities are women’s roles.
  48. I have the privilege of believing that black women are different sexually than other women and judging them negatively based on this belief.Sports
  49. I will make significantly more money as a professional athlete than members of the opposite sex will.
  50. In school, girls are cheerleaders for male athletes, but there is no such role for males to cheerlead for women athletes.
  51. My financial success or popularity as a professional athlete will not be associated with my looks.
  52. I can talk about sports or spend large portions of the day playing video games while women are most likely involved with household or childcare duties.
  53. I can spend endless hours watching sports TV and have it considered natural.
  54. I can touch, hug, or be emotionally expressive with other men while watching sports without observers perceiving this behavior as sexual.
  55. I know that most sports analysts are male.
  56. If I am a coach, I can motivate, punish, or embarrass a player by saying that the player plays like a girl.
  57. Most sports talk show hosts that are members of my race are men.
  58. I can rest assured that most of the coaches -even in predominately-female sports within my race are male.
  59. I am able to play sports outside without my shirt on and it not be considered a problem.
  60. I am essentially able to do anything inside or outside without my shirt on, whereas women are always required to cover up.Diaspora/Global
  61. I have the privilege of being a part of a sex where the mutilation and disfigurement of a girl’s genitalia is used to deny her sexual sensations or to protect her virginity for males.
  62. I have the privilege of not having rape be used as a primary tactic or tool to terrorize my sex during war and times of conflict.
  63. I have the privilege of not being able to name one female leader in Africa or Asia, past or present, that I pay homage to the way I do male leaders in Africa and/or Asia.
  64. I have the ability to travel around the world and have access to women in developing countries both sexually and socially.
  65. I have the privilege of being a part of the sex that starts wars and that wields control of almost all the existing weapons of war and mass destruction.College
  66. In college, I will have the opportunity to date outside of the race at a much higher rate than black women will.
  67. I have the privilege of having the phrase “sewing my wild oats” apply to my sex as if it were natural.
  68. I know that the further I go in education the more success I will have with women.
  69. In college, black male professors will be involved in interracial marriages at much higher rates than members of the opposite sex will.
  70. By the time I enter college, and even through college, I have the privilege of not having to worry whether I will be able to marry a black woman.
  71. In college, I will experience a level of status and prestige that is not offered to black women even though black women may outnumber me and out perform me academically.
  72. If I go to an HBCU, I will have incredible opportunities to exploit black womenCommunication/Language
  73. What is defined as “News” in Black America is defined by men.
  74. I can choose to be emotionally withdrawn and not communicate in a relationships and it be considered unfortunate but normal.
  75. I can dismissively refer to another persons grievances as ^*ing.
  76. I have the privilege of not knowing what words and concepts like patriarchy, phallocentric, complicity, colluding, and obfuscation mean.Relationships
  77. I have the privilege of marrying outside of the race at a much higher rate than black women marry.
  78. My “strength” as a man is never connected with the failure of the black family, whereas the strength of black women is routinely associated with the failure of the black family.
  79. If I am considering a divorce, I know that I have substantially more marriage, and cohabitation options than my spouse.
  80. Chances are I will be defined as a “good man” by things I do not do as much as what I do. If I don’t beat, cheat, or lie, then I am a considered a “good man”. In comparison, women are rarely defined as “good women” based on what they do not do.
  81. I have the privilege of not having to assume most of the household or child-care responsibilities.
  82. I have the privilege of having not been raised with domestic responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, and washing that takes up disproportionately more time as adults.Church & Religious Traditions
  83. In the Black Church, the majority of the pastoral leadership is male.
  84. In the Black Church Tradition, most of the theology has a male point of view. For example, most will assume that the man is the head of household.Physical Safety
  85. I do not have to worry about being considered a traitor to my race if I call the police on a member of the opposite sex.
  86. I have the privilege of knowing men who are physically or sexually abusive to women and yet I still call them friends.
  87. I can video tape women in public- often without their consent – with male complicity.
  88. I can be courteous to a person of the opposite sex that I do not know and say “Hello” or “Hi” and not fear that it will be taken as a come-on or fear being stalked because of it.
  89. I can use physical violence or the threat of physical violence to get what I want when other tactics fail in a relationship.
  90. If I get into a physical altercation with a person of the opposite sex, I will most likely be able to impose my will physically on that person
  91. I can go to parades or other public events and not worry about being physically and sexually molested by persons of the opposite sex.
  92. I can touch and physically grope women’s bodies in public- often without their consent- with male complicity.
  93. In general, I have the freedom to travel in the night without fear.
  94. I am able to be out in public without fear of being sexually harassed by individuals or groups of the opposite sex.

Source:  http://jewelwoods.com/node/9

https://projecthumanities.asu.edu/content/black-male-privilege-checklist

Key Notes:

  1. It’s mostly (violent) sexual in nature
  2. It’s all the woman’s fault
  3. Never once did the article mention building and providing for their community

This article needs to be passed to every black woman possible and discussed PRIVATELY. I personally love it when people tell me the truth.

Masculinity Redefined

 

 

When I was growing up, the men in my family all had skills. They built homes, laid down steel foundations, they cooked, worked 2 and 3 jobs and provided, as best as they could, for their families. Was life hard?

Absolutely.

Being black and male wasn’t easy. But they did what they could. I remember my uncle looking for work in another state to keep food on his family’s table. I remember my brother, being young, running home from school to toil on the neighbour’s farm.

All around me were men. Not males. MEN. I felt safe. Secure. I used to jump rope all around the block and never gave one thought to anything bad happening. I kept my femininity all throughout my entire life and it attracted men of all sorts that enjoyed it. As I grew and traveled, I became aware of how different the black community was in comparison to other communities.

Women of other communities were carefree. They jogged at night. Roller bladed through parks with their dogs. Met friends for coffee and went to spa’s to get their hair, nails and eyebrows done. Some had housekeeper’s that came once a week and the very well off had Farm-to-Table Chefs that prepared “organic” meals. I met one white female from the Upper East Side that had a Jamaican nanny that did most of the work raising her child.

These women looked happy, They looked fit. Some even had plastic surgery to correct “flaws”.

Then I looked at the black female community throughout the Diaspora. 

We looked fat. Unkempt. Hostile. Angry. Depressed. Our hair was a Goddamn mess with missing hairlines and ridiculous looking wigs and weaves. Long eagle-like fingernails with too much fake jewelry adorned our hands. Our clothes were ill fitting and out of proportion for our bodies, and let us not forget the HORDES of bastard children that clung to us.

The once mighty black woman who birthed an entire nation was raggedy and disheveled. We are now poor and getting poorer by the generations. We have almost ZERO collective wealth and the strain of raising children by ourselves in a black hating world have taken a toll on our mental health. We are now insane.

The black woman is now a train wreck to be used and abused then discarded like a snot-filled Kleenex. But, as my mind works, I sit down to ponder why. What has happened to us? Why are we the scourge of the entire universe? What is the missing piece of the puzzle that we cannot, or won’t, connect?

 

That brings me to my point.

 

What is Femininity?

 

Femininity is a softness. It’s a relaxation. It’s a gracefulness. It’s unhurried. It is a knowing feeling that if you fall, you will be caught. It is a sweet, genuine surrender to the unknown. This is what makes Masculinity thrive. The two cannot exist without the other.

Now, being Feminine has nothing to do with fatness or shortness. It’s not about being pretty with the right shade of lipstick. A female bodybuilder can be feminine. It is a characteristic that is CREATED for you from birth by the men in your tribe so you, the female, can flourish.

 

So then, what is Masculinity?

 

Masculinity is the exact opposite.

It has naught to do with physical strength. It has naught to do with penis size. It’s not about how many women you can sex. It’s not about your income. It’s not about having swag. Or about being able to dance. It’s not about getting girls pregnant. Or wearing the latest designer shoes that your community didn’t manufacture. It’s not about being labeled handsome. Sexy. Hunky. Fuckable.

 

Masculinity is about being able to foster a safe environment for the most important people in your life. It’s about being able to give your woman, your children and your community all the provisions so they can lead the next generation.

 

I sometimes think about that young girl at McDonald’s who was assaulted by that white man who nearly dragged her over the counter. I secretly cried when I watched that video. I felt her every emotion. I also know why he felt that he could do that in a black establishment as opposed to a Mexican one. I think about things that like a lot nowadays.

 

 

The time has come for black women throughout the Diaspora to begin making changes in their lives. I feel a radical sense of urgency that time is short. I hope you can feel it too for your sake. Remember what the esteemed Dr. Baruti said in one lecture:

“There is no written law anywhere in the Universe that states that the black race MUST survive.”

Please sit and resonate with this quote. And before I close out:

Donald Trump will get reelected in about 8 weeks and Judge Ginsberg is no longer with us. I do hope you understand what is coming.

 

 

 

 

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