Observations of an Invisible Woman

Archive for the tag “bw/wm real life dating”

The Raw Truth About Interracial Dating: Real Life Stories #1

I received a personal letter from a longtime reader who encouraged me to begin documenting these (anonymous) letters in a series. She felt that fellow black women-centered blogs and vlogs were only telling one side of the story and wanted a more honest approach.

Thank you for the suggestion, “X”!

Here we go….two tales, two women, both black, something to learn from both.

“Dear DOAN,

Please keep me anonymous.

I found your blog via the 2020 Is Just A Dress Rehearsal entry. Then I fell down the rabbit hole of your posts. It’s been interesting. I think I was always ‘awake’. I am the child of what we call ‘centennial’—almost bicentennial farmers (my family has farmed and owned the same acreage of land in the south for over 100 years).

A lot of the things you discuss are topics I’ve discussed with my friends and family. I am also a prepper and etc.

I am a black woman married to a white man. It’s wonderful. I don’t care about the horrific deeds of our collective ancestors. Men (as a collective division of humanity) have brutalized women since the beginning of time.

The law has slowly come around to protecting (some) women.

The numbers of white families who owned slaves and large-scale plantations was small and very similar to the current distribution of wealth in the Americas. If people researched prisoners of war, slavery, indenture, colonialism, serfdom, etc., they’d understand that the wealthy have brutalized the poor from the beginning of time. And after learning, they could decide to hate all men or judge people by their current (and living) bloodline.

I am happily raising a family with a man who adores me. I had three opportunities to marry African descended men. I am glad I steered clear. Out of all of my married black female peers, I am the only one who has minimal complaints about marriage. My black female peers frankly suffer in their marriages to African descended men.

I didn’t get lucky. I learned from my prior relationships and found a man that had the qualities I wanted in a mate. I seriously vetted him (actually better than I’d vetted my prior relationships). I also can’t stand stupidity, so… anyway, it bothers me to read that an anonymous woman would concern themselves with what other anonymous men on YouTube would think of her. There are so many things we need to be doing right now to prepare for clusterf*** that the world is becoming, and women are still engaging in useless conversation with people on YouTube?

And to consider white men OVER privileged? Black men, don’t get me started, are the most over privileged men on this planet. They think they are entitled to a black (actually white, Latina, Arab, etc.) woman’s bodies, loyalty, respect, devotion, political engagement, (and for my friends, finances) etc.

It bothers me that a woman would allow themselves to be fetishized by ANY male.

Women need to keep their eyes open and vet (regardless of race).

If I’d found a man like my husband in black/brown/yellow skin, I’d have married him.

Please keep me anonymous.



Second letter:

“I had to think awhile about sharing my story. It’s important to warn other women about the kind of man they might meet. Back then I was so overconfident and thought I was in control of the situation. Please keep this anonymous as I’m still hiding with my children.

I met him when my oldest was almost two years old. He seemed like a nice man, nerdy and odd but ok. He met my family, we waited for sex and he was a traditional, marriage minded man. A perk was that he was very well to do, educated and believed in generational wealth.

This part is hard to talk about. One night, I invited him over. We began to get sexual, but I tried to stop things. Something came over me and said don’t let him touch you. He kept going, raping me, something he admitted to eventually.

From there, his true side showed itself. I tried to tickle him once, so he attempted to snap my arm. Another time he slapped me at an appointment to meet the nutritionist during my pregnancy. That’s the other thing. I became pregnant during the rape, with a child that looks just like him. 
When I stupidly said I’d have an abortion, he threatened to kill my oldest. When I finally couldn’t handle it, he sent several white cops to my house. The n word was used a few times before I left. We lasted a short amount of time before I fled with our lives.

Why did I stay after being sexually assaulted? I was raped as a child and as a woman. Because I let him in, and no one would help me, it felt like I had to stay. Even during more sexual assaults, being hit, treated like trash, I stayed. Why did I leave?

He became aggressive towards my oldest child. I knew it wasn’t to long before he would hit them too. That would happen over my dead body. My child gave me the courage to leave and stay gone.

Leaving meant harassment, white cops and calls to my loved ones. He didn’t stop until I was too pregnant to get an abortion. I gave birth alone, with preeclampsia and delivered a sickly premature child. Bonding was hard but we’re close now. I can’t tell my child this.

My partner was motivated by race. I later found out that another black woman left the state because of him. He sexually humiliated another woman in front of his friends. Why did he do this, a white man that claimed to love black women? He wanted to breed the blackness out of us, and take us from black men. He hated black men.

I never met his family. A few years ago, a family member died. When he tried to reach me through a friend, I kept my child away. My child was sickly as a baby. They never wanted to meet him when he was close to death. I’m was still angry about that.

We’ve lived in a lot of DV shelters, moved states and live underground in a way. My kids were accustomed to a better standard of living. We live very poorly and I cry because they don’t have the kind of lifestyle we used to have. He’s stalked me, gotten me thrown out of homes and been a pain in the ass. He’s also armed, trained and itching to use it.”


Thank you, Ladies for the heartfelt letters. I hope you all can take something from their stories and apply it to your own lives.

To answer why more black women aren’t prepping and opening up prepping channels and networks but choose to engage in useless conversation on Youtube. I have the answer: Because people will gravitate towards what is important to them. For many of us the hot topic is “high value” men or whatever the fuck that is. Next it’ll be another catch phrase like, ” top tier significant other” or ” elite stratosphere“. While we focus on lipstick shade and what type of Yak the other woman is wearing, other races are locking this down, making plans about forming their own militia for safety and having hunting parties for food.

We are uneducated fools and this is why we’re on the bottom.

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