Observations of an Invisible Woman

Archive for the tag “bw/wm pairings”


A letter from a long time reader:

“Dear DOAN,

I’ve been reading your last few posts and thinking about this new phenomenon of white men suddenly wanting to be considered as potential romantic partners for us. I am a black American woman who’s never been married or have any children. I’ve stayed quiet but listened to the women on Youtube urging us to date out and find new men to consider.

For me it’s simple. I would happily consider any race of men except white. It doesn’t matter if he’s an American or from Europe. That’s a no for me. And I’ll tell you why. I can’t feel good about being with a white male and having his children after all that was done to us. This man represents everything that hurt my entire bloodline and now I’m suppose to forget about it and just give in.

I’m still hopeful that a decent black or brown man will be available and we can build a life together and have melaninated children. The men on these channels call women like me racist for not wanting them. Are they serious? This is the very thing that turns me off about this over privileged race of men who think that just because they want us publicly now we should give in. How convenient that they chose to forget about there ancestor horrific deeds and the devastating after effects. I know quite a few black Americans that feel this way but they stay quiet out of fear. Thank you for providing a safe space for us to say these things.

I love your new direction by the way. Thank you for finally addressing these topics!

Signed “X”

Thank you for writing to me.

How do you ladies feel about this? You can be anonymous if you wish. Simply say, “Please keep me anonymous” when you post.

What Black Women Are Really Saying About Being With White Men

I’m incredibly fortunate to have a platform where black women feel that they can trust me to keep their innermost secrets. I spoken to them privately via email and on the private platform about what’s really happening behind the scenes. Since most black woman centered platforms are urgently pushing us to “date out now black women!” and we feel that sense of panic, many of us are taking the plunge.

But what’s really going on?

In this article, I will reveal anonymous letters written to me and comments made via email about this push to date (specifically) white men and what being with them is really like. Please note that I DO NOT support any movement whatsoever regarding black women UNLESS we can somehow be the beneficiaries of it.

Let’s begin.

“Dear DOAN,

I was a part of the popular X ( name removed for privacy) group on Youtube. I took classes and followed her on teachable. I am a dark skinned BW with 4c hair and regular black features. At firstt it was very exciting to be with these group of women who wish to level up and leave dusty black males behind. When I began to enter into interracial relationships with white males I found that they specifically wanted me for sex.

I was quite taken aback to learn that the rumors are indeed true with being fetishized. At first this caused me a great deal of conflicted emotions. I wanted to date out but wasn’t getting the quality white men I thought i would get. After much disappointment, I decided to be voluntarily single and just focus on my nursing degree. I’m not giving up entirely but I feel that only the best parts of dating whites is being presented to us and not the reality of it.

A long time fan


“Dear Negress

This is bothering my spirit so I wanted to comment. Why all of a sudden are white men being thrust into the faces of black women? There are other races out there, right? I feel that there’s a hidden agenda why everywhere you look white men are in our faces and this false narrative of white men being better partners is heavily pushed. Also white men are all over YT making videos about us. I find this unsettling given our history together. Any thoughts?”

” ….all I ‘m saying is to date whom you wish but get prepared to meet racial backlash. I was dating a white male and his family was the most racist I’ve ever met. It’s the families that sometimes cause the issues…”

I could go on but this post would be entirely too long.

Many women have confided in me that they still love black men and want children that look like them. These women are terrified to come forward and admit that still desiring a man who is their mirror image will cause a social media storm and they will be ostracized. If you’re in the private group, you already know how I feel about what is being pushed.

Here is the bottom line:

EVERYONE on this planet needs and is desperate for the energy of the Original Woman. We are the givers of life and the sustainers of all things. When we take away our energy, things shrivel up and die. When we claim that something is sexy, cool and worth looking into, the world follows and investigates. Our power is immense and everyone knows it but us.

So, having said all of that, you, black women, rule this planet. And you are allowing everyone to siphon your energy for FREE. They get fat, you get thin and wispy and frail and eventually die.

When will you realize your worth and stop the bullshit?

My advice to these women that wrote to me is simple. If you choose to date out, vet him extremely carefully. Refrain from any intimate relations and watch him closely. Sex tends to cloud your judgment.

Listen to his actions not his words.

From there, your Spirit will guide you into making the right choices. If that voice inside you whispers “something’s not right”, do not argue. Leave immediately and save yourself. 2021 will be very, very rough for the permanent underclass. Begin self preservation now.

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