diaryofanegress

Observations of an Invisible Woman

Archive for the category “The problem”

The Fear: A Continuation to “The Plan”

 

 

 

 

****This post is dedicated to my African man. When God created me from your rib, you became the other half of my spiritual self. Therefore, my existence depends on your survival****

Black men in AmeriKlan, let me reveal “The Fear.”

The fear begins with the notion that you won’t succumb to “The Plan.” That you’ll defy all odds and become educated, well-spoken, dignified, confident and take AmeriKlan away from them. With proper encouragement, a good foundation of love from your friends and family and a college degree, you’ll be gaining on them. Having an education DOES NOT guarantee you success, but it will open doors for you, something white racist AmeriKlans fear the most.

Look at this guy called Barack. He’s educated, well-spoken, smart and driven. And you must agree, he’s got a nice little job, right? But let’s get back to The Fear…After going against “The Plan”, you’ll want more money with your new education. Then that corner office. After a few years, maybe your own business. Then you’ll be able to employ them to work for you. So you’ll be in charge, have the control, make the rules…See where I’m going with this? White supremacy is the antithesis of black enlightenment. If you, a black man, have a nice house, that’s one LESS nice house for them. If you, a black man, make more money, that’s one LESS dollar for them. And so it goes.

But, The Fear doesn’t stop there. There’s also the women. Since white supremacy states that white women are prized, valued and prettier than ALL other women, when you, a black man, have all the amenities only a white man should have, naturally the white woman will be yours for the taking. But what about the black woman? If you are supreme, then she becomes prized, beautiful and valued. See how it works? Ever wonder why, no matter how hard you give at your job, you just can’t get a fair shake? Ever wonder why a white man with a prison record is more likely to acquire and maintain a job than a qualified, educated black man WITH NO PRISON RECORD??? It is being done on purpose. All apart of The Fear.

On the job, you’ll be harshly criticized, swiftly punished with no means of redemption, watched like a hawk, discredited, ignored, mocked, have rumors and lies spread about you,(please, for the love of GOD, don’t be alone with a white woman for any reason unless you have a chaperone…this is especially true for doctors, construction workers, realtors/home inspectors and teachers) and made to feel dumb, slow and incompetent. This will spill over into your personal life as well. You’ll be angry, depressed, homicidal, likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, hit your woman, beat your children, overspend as a way of compensating, which I might add, leads to a lowered credit rating and has the ability to affect home and car purchases…All apart of The Fear.

And when you’ve had enough, you’ll save up money and build your own damn company in your basement or garage. You’ll struggle to eat and pay rent. You’ll fight the banks for a loan and humbly accept any amount they give you just to have a little slice of the pie. Then, somehow, someone will throw a monkey wrench in your life to try to take away everything you’ve sweated for, begged God for and had many sleepless nights wondering what will become of your life.

If you give up now, you’ll succumb to The Fear.

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Stay tuned for the final installment of The Trilogy….

Why I No Longer Keep White Friends

I grew up with diversity all around me. My first crush was on a Guyanese boy of Indian Descent. I had friends calling our house of all nationalities and races. I never knew the difference between them. I wasn’t raised that way. We were just kids going to the arcade to play Mrs. Pac-Man and Donkey Kong, listening to Michael Jackson’s new album, Bad, and trying to fit in. I never realized until I got older that white people were different from me.

I come from humble beginnings. We worked hard with no excuses. If you wanted to eat, you had to work. There were times when we struggled…and I mean hard…but God always provides for tomorrow. I learned at an early age from watching the one woman in my family who would serve as my ultimate inspiration, my mom. She was strong, capable, unyielding, tough as nails and loving to a fault. I, being a black woman, also had to be tough and determined. I too had to swallow bitter tears. No one was going to coddle me, protect me from the evils of the world, give me things I didn’t earn and make me feel as if I’m a precious specimen to be adored. I am black. I can’t afford to be naive.

When I entered high school, I began to befriend various white women. They flocked to me. In fact, EVERY relationship I had with a white girl, she was the instigator. She complimented me on my bone structure, my lips, my frame…the curliness of my hair, the softness of my skin…she wanted to know what foods I ate and what music I listened to. She inquired on where I’m from, on how I “spoke so well” and where I learned to speak proper English. She watched the way I walked, the way my lips moved when I spoke, the whiteness of my teeth against my skin and how she could tan “just like me.”

It never occurred to me to be offended…at all. I was young and never knew the difference. College was another story. I grew my hair long. Being of mixed ancestry from both parents but especially my mom and grandparents, my hair took on a beautiful wave when long. I was told that I had the kind of hair black women envied. I shrugged it off. I didn’t care, I had boys on the mind.

White boys began to notice me. A lot. Then my relationship with white women began to unravel. Suddenly, the smiles stopped and the scowls began. The compliments on the pretty blouse I had worn, turned into criticisms that I shopped at consignment stores. They eyed me suspiciously and made the most horrific remarks about how ugly all black women were. How fat, how smelly, how unkempt …and how no self-respecting white man would date, let alone marry, “one of us.”

Then came the job world where I would constantly be bombarded with stupid motherfucking questions about why blacks:

Dressed, ate, danced, fucked, talked and lived “the way they do.” But, you see, do not be offended because you’re not like the “rest of them.” Then the questions came about my:

Hair, clothing, skin, freckles, lips, buttocks, waist to hip ratio, nipple colour (in the RN’s locker room) and if black men’s penises were really that much bigger. But, you see, do not be offended because you’re not like the “rest of them.” Then the questions came on why blacks:

Are prone to raping people, killing people, fucking up their own neighbourhoods, stealing, doing drugs, joining a gang, spraying graffiti, being more racist than “any white person they’ve ever met” and just being a no-good, low down, dirty, rotten, stinking drain on society. But, you see, do not be offended because you’re not like the “rest of them.”

Then came the men…

Who would stare that cautious but lustful gaze riddled with guilt with comments on how he’d always wanted to “try a black girl to see if the rumours were true”. Who would have the expectation that because you are black, you’re not a REAL woman and should be used as an instrument of sexual relief for a hard day at work. Who would grow angry with righteous indignation that you would REJECT him due to the fact that you should be grateful that he even looked at you in the first place. Who would have the expectation that your complexion is an invitation for promiscuity because that’s what “pa said“.

So after explaining with great and excruciating detail on why blacks in AmeriKlan are scapegoats to keep the racial flames burning, after explaining that the term “African-American” or any other hyphenated ethnicity was a political tool to divide the nation and get more votes, after explaining that all people commit crimes but the media airs the black ones more frequently and at primetime between the hours of 4-9 pm due to Nielsen Ratings, after explaining to them that the concept of race is a white invention and no other species on earth does that, after explaining to them that the Department of Justice and the FBI embellishes their numbers to keep minorities at the bottom, after explaining to them that all politicians are bought and paid for by Wall Street, after explaining the history of slavery in this Puritanical country and having them nod and say “Ohhhhhhh….right, Ok….I see…yes, yes, yes” and then say the same stupid ass bullshit comments over and over again to my face with a smile…I finally said:

FUCK IT! I’m done!

Even Marvin Wondered

For my night owls….

 

 

The Problem With No Name

****This post is dedicated to my black readers, male and female, who have written intensely personal comments and emails to me…either on this blog or other blogs. You are not alone…We are sick. I was tempted to call America an infirmary but that would suggest that we are being cared for and we all know that’s not true. For every sickness, there must be a cure…****

My white readers comment on my blog all the time. Some comments are deleted due to racial epithets, some due to excessive racial profanity and some for just being stupid and incoherent. Some write to me and ask, “Why do you keep bringing this up?Yeah…I sorta know that there may be something wrong with the world but you can’t deny that blacks commit more crimes and thusly are the problem.”

OK…fair enough. Thank you for responding. Since my people have known, from day one, that this “problem with no name” indeed has a name, just sit back and allow me to educate our paler readers.

Since I am invisible being a brown-hued female and all, many people talk right in front of me. I hear discussions on the bus, at the park, in my neighbours backyard and at work when they think I’m safely out of earshot. Whites seem to believe, almost exclusively, that blacks are the greatest problem in AmeriKlan and perhaps, in the world. But…the very essence of supremacy, the control system of said mentality, the principles and its foundation of how we are viewed, comes from the mind of whites.

Therefore, blackness isn’t the problem…whiteness is. The concept of skin colour, which is a creation of the white mind, is the pathology in which white supremacy thrives. And because of that supremacy, that control to dictate what is considered right and wrong, ugly and beautiful, sinful and holy, worthy and unworthy, dangerous and benign, whites have the means to influence not just how THEY are judged but how WE are judged.

I will give you a simple but potent example. Please prepare to be shocked. Look at this being:

What makes THE WORLD believe that this deity, this divine holy spirit, looks like this? Supremacy does. Because whiteness has the ultimate power to dictate how they are viewed. They can manipulate any imagery, any tool, change history to benefit themselves and transform a man who is middle-eastern in descent into a Germanic form with blonde hair and blue eyes to meet their needs. If Jesus were to be portrayed realistically, some say he may have looked like this:

My black scholar friends hypothesize that due to the Egyptian(which I’d like to add, is in Africa) influence during biblical times, coupled with the fact that scientists, both black and white, have proven that ALL life comes from Africa, feel that if Jesus is to be properly portrayed, he should look like this:

Not what you were expecting, is it? A far cry indeed from the Nordic God you “know so well”.

Whiteness, and its need for self-preservation, will change anything about itself that is deemed unclean, unholy, evil, wanton and unjust to point the finger at any scapegoat to distance itself from the fact that yes, there is a problem. It is because of that power to deny oneself as being flawed, that leads whiteness into a cancerous sickness of the mind and the spirit. That very sickness has spilled over to the black race in the form of depression, low self-esteem and suicide. To control a man’s mind is perhaps the most potent form of slavery. That is why today, in modern-day AmeriKlan, you see blacks still suffering from the slave mentality called unworthiness. And because slavery is still alive and well, we can choose to fight this illness, or perish.

The problem does have a name. It’s a name that is reinforced throughout history to be our greatest inventors, scientists, physicians, leaders, teachers, politicians, bankers, farmers and Gods. And that name, once and for all, is called Whiteness.

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