Observations of an Invisible Woman

Archive for the category “John Boehner”

A Day in the Life of a White Republican

7:00am: Wake up and curse Obama

7:30am: Eat breakfast whilst downloading interracial porn

8:00am: Call publicist and arrange press meeting

8:20am: Kiss wife, which you’ve lost all desire for, on the cheek and leave

8:30am: Swing by newspaper stand to pick up Black Tail magazine

8:40am: Sit in yet another meeting where you dream of crushing Obama

9:40am: Fabricate lies to spew at press meeting

10:00am: Ignore calls from the wife. She has all your money so what more can she want?

10:15am: Strategize with publicist on blacks, the unemployed, Latinos, gays, senior citizens, women, birth control, Occupy Wall Street, students, Laws for more guns on campus, the reinstatement of slavery, social security, black crime rates and anything that shows minorities in a shitty light.

12:30pm: Have lunch with team and call the leader of the Republican party, Rush Limbaugh

1:30pm: Have press meeting at Faux News studio where you tell everyone if Obama wins again, the Earth will collapse and monsters will eat their children

3:30pm: Call Glenn Beck’s show and spread a rumor that you found Obama’s real birth certificate

3:45pm: Swing by movie rental place to buy a copy of Mandingo

4:30pm: Accept call from your black mistress and arrange to meet at that secret love shack, Camp Niggerhead.

7:45pm: Go home and eat a boring, monotonous meal with your wife whilst reminiscing about your tryst with your black mistress

8:30pm: Retire to your office with a vintage Cognac and download more interracial porn

10:00pm: Order Roots on Pay-per-view and reminisce about the good old days

11:30pm: Crawl into bed when sure the wife is fast asleep and banish all feelings of guilt by rationalizing that Obama should have known better than to run for president in the first place

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