Observations of an Invisible Woman


A letter from a long time reader:

“Dear DOAN,

I’ve been reading your last few posts and thinking about this new phenomenon of white men suddenly wanting to be considered as potential romantic partners for us. I am a black American woman who’s never been married or have any children. I’ve stayed quiet but listened to the women on Youtube urging us to date out and find new men to consider.

For me it’s simple. I would happily consider any race of men except white. It doesn’t matter if he’s an American or from Europe. That’s a no for me. And I’ll tell you why. I can’t feel good about being with a white male and having his children after all that was done to us. This man represents everything that hurt my entire bloodline and now I’m suppose to forget about it and just give in.

I’m still hopeful that a decent black or brown man will be available and we can build a life together and have melaninated children. The men on these channels call women like me racist for not wanting them. Are they serious? This is the very thing that turns me off about this over privileged race of men who think that just because they want us publicly now we should give in. How convenient that they chose to forget about there ancestor horrific deeds and the devastating after effects. I know quite a few black Americans that feel this way but they stay quiet out of fear. Thank you for providing a safe space for us to say these things.

I love your new direction by the way. Thank you for finally addressing these topics!

Signed “X”

Thank you for writing to me.

How do you ladies feel about this? You can be anonymous if you wish. Simply say, “Please keep me anonymous” when you post.

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5 thoughts on “Dear DOAN

  1. petramay on said:

    You’re not just marrying a man, you’re marrying into his family, his culture, lineage and bloodline. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a BW who doesn’t want to consider a WM for any reason. That’s her choice. She has to do what’s in her best interest and exercise her options.

  2. user7312 on said:

    If only black men collectively had this level of loyalty towards black women….

  3. @ user 7312

    The black male never had loyalty. The more I read about the past, the more I understand why we are in this position in society.

  4. qnubian385 on said:

    I agree 100% with this sister, that she didn’t want to be married to a WM!
    I don’t judge her choice and I understand very well her feeling and pain.
    Me too, for any reason in this world, I will never marry a WM.
    I rather die than to see myself married and having his children!

    I am married to a brown man, and we are married for about 7 years!
    He was the first man, that I didn’t feel discomfort or sad when I am with him.
    He looked at me beyond the physical appearance, he looked at me as a wife and
    as a mother for his children!
    He is a good provider, he defends me, and his family accepted me.

    WM aren’t only racist, arrogant, and privileged men, they are an abomination!
    All my life I have been sexually harassed, verbally abused, and they always
    saw me and treated me like a piece of exotic caramel animal!
    We BW are their forbidden fruit to hide from their white families and friends!
    WM are so arrogant and full of themselves, that when BW rejected them or we aren’t interested in their flirting.
    The first thing they do to us, they show how aggressive and angry they are or
    they use the N-word!
    How dare you refuse my flirting? Because wp believe to be, the most desired
    people on this planet.
    We should feel grateful that, they even notice that you exist!
    How I said, I rather die, because I didn’t want to live with regrets or guilt.
    WM aren’t innocent how they think, they are the main reason why black people around the world are being murdered and exterminated!
    WM are evils!

  5. petramay on said:

    After watching Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, I wouldn’t want to. I think the more you’re attuned to history, the more it’s a big fat no way. I highly recommend Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom which came out a couple of days ago. There’s a couple of things I take issue with but it’s a richly layered film and a case study on how to do business with the WM.

    Ma Rainey reminds me of Aretha who would not perform unless she was paid first. In cash. And she would take her purse full of cash with her onstage.

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