diaryofanegress

Observations of an Invisible Woman

Dear Truthbetold

This arrived in my mailbox from one of my black readers:

“I just had a question. I read something on your blog about this I think and I can’t find it.

I get hit on by a lot of white guys. Not so much black guys. They like the mixed girls or white girls. Not all but many. White guys seem to appreciate me more? They love my hair, skin, eyes, lips everything. They could be just trying to charm me or it could all be lies but I feel more beautiful around them. Yeah it’s a shame. Not too many black guys make me feel beautiful. It’s like they don’t like their own women (again, not all black guys). But ANYWAY, I am kind of dating this one white guy and he is very nice, a gentlemen and very open with how he feels.

I do get paranoid sometimes b/c my mom tells me about back in slavery days how they used to rape and abuse black women. She always tells me to be careful. Even now they only see us as “sexual creatures” nothing more. I remember reading something like this on your blog and hearing about it as well.

What do you think?
Maybe a good blog post as well.
I just hate being paranoid…he’s a nice guy. I just don’t want to feel like an experiment. It’s okay to be curious but I’m not a test subject.” {End letter}

Sadly, this isn’t the first black woman who has admitted to me that she felt that way. Any advice for this young lady? Any thoughts on why the younger generation is headed down this road?

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125 thoughts on “Dear Truthbetold

  1. Hunglikejesus on said:

    RUN!! White see Black women as sex objects and it doesn’t matter if it’s not all of them. The history of white males and Black females relations in this country is enough to make you wanna run.

    As far as making you feel beautiful, only you can do that and certainly not a white male. I love Black women, but sometimes they don’t make me feel like making them feel beautiful. Black women are for the most part caught up in the reality tv aspect of life. They want so much and aren’t willing to give as much. Not all of them of course, but here in the Atlanta metro area it’s rough. I just don’t even bother.

  2. tymetravelife on said:

    You have a guy who appreciates your beauty. Enjoy your time with him. Whatever anyone says, the eyes don’t lie. No one can force those black guys to appreciate your beauty. But that doesn’t mean that you have to stand on the sideline … waiting. Keep spending your time with guys who appreciate you & treat you with respect, whether they’re black or nonblack. Just always only give your time to people of character. It’s the persons character–not their race–that will show you if they will or will not use you. That goes for friends as well as lovers.

  3. blackmystory on said:

    At the end of the day, we are all social creatures, desiring of attention, love and affection. It is sad that she feels this way about the knee-grows she has encountered, but not enough information is given in the letter to explain, what type of of men she is around, how she presents herself and how she relates to men in general. For that matter what is her own criteria for a mate. @tymetravelife said there are many of us who do appreciate a sister, but as Jesus said, not the ones who give us unnecessary work. Being friendly friendly with Yurug I can overstand, dating them is a conscious choice that you either should go into freely, or if there is doubt, do not. A conflicted mind is not a good thing.

  4. Writer. You should disregard folks who try to convince you that you are the problem. You are not. Most important you are not responsible for any hurt/slight/disrespect that’s been done to people you don’t know by other people you don’t know. It is best to focus on your individual life & happiness. You cannot live for others.

    The history if the U.S. is just that history. We all should know our history, but you cannot live there & move forward in creating a happy, productive life. You will definitely meet racists [whites] & colorists [blacks]–men & women. And that is why I said to focus on character. Please ALWAYS choose friends by their character.

  5. @Negress.
    Although I have not been commenting, I have been reading. I think that you may be getting an idea about who in the black community was, is & always will be expected to do all the heavy-lifting, give their time, provide devotion & loyalty, & do all the self-sacrificing, to put the community to rights. And it’s not the black man (just read your own posts & see who responds when there’s work to be done & who only responds when there’s women to be corralled).

    Black women are consistently left with the hard work while their counter-part leaves–I don’t know or care about the whys of the leaving, but we all see the outcome. I think that the same formula cannot work any longer, because black children are paying the price.

    To any woman who wants to go down that road, I say godspeed. But you won’t be taking any of the young with you if I can help it.

  6. Ms. J on said:

    I think a big part of this new phenomenon is the media. Interracial couples are paraded as acceptable for Black celebrities, athletes, etc. But on the other hand, we so NO images of Black couples in a positive way. When’s the last time anybody has seen the Black equivalent of “The Notebook”? Don’t worry, I’ll wait…

  7. Tymetra:

    I allow my readers to express themselves freely but believe me when I say that I notice *everything*.

    I am a voyeur by nature. I feel other peoples vibes but seldom do I say anything. Eventually, the truth reveals itself.

  8. emile on said:

    I don’t know how to respond to this, maybe because I’m older and sort of jaded. I’ve been hearing this “Not too many black guys make me feel beautiful” and “It’s like they don’t like their own women” crap nearly all of my life. Ninety-nine percent of the time, most Black women are always seeking validation from outsiders. They take Black men’s admiration for granted. I could be wrong but that has been my impression. What I have learned over the years is that both Black men and Black women have been mentally conditioned to think and act in this way. Sort of like puppets being manipulated with the strings of outsiders, i.e. media exploitation. Funny, you never hear the Mexican or Asian or Ethiopian women complaining about how their men don’t appreciate them. But I digress. With more constructive information I’ve received from the likes of Dr. Welsing and Mr. Fuller, I am now less likely to criticize such actions because I clearly comprehend “what’s going on.”

    I was raised and taught about the fatalities involving Black men and white women. It has had a lifelong impact on me, especially after reading books such as “Without Sanctuary”, “The Destruction of Black Civilization”, “The New Jim Crow”, “If He Hollers Let Him Go” and “The Isis Papers.” It seems the more you learn, the more you can see what the divide-and-conquer concept is really all about.

    I hate to be so frank, but I can see this person becoming a future victim once she has experienced disappointments and increases her personal knowledge of self over time. I’ve seen it happen too many times before, when young people who aren’t educated about their own history fall for the trappings of integrational superficiality, post-racialism and interracial dating. But as an individual, she’s entitled to make her own choices. All I would say is, as those who’ve come before her and are now wiser, you’d be better off sticking with your own. “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” As with any relationship, know exactly what you are getting into, what you want to get out of it and gauge how much time and effort it’s going to take to learn about the other person as well as yourself. To me, relationships are all about growth, and if both individuals are not growing, then it should end A.S.A.P.

  9. I think that she or anyone else should look for validation WITHIN first and foremost..when you love, respect and honor yourself, you will radiate that out into the universe and will then only attract those to you who feel the same. I think this topic is intriguing to a lot of us but it doesn’t reflect the reality for most black people–most of us love and pair with other black people. And that can be said for everybody else if you want to get down to it.

  10. From my experience with interracial dating I’d have to tell her flat out no.

    I spent about 10 of the past 12 years dating whites exclusively and it was the worst mistake of my life. I wish I’d had this blog and all of the other info I now have, because the past decade for me has been nothing but crushed hopes, tears, and on multiple occasions I came close to suicide after feeling the sting of reject over and over.

    They always find you pretty, they always love how “well you speak” or how “articulated” you are. They love to play with your hair, they love our “full” features (Keeping it PG in here). But it’s all fleeting and only temporary.

    While their infatuation with you may be very very in your face now, eventually they will realize that they’re dealing with a “cultural other”, which means their behavior towards you will change.

    Always remember that while a white person may be nice, flattering, charming, sweet, and unfathomably attractive, they are STILL a member of a culture, and that culture as a whole is hostile and oppressive to us as whole.

    That’s me being nice…..

    The blunt me has to say that this sister’s mind is screwed since she’s still under the whitewash spell and nothing we can say will help her until she decides to face reality.

    As for the youth of this coming generation, I like to think that the small baby steps we take in writing about this in blogs like this helps, but sometimes I think that quote about the wolf naturally culling part of the flock is just something we can’t avoid.

  11. Crissjensen on said:

    @ Tymetrav,

    Well Said! i too have notice growing up watching the samething, when it comes to the black community and how the men in the communtiy treat bw. sad! sad! sad.

    wonder why their not RESPECTED! in the world.

  12. Pay attention to signs. watch how he acts in front of other ppl. how dose he show you off to other’s. what is he’s reasons for for wanting to be with you, listen to everything he says word by word! there can be many good white men (some very small few) you just have to Vet all men. no matter the the skin color, there also are bad black men who hate anything darker them. so it’s not all about the color of someone’s skin

    watch a man character

  13. To the young sister, you must ‘evaluate’ ALL of the men/boys you deal with or plan on being in relationships with. Not just white males. But, most times, especially white/other raced males. Do not allow him, or anyone to disrespect you, for once, twice they do, that is how the ‘friendship’ will progress. The ‘cultural difference’ is there, but not all the time a ‘deal breaker’, if the other person is of a ‘decent quality’ as a human being. In all of my years, I have personally never met that nonblack male whose humanity, overshadowed their ‘white ‘supremacist’ identity. Never.

    I cannot understand how anyone can claimed that black women, seek validation from nonblack males. Now, there is a surplus number of black women who remain single/alone, who may just NOW, be opening up to other race men, but, these are special situations, circumstances, interesting days. They wish to not grow old alone. Know that
    Any woman appreciates being told they look good, but, Black females are surprised, suspicious and pleased, that is all. I’ve seen black males compliment the most ‘average’ of nonblack female(s), and saw/see those women’s face(s) light up like you wouldn’t believe. It’s male to female, but, one cannot avoid understanding the racial dynamic.

    Tread very carefully with this one and at the first sign of ‘racIST conflict’ or disrespect, shut. it. down. I wonder if the same can be asserted of Black males, that ‘they’ seek 100% validation from white/other race women, oh wait….

  14. Soforeal on said:

    Oh no! 10 – 12 years them white boys will be apart of you forever if they have been inside you; nowadays i hear a lot of blk women saying they only want to date white men because they are better.. our ancestors said to not mingle with these people but some of our ancestors didn’t listen and look what happened. us mingling with white people will only make our process even more longer these spirits don`t play. we have to leave those white men and women alone!

  15. If the writer only wants to be an object, then a White partner will offer that objectification. However, if the writer wants love then a White partner is out of the question. Love begins with Knowledge. Whites do not offer Black Knowledge; Black Knowledge requires Black People.

    I advise the Sister looks into Ancient and Classical Black Cultures. She’ll learn that this aspect of her history isn’t for White consumption and shouldn’t be denied in order to ‘feel beautiful.’

    As to Black men not making Black women feel beautiful, a part of it has to do with how we don’t objectify as much. Black men and Black women know that we are stunning. Yet, we also see one another as people.

    White people interact with us as though we are children. Ergo, they compliment us on how ‘cute’ we are, but do not respect us for any other contribution which we can make. A child in a school uniform is ‘cute,’ and a Black man or Black woman is ‘beautiful;’ but Black people want to know what that child or those Africans study–Whites couldn’t care less.

    “Not everything that glitters is gold.”

    In other words, we all know Whites are superficial and materialist. You want a relationship of depth and spirituality. No European will offer you that.

  16. I wish there was a like button for your posts Oni 🙂

  17. I honestly don’t know how to respond without stating the obvious which include centuries of self hatred programming. Some people may strongly disagree, and I accept it, but I would say she would be very careful as with any other man.

  18. Ms. J on said:

    I was about to be on that same exact path as you. I desperately wanted the attention of White males, and never got it, while I tended to ignore Black males. Hearing TrojanPam and Mr. Fuller on The C.O.W.S and studying more about white people changed this for me. I have never been with a White male and don’t plan on being with one ever. I love being in a relationship with my Black male partner now; he loves me, doesn’t objectify me, and can relate to me better than a White man ever could. Ironically, White men do send me messages all the time on my online dating profile though.

    Thanks for sharing your story, Bry!

  19. @ Onitaset: Great points!! I know a Black female who has a blog displaying the sensuality of Black love, and she gets e-mails from White men each day who ask her about Black men’s genitals. Other White males will simply e-mail her for sex. However, her work is mainly geared towards Black people. It just goes to show how they don’t see us humans beyond our body parts.

  20. Tyrone on said:

    @negress

    Blackwomen should not depend on men to validate their womanhood…period. Blackwomen are a beautiful creation, they need not see themselves as inferior to any woman. The sad reality, is that, a lot of young black males have been swept up by hip-hop, sports, and other traps. Informed sistas know the history of white male rape. Blackmen can’t stop sistas from being with whitemen, so, blackwomen should stop fussing about it. If the grass is greener on the other side…Prove It! A note to blackwomen, blackmen will never co-sign them being with whitemen, it’s racial suicide. Sane men know better, blackmen aren’t stupid like white and asian men. Both groups of men are okay with other men co-opting their women, which makes no sense. The Dr. King crowd is front and center on this issue. Jumping in and out of bed with white folks is not a productive iutcome.

    GoTeam

  21. Tyrone on said:

    @Onitaset

    Brotha, your wisdom is profound in every way King …Preach!

    Ty

  22. find your own happiness within. if you need someone to validate your worth and beauty you already need help in several areas of your life. sleeping with the enemy and they are the enemy what else must they do to prove that won’t bring you any happiness. it is against the doctrines of my spiritual science to mate or sleep with white women. in our world such relations will only complicate your life. once you have learned to love yourself you will be provided with one who can appreciate you. you don’t appreciate yourself why would anyone else

  23. I couldn’t date a white man ever. I’ve never been attracted to them.Anyway I say don’t do it. if you want to date white men then ask them 3 questions and see how they react. They get defensive when you bring up racism,white priviledge,and jim crow/slavery leave them alone.Another thing is only you can make yourself happy.I’m 19 and never been on a date but i’m finding myself and feel like i need to get myself together before i go looking for mr right.I want to be right for whomever i date/marry because the common denominator in all relationships would be me.If you want to date black men who wll appreciate you and you don’t feel like you are getting that here then travel.Go to brazil,the caribbean,africa,etc. see the world who knows you might find someone from another country/culture.

    I had a white boy hit on me at the mall once and i just smiled and kept walking.I don’t trust them and he had the nerve to compare me to beyonce.Yes she’s beautiful but its like with white folks the only blac celebs they know are light skinned like beyonce and halle berry .THen they want to compare black women to them. i’m just like wtf i look more like dark skinned women like kelly rowland,missy elliot, tichina arnold type,but they don’t know them. They look at black women as some monster ball type women that will screw anyone.Those are the images out there,i’ve seen too many shows with beautiful black women having a white love interest and the guy is ugly.

  24. Hey, there everybody. This is an interesting situation. There are not many black men who want black women(.) Just go type it in any search engine and you’ll see. It seems that not all, but a large sum of black men really don’t want to be bothered with black women. They would rather be with someone else. There is a lot of distrust in the black man woman relationship. I suspect a lot of it has to do with the big momma thang. Black woman this or that or it just happened that way. Stop worrying about who is sleeping white and so on. Or what ever….
    Facts are fact more and more black women are living their lives single and not getting a partner in life. Do you really expect her or any woman to spend her life alone waiting for some man who flat out don’t want them. While ideal it would be nice to have your true complement if, you can’t have that are y’all saying go without really? Black men don’t have this problem if, they did where there were not enough sistas to go around they would jump out in a minute and see other women of other races. Oh, wait they do that in high numbers now they are only beat by Asian women marrying out.
    How long do they think black women can hold out. Honeytreebee or someone else on this blog said that we black women in America should look outside of our boarders and broaden our horizons blah, blah,blah. Go on and you will find the same situation with black men all over the globe. How do black men expect there to be more of them in the future if, black women are left out? She gonna mate with someone. Are POCs any better? It is not preferred by a long shot, but a vacuum nature will fill it. Black women left with out her natural mate will be filled by other men(.) It is only a matter of time history teaches this the mighty did fall that is why we are here. It is not the black woman fault if, she dates out. No she has even to the reluctance of this society must admit she has held out the longest and hardest even under rape of the worse kind has wanted loved and held up the black man. No matter how bad it got even when he beat her and used her she held on. But this abandonment she can not withstand.
    Black women are on the selling block again this time put there by black men not all, but enough to sell ever sista out to every other man like no other man on earth. Even Asian men are steamed that Asian women marry white men in such high rates. The black man would rejoice if, black women did that.

  25. blktea on said:

    tymetravelife I agree this person sounds so young she has time work on yourself. If, you find love true love take it. it is rare in life and not a guarantee by no means. Also some people are alone their whole lives and do just fine.However, I notice this more for black women who have it together than any other group. Being alone is never fun and we were not meant to live this way.

  26. For people who keep saying things like “black men don’t want black women”…the facts don’t bear that out. If you are looking at hollywood to validate black love then you will be waiting for eternity. That’s not what they are there for. I mean really, it’s a pretty much established fact that hollywood is jewish ran and they rarely portray loving relationships between them; so why expect any consideration for ours. Again the facts don’t bear this out. MOST black people are living, loving and sharing our lives with other black people. Taye Diggs, Terrance Howard, Tiger Woods, etc, etc are not representative of most black men. And if we as black women really feel that black men are turning to other women for love & comfort, then what does that say about us as mothers–who are their 1st example of womanhood?

  27. honeytreebee on said:

    @Blktea

    While you make some valid points. I fail to see where dealing and letting on a lesser white man or POC man will help or heal the black woman. I think that there are enough good black men left in this world and more to be raised. Yes, it is hard to find them and no man or woman should lower their standards. However, we need to be more flexible with each other. we know this system sweeps black men into jail cells and gets into their heads and makes a mess.

    We need to educate black children before they come of age about this and prepare them. i don’t think nature will push for this and I don’t think you will see a large number of black women dating out. I think that they will have marriages, relations, and fractured dealings with black men until they come around and see the light. If, not you will see a decrease in the black population as a whole. BW haven’t cracked yet and not gonna not after over 500 years black don’t crack in more ways than one.

    I think this poor dear will learn the hard way that even the nice ones are racist not on purpose, but just inbred that way. Tragic as it is we must protect self first that means no racist in your bed and no abusive men even black men. Hard but best to die alone than abused especially by your own. Yeah, I feel you about black men placing their sistas on the auction block and such. However, we have the say and belong to no one but, us. Don’t let his actions sell you out stay strong and do you first. get your stuff together, education, money, personal, spiritual, weight wise and so on first. Sistas put you best and search for your mate you’ll find him then work with him. The rest will fall into place.

  28. What does that say about fathers, who are supposed to be a girl’s first example of how to be appreciated, protected & respected by a man?

  29. blktea on said:

    These men will tell you that they mommas okay with it and Tiger and others don’t have black mommas. Also, a lot of these men have anger at mom cause dad left and they blame it on momma for making bad choices. Forget daffy didn’t take them or come back for them. Then there is also world wide worship of WW and these men know that and still make that choice. Even here on this blog how many positive post are there about BM and BW? I hear silence cause the situation is a hot mess. I still think that this burden is laid on the black women super heavy and can understand this young girl’s situation. Like black women don’t put up with shit from day one and daddy left them too who was her male role model and she still ain’t marrying a WM like BM do with WW. So, when it does happen we all know why. And I stand by my claim the majority of black men will rejoice when BW get with other men Cause it will take the pressure off them to do the POC woman thing with no guilt. Like they feel any now. BW who hold on will go lonely and extinct. Just saying.

  30. It says we ALL have work to do. Internally. Individually & collectively. At the end of the day if you don’t embrace & love yourself, you cannot truly accept it or offer it to someone else. If you are harboring self-loathing, anger, resentment and hostility, no white, black or polka dot man is going to be able to fill that void.

  31. Mickey on said:

    Like one of the women in the “War Council” scene of the movie “Jungle Fever” said, “What are the options [for a Black woman?] Become a nun, become gay, or find someone that loves you whether they are Black, White, Red, Yellow, Brown, Purple, Pink, whatever.”

  32. Everyone:

    please stick to one name. Anything else is dishonest and misleading to us all.

  33. I don’t want to feed into the energy or thinking that we, as black people, are all wrong and that the only solace we can find is in victimization & escapism. You cannot run from yourself. Where ever you go, there you are. If love is what you aim to attract, then you need to be that love that you seek. Like energy attracts like energy. If you are filled with self-loathing & self-hatred, anger, hostility–then what do you think you are going to attract? And sometimes the grass ain’t greener on the other side, it just looks that way cuz you don’t water your own. Water your own and you’ll have the same. Again, this topic is intriguing to us but it is not true for the majority of black people.

  34. Every man is rich in excuses to safeguard his prejudices, his instincts, and his opinions.

    The statistics show that around 50% of Black women are Single and around 50% of Black men are single. A Black woman needs only one Black man. There’s no reason to look outward when there’s such a huge availability.

  35. Two tendencies govern human choice and effort, the search after quantity and the search after quality. They classify mankind. Some follow Maat, others seek the way of animal instinct.

    The European is always about quantity, never quality; surface, never substance; animal instincts, never Maat.

    The European understands that superficial praises can delight those knocked for being ugly; but the European–men and women–does this because they have no substance themselves.

    The African can partake in this superficial deception, but those who do are ‘players.’ Africans show you what Europeans can’t–humanity–when, despite your beauty, they don’t call you beautiful. Even our most depraved look at the substance of a person.

    I think that it is a compliment in and of itself when an African doesn’t compliment you on appearance alone. It shows that you are a person and that they would prefer to see your substance before they give you praise.

    It’s actually insulting when the surface is your exclusive appeal to a person. Nevermind how European people can not and will not embrace your African Consciousness.

  36. blktea on said:

    Negress sorry for the confusion. I am a friend of honeytreebee and she introduced me to your blog and we are sharing my computer at her house as she is having computer troubles right now. I forgot to log her out before commenting. Great topic by the way. So no body is confused there are two people sharing right now and Honeytreebee suggested we share our thoughts on line with everybody though I disagree with her on much.

  37. In Kenya, for instance, one of every two teenage girls have participated in prostitution with European men. In a normal nightclub, girls of twelve and thirteen are publicly molested by Italian, German and Swiss (among other) “tourists.”

    Africans are beautiful. No one disagrees. However, Europeans are rapists. To recommend an African to a European is to will another raping.

    It’s not about Surface, but Substance; not about Quantity, but Quality; not about Animal Instinct, but Maat.

    Around 50% of Black men are Single and around 50% of Black women are Single. This means there are over 10 million Black men and 10 million Black women available for a relationship in America alone. To suggest that Black women can’t find one Black man in 10 million is to ignore the reality of how much 10 million is.

  38. Hmmm. I don’t sense any self-loathing, hostility or any other negative quality in this letter. As a matter of fact, she shows a great deal of self-love by acknowledging the situation & keeping it moving with someone who is interested in her.

  39. honeytreebee on said:

    Onitaset
    I agree that there is no real black man shortage it is the matching them up part that I think is most frustrating.

  40. One foot isn’t enough to walk with.

    Black men do their share of work. It is not for us to impose upon our ancestry our false impressions. Men weren’t lynched because they were layabouts. And believe that the White men were the lynchers.

  41. If she’s asking a complete stranger for validation on the very personal and intimate subject of affairs of the heart, then I think something is going on. If intentions are based on simple love then what would she be doubting? If at the core of her being she is at peace with her decision, why ask Negress or anybody else for validation? And I ask you this: this topic obviously strikes a chord with you…why? The last time it was raised you brought in stats/figures–so I’m curious as to why it resonates so much with you? Not accusing, blaming or saying you are wrong one way or the other, but I am genuinely curious.

  42. honeytreebee on said:

    Jesus How did I know you would say that about BW and WM. As for the rest different state same story switch sexes here out west. Like I said folks travel move around who knows you night find men like Hunglikejesus.

  43. Soforeal on said:

    somebody needs to teach her a thing our 2 about white people in it.

  44. Why are we as a nation as a family in this situation because of the documented hatred and evil of white people. To suggest that these people white men or women will accept return and enhance the love of black men or women is suicidal. The devil returns no love

  45. She asked for an opinion not validation. I’m sure you’ve done the same in your lifetime. Seeking advice also doesn’t make a person deficient in any way. Accept in the minds of petty, judgmental people.
    Many issues strike a chord with me. Let me ask you, why is it that when you are unable respond intelligently you turn to personal attacks? It’s a very weak tactic.

  46. ‘She asked for an opinion not validation. I’m sure you’ve done the same in your lifetime. Seeking advice also doesn’t make a person deficient in any way. Accept in the minds of petty, judgmental people.
    Many issues strike a chord with me. Let me ask you, why is it that when you are unable respond intelligently you turn to personal attacks? It’s a very weak tactic’

    Aren’t you displaying the exact characteristics that you accuse me of? Says the mirror to it’s reflection…in most cases, what we don’t like in others are beliefs/characteristics that we possess ourselves. I won’t go any further. You have your views, I have mine. We can agree to disagree.

  47. I believe only the white commenters who have no concern for blacks will continue to champion such confusion. Yashua’s lineage was pure no mixing in his family line. I have said this to dear friends of mine who have dated whites. And that is when you are not around to be hear or be used as a sexual dumping ground your still a nigger

  48. This post, although controversial, is leading up to my next post: The double standard.

  49. Umoja on said:

    Well, here we go. Revealing an honest truth. I dated a white guy many years ago; very charming, wined and dined me, made me feel “special” and beautiful. No Black guy ever did this. In a nut-shell, towards the end of this “relationship” in which I thought was truthful , honest and sincere….he told me, ” it was a phase he was going through to date a Black woman” in other words—a phase to get his racist desires of sexing a Black woman fulfilled. Period.
    His father even told him this. He told me all the words of me being “beautiful” and “exotic”…..unbeknownst to me these are racist undertones when used. They are to separate one from being human and something of an unusual species. Sound familiar? Long story short; I was completely hurt like none other and indescribably so. I addressed his betrayal and using me for sex for so many years and deceiving me to think it was an honest relationship of shared values and love; he laughed and said , “shit happens”.
    I would tell any and all Black women to stay the hell away from the notion of thinking you’ll have an open and honest relationship with whites. There are MANY UNTOLD stories of Black women who have gone through what I have gone through, yet dare to speak on it. It is that hurtful and shameful….diabolical is the best term. While in such relationship in retrospect the Black person is completely confused and mislead…..a victim, unknowingly. Whites KNOW what they are doing in these “relationships” Believe that!! They are practicing white supremacy, just like old times. It isn’t just a “bad relationship”, far from it; in retrospect , it was a cruel and diabolical relationship, one founded on the practice of white supremacy. I’d rather die than repeat what happened and rather date ten bad Black guys than ever date a white guy again. As long as the system of white supremacy exist, it is imperative that breeding/dating whites is completely avoided. One would be foolish to tarry into these relationships given the system that we live in. Whites are masters of deceit and charm…..psychopaths. NOTHING has changed. NOTHING….I do not apologize for being so harsh. Many Black women are experiencing these horrific, deceitful relationships yet it is the secret they take to their graves.

  50. honeytreebee on said:

    I hope you post it soon as I am most interested in the male point of view on this one.

  51. soforeal on said:

    i don’t sex white women never have and never will i just toy with their brain and make them give me money. i’ve done messed a lot of white girls heads up i wanted to make them feel pain like our people did.

  52. honeytreebee on said:

    @Umoja

    What an ass!!!! How low of him, his behavior isn’t even close to subhuman!!!! I can only imagine the hurt and anger this caused you. I hope you have healed and moved on to better.

  53. I am not judging you…I want to repeat this, I am not judging you.. but what you just wrote is a powerful statement. Think about it: how can you fight that which you say hate/despise by becoming that which you say you hate/despise?

    http://www.radioastrology.com/TFG/20PrUniL.htm

  54. I think it’s interesting that it seems so many of the sistahs here seem to have at one time dated interracially…and I say that b/c stats indicate there are so few of us who do date outside the race but it seems quite a few post here (or maybe are just more willing to be honest & open about it)….imo i think ultimately genuine love is genuine love but b/c of our history and programming, too many of us are seeking a panacea for what ails us and instead of looking within, we look outward and sometimes we think the further outside of ourselves we look, the further away from the pain and hurt we’ll be…only to find that people are people…some are magnificent and some are flucked up…and tho it may not resonate with others, I still believe that if you radiate a certain energy, the universe will match it pound for pound..could it be that those who have dated whites who had bad experiences subconsciously always EXPECTED they would betray them so those are the whites they drew to them?

  55. Umoja on said:

    @honeytreebee
    I must say, it’s been a long and hard road of healing. There is no psychiatry for this. Many are insensitive to it and blow it off to being just ” a bad relationship”. IT IS NOT. It’s in a category all by it self. It’s diabolical to say the least. I understand why whites raped Blacks…..to destroy their psyche. This is the level where they are reaching, in addition destroying ones spirit. I get it now. Such a horrific act of terrorism….and MURDER.
    It will leave one feeling raped. I swear when I realized the truth, our ancestors made themselves present and have been guiding and speaking to me…..helping me; uncovering the lies; teaching and revealing to me who and what I am. There was and still isn’t a Black person to turn to. Many are insensitive and perceive one as just a used slut and should have known better—the very ones who praised me for being with a white guy.
    I kid you not, if it weren’t for spirit and our ancestors, I would have slowly died. I only wish to hell that I wasn’t raised to hate and reject myself, who and what I am, by BOTH Black and white people. I truly believe in America Blacks are taught through their own parents, family, friends, siblings, teachers, ect to hate and reject themselves; therefore become completely Europeanized—white identifying and poisoned in the mind.
    I was always called, “half-breed, yellow-girl” by Blacks and met with much jealousy, many times leading to violence from those jealous of my “light-skin and long hair”, totally used for sex by my natural partners—Black men. Extremely naïve and looked at life through rose-colored glasses, never given any guidance or wisdom to thwart any of it. Yet I was very much PROGRAMMED to accept and gravitate towards abusive people white or Black. Mother always had something negative to say about Blacks , never anything good. Ever. She never thought that I was worthy of love or anything good and always expressed this and never supported me for success in any way. ( It has been a long road of the hate I had for mother also, once I “woke up” )
    When I was dating this white guy, Black women pretty much patted me on the back for dating this white guy as though it was something good….even total strangers. The white guy loved this, unbeknownst to me he thought he was the best thing that walked in my life because he was white!!! I was just as poisoned as they were….as many are.
    *** I didn’t know it was all programming, poison and the rejection of Black; therefore , the parrots and co-inspirators of white supremacy.****
    Mother never told me about racism and the evils of it or what to watch for….a victim I was. I make it my business to inform my children of the tricks and tactics of white supremacy/racism—whites. Nothing has changed. Nothing.

  56. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  57. Umoja on said:

    NO!!! We live in a world governed and ruled by white supremacy. Period. One can think “positively” all they like, yet the truth is….breeding with Blacks is STILL an aggressive tool used in the practice of white supremacy. It’s TOO RISKYto date/breed with whites in a society/world governed by this system; given that such tactics are extremely clever and practiced by the majority of whites. Like Neely Fuller Jr. said, ” no sex with whites as long as the system of white supremacy exist.” You’re playing with fire,…an alien fire.
    Sounds like you’re doubtful… thinking that maybe you’ll have a chance at having a loving relationship with a white person, if only one thinks “positive” therefore drawing such to them….good luck.

  58. “Boys will be boys; dogs will be dogs; White men will be White men.”

    It’s in the European’s nature to be unethical to Africans.

    Never blame your self for a dog biting you.

  59. Umoja on said:

    @NMaat433….
    Well you are judging in addition to that insensitivity that I’ve mentioned and the reason that stories such as mine are rarely spoken and taken to ones graves. I’ve read from the website that you’ve listed. With all due respect–Total bullocks!! It speaks of “karma”, if karma were true, Whites would have been visited with such karma upon their lives for the atrocities that they’ve visited upon the whole African populous since the very introduction of Whites, both then and now…..they do not, nor have they ever. Why is it that people Black and White always seem to expect Blacks to have a higher set of morals when treated with such horrific behavior no matter what and no matter how horrific. smdh!!

  60. Umoja on said:

    @ Onitaset…
    Thank You…..

  61. Sis I live in the world so I’m quite aware. Just 2 wks ago I would have echoed what you are saying. But things change and perspectives can also change. I am always in search of my truth. It doesn’t mean it will be your truth. But I can only represent what I believe to be. I’d like to ask another rhetorical question: For those of us who are here on this blog and feel like white supremacy is the source of all our woes–what are we proposing in the here & now that is different than what some of the greatest minds on the planet have tried and failed previously? We all know their names and we can all probably quote them verbatim but what ideas do can we offer/implement that will solve a problem that seems to be insurmountable? I don’t know about you, but if great minds like Welsing, King, Malcolm X and even Einstein, failed to solve the problem, what are you proposing that’s different or novel? And I say all of that not to be defeatist but to say that for me metaphysics makes this trueism glaringly apparent : you cannot solve a problem at the level at which it was created. We are mired in the poison & sickness that is white supremacy. We all are. I believe to my soul now that those spirits who CHOSE to come back to earth as black & white exemplify these 2 Universal Laws:

    The Law of Resistance. That which you resist you draw to you, and you will perpetuate its influence upon your life. Resistance is fear, so it is something you need to Karmically resolve. The Law of Resistance assures that you let go of the fear by encountering it until you are forced to deal with it by learning conscious detachment.

    Example: You may have a strong resistance toward people of the Asian race; Black race, Jewish race, your mother-in-law. Your resistance is fear. The quickest way to overcome that which you fear is through direct experience, thus you will reincarnate as an Asian, Black, Jew, or mother in-law in a future lifetime. When you attain Master of Life awareness and stop resisting [your fear] by consciously detaching from the negativity, the problem will be resolved. Most disharmonious situations are solved through a change in your viewpoint. By changing your perspective, you can usually eliminate the effects of a problem, and if you are no longer affected by a problem, you no longer have a problem, although nothing about the problem situation may have changed. Another aspect of the Law of resistance states, that which you resists, you become, if not in this lifetime, in a future incarnation.

    The Law of Attraction. “Where your attention goes, your energy flows.” You attract what you are and that which you concentrate upon. If you are negative, you draw in and experience negativity. If you are loving, you draw in and experience love. You can attract to you only those qualities you possess. So, if you want peace and harmony in your life, you must become peaceful and harmonious.

    You can disagree with me and if it doesn’t resonate with you, that’s fine. But again, what are we offering that’s novel or different from what previous generations have offered in the way of solutions? Apparently, what we are doing now is NOT working…so what now?

  62. Umoja on said:

    @nmaat….
    I did not say white supremacy was the problem to all our problems. I’d rather you not address my story here at all with all due respect; yes given that it is a public forum; I’d rather you didn’t respond or address my story or in reference to it. I’d like to keep a sense of respect for Negress and others, yet your continued statements towards my story, etc….will not allow that if I address your comments. thank you

  63. I also want to add to that I believe that those of us who are black & white were probably the opposite race the last go round and to resolve karma or to make amends, we chose to come back as the other race to experience what the other side feels like. Think about it: wouldn’t it be karmic for Archie Bunker to come back as a black woman? lol..If your issue is judgment, then you are probably not just judgmental against whites but judgmental in all situations and with all people. I raise my hand as guilty on this one. I have to be honest b/c this ain’t a game. We are all works in progress. I think I know what motivated the creation of this blog and greatly admire the courage and fortitude it takes to put your vulnerability out here for others to ‘see’, even if it’s just virtually but I’ll state again, we are not this body, this race, this earth, this experience. We are sooo much more. We are God Spirits and we have simply forgotten why we volunteered for this soul lesson and have just gotten caught the hell up. Doesn’t mean we can’t love the skin we are currently in (and we all should) but know that the physical realm is all transitory and temporary. My hope is that we will start focusing more on bettering and elevating our own consciousness and not focus so much on what motivates others. They have their own karma to deal with. They ain’t getting away with nuthin. But that also means, that neither are we. We need to focus on our own. Just my 2 cents.

  64. ‘I’d rather you didn’t respond or address my story or in reference to it.’

    Not a problem. We can respectfully agree to disagree.

  65. Do you want me to answer or is that simply a rhetorical question? I’m trying to be respectful here.

  66. I have to answer 1 part of your question.. have you ever considered that last lifetime WE were white and THIS is our karma? And next lifetime they will take our place? Have you ever considered maybe this is why MOST of the earth’s population is Asian since they seem mostly to subscribe to eastern religions like Buddhism/Hinduism, where reincarnation/karma is featured prominently? Maybe they have already been thru this and are more evolved souls simply b/c they’ve gone thru the paces already; I don’t know but it makes sense to me. I feel your pain thru your words and I’m sorry if I come off as insensitive but I’d like us to get out of victim of circumstance mode and realize how powerful and wonderful we are. GOD chose to make you. He could have made you a damn rock or lichen but he chose to give you powers that only God spirits possess. We are not victims. This world is not all there is. And even if it was–the pendulum swings back and forth. Blacks have ruled before and we will again. Count on it. That is an inevitability. I believe the pain & hurt overtakes us–and I would never deny that this world is full of misery, but it is also full of beauty, love and wonder–I still believe that you can make this either a heaven or hell on earth–we are just THAT powerful. As a man thinketh…. We cannot fail, and tho most of us here don’t believe it, there is no right or wrong, we are all in God’s embrace and under his mercy & grace.

  67. Amarie on said:

    I’m reading the comments and i have to say Wow, this is deep. I have thought about dating out in the past, but I could never bring myself to do it. I still want a black man even if I have to travel to another continent to meet him. My fantasy man would look like the late Calvin Lockhart.lol

  68. Umoja on said:

    Thank you. I believe it’s much hype, meant to instill fear; therefore push many people towards whites. Sinister, indeed

  69. Umoja on said:

    @ Negress……
    Will you kindly delete my personal story that I’ve shared here. I don’t care for such insensitive response and a lecture about life and the metaphysics of life…and total lack of understanding with the undertone of ” you should have known better”….blah, blah, blah. I don’t need the wound re-opened or guilt or shame placed upon me that isn’t mine to have. This was a trying time and almost ten years ago, when I was very much poisoned and confused due to living in the U.S. which the majority of use will experience…..poison, rejection and hate of our own and ourselves. We have to be much more understanding and sensitive to others and not respond by lecture and arrogance…..please remove. Thank you

  70. Umoja on said:

    @Nmaat433…..
    I asked you firmly and politely NOT to reference or address my story, yet with your continued arrogance, lack of understanding, insensitivity and accusations … inflicting guilt and shame that IS NOT MINE to own, a lecture, blah, blah, blah and the ridiculous story to further victimize the African by stating that somehow we brought on our demise and atrocities through some kind of “karma”…..you continue to show such blatant disrespect and arrogance with not only your “2 cents” but a whole buck and a half!!!! Agree to disagree is not the case….and not what I’ve asked of you respectfully. Thank you

  71. T.Bee on said:

    @ umoja I am so sorry you went through such a heart wrenching experience. I do not personally know you but I fell your pain at being wronged by someone you were brave enough to care for and or love. I think we are here to learn compassion for each other no matter what. You were betrayed on so many levels it is amazing that you are able to share this. Your story really touched me and sharing it only proves you are strong. Never doubt this you didn’t fail those who could not show you compassion and judge you failed. They had the great opportunity to guide and heal you and they didn’t. That is our biggest down fall tearing each other apart. It is collectively what I think we need to learn.

  72. @Negress….
    You know what….I’ve decided not to have my story deleted. It may help many Black women to not become the victim of being used by a white man who is discretely, cleverly and covertly practicing white supremacy in the disguise of love and acceptance. I will not have my voice silenced nor will I own guilt or shame that isn’t mine to own. A victim has no business of being ashamed or feeling ashamed for the harm or hurt brought upon them. I would also like to add a publication that talks about such “relationships” that many black women would rather not share but take to their graves because of the shame and diabolical hurt and most of all the compounded shame, hurt and guilt inflicted upon those Black women who share such stories.

    ” Pieces of a Puzzle; the one thing Black females will not talk about”
    by, Reneathia Tate

    Thank you

  73. Sugarkiss on said:

    @ Onitaset

    Wow! These are some pwerful paragraphs….You know it’s the truth when you feel it in your soul.
    I know exacly what you mean by Euro’s lacking substance…they are obsessed with the superficial and flock to shiny and glitterly things. Sometimes I think the “average” Euro cannot even ingage in meaning much spiritual conversation…they don’t like eye to eye contact much…I could probably list many things but you really hit homw with your statements.

    And white woman are ALWAYS seeking acceptance, especially when you show intergiry and intelligence.

    ~Great post, @negress 🙂

  74. ‘Not too many black guys make me feel beautiful. ‘

    And in reference to the white boys: ‘They love my hair, skin, eyes, lips everything. They could be just trying to charm me or it could all be lies but I feel more beautiful around them’

    It is obvious that it is validation she SEEKS, from those outside of herself and from the opposite gender because from these sentences alone, she is stating that she NEEDS a man to make her FEEL beautiful or tell her that she is beautiful.
    What irks me is that (and I was listening to a show where something along the lines of this subject was discussed – Venus Williams and her white boyfrien’ making whatever ish they have going on official), a man can usually sense whether or not a woman has a high/ low self esteem – especially by the way she responds to his compliments. ‘Oh you’re so pretty’, ‘you’re so smart’… so that’s how women end up in relationships with child molesters, woman-beaters and straight devils who WAIT up until a certain point in their relationships, to expose their true selves.
    So what I’m getting from the need for the white boys to tell her that they like her lips and her hair (because usually, a woman with a high self esteem wouldn’t need a man to point out to her something she sees in the mirror every day, right?), is that they’re picking up on the fact that she doesn’t have a high degree of self confidence – and of course, they – ESPECIALLY they, use that to their advantage or they pray on women like that. And they’ll always have the upper hand over you.
    Now we’re talking about a Caucasian? They’re nothing but soul/energy thieves…nothing more, nothing less…so what kind of upper hand do you think this creature has, over this girl when it is obvious to him that she seeks male validation to feel worthwhile or beautiful. He literally knows the contents of her very inner being – or soul. That shit is scary to me.
    It’s easy to someone who is not in a relationship with anyone, let alone a Caucasian and wouldn’t wish to be to say ‘get out’ because you don’t really overstand what she is feeling or what he makes her feel…and we really shouldn’t dictate to an individual, what they should feel or who they should be in a relationship with, based on what we know or how we feel about that that specific KIND of people (for lack of better terms). What advise does one have really? All I’d have to say to her (and I’m guessing she’s young) as a 21 year old woman, who’s never been in any kind of a relationship with white boys but has HAD, in the past, sexual attractions to them (because that spell is deep), that you have every right to do what is you want to do. Given the questions, it would appear to me that she’s not 100% with the relationship but pertaining to her worries, she’s just going to have to figure out on her own.
    And let’s hope it doesn’t end her dismembered body parts being dug up in separate areas of the country.
    Okay that was a bad joke…but yeah.

  75. ‘I dated a white guy many years ago; very charming, wined and dined me, made me feel “special” and beautiful. No Black guy ever did this’

    Do you think white males treat Black women like this because they have this idea in their heads that MOST Black men don’t? Do you think this is a method (the whole wining, dining and making them feel special/beautiful) they use to lure Black women? Because it seems so to me.

  76. Ms. J on said:

    Thank you for sharing your story Umoja. I cannot hold your experiences against you. You were victimized when you should NOT have been victimized.

  77. nmaat:

    “The Law of Resistance. That which you resist you draw to you,…”

    Hmmm…so that’s why Europeans can’t seem to stay the fuck away from me.

  78. Ms. J on said:

    @Onitaset: Great points!!! I thought the same thing. They value quantity over quality. That’s why they like to hoard all of the world’s resources despite the damage being done to the Earth itself.

  79. At first i wasn’t going to comment because anytime a Black woman is considering going outside of Black men emotions tend to fly high–from both sides…

    One thing i would encourage everybody to consider is where she may live. Does she live in an area in the U.S. where the chances of her meeting a Black man that is eligible is high? She could live in a place like Seattle, Laramie, Salt Lake City…where there are barely any Blacks at all and the few Black men who are in overwhelmingly white places may be:

    1. already dating/married to a white woman (remember these places are just like being in Germany where if Black men do marry they will more than likely marry white women because they make up the majority of women)
    2. show a strong preference for white women because they were raised in these places around them.

    I’m just doing a little inductive reasoning here…

    If we are not willing to be overly critical of Brothers finding love where it finds them, we should impart the same treatment towards Sisters…

    Now the history of sexual relations between Blacks and whites perhaps is a little irrelevant for this post–in my estimation of things. We should try to examine this step by step, case by case before jumping to conclusions.

    Peace

  80. Due to white supremacy we for the most part are still eating like slaves indoctrinated to believe those who raped and brutalized us will now treat us better than our own. There are some good white people in this world but the likelihood of finding one who doesnt have a vested interest in the oppression of poc is slim. We were not allowed to mate with them to do so meant your children could have all typed of genetic mental defects. I love myself I want my children to look like me. It is hard finding a real friend let alone a mate. I would find happiness in me and allow my creator to provide as our creator is the best of providers.

  81. So many of our young are brainwashed to believing those who denied us our very hue manity have some how corrected their fractured souls and wish to be equals. Sadly this is a myth but too many of them have no guidance and define their lives in the very system designed to destroy us all. It is the curse of forgetfulness

  82. Jay in the Black Dimension. on said:

    The young lady who wrote this letter has already made her choice. It just seems that she wants validation. If she is a grown women, then she can do whatever she pleases as long as it is not harming anyone else.

    Now, this may be a little off topic but, reading some of the comments on here make me want to laugh, except I know these people are serious. This talk about Black women doing all the heavy lifting, black men not wanting black women, statistics, etc. Black women are not doing anything now that they haven’t been doing. In this country Black women have always worked. Black men have always been dispropotionately locked up in some form. The only difference now is that Black women are getting degrees. This does not mean that a woman “deserves” a mate more than a woman who makes minimum wage. Black women have always held down families in this country because they give birth. It’s important but it’s not special. All women of all races give birth.

    It is puzzling how at this juncture, Black people have not become media savvy. The media says that there aren’t enough Black men to go around and Black women go into desperation mode. Our families have been under attack since we came here. Now white supremacists media puts out movies like Something New and televisions shows like Scandal some Black women think that this is ground breaking. White males have always had sexual access to Black females. Period. Now Black men with white females is rather new, but that’s another conversation.

    This is why Black people are despised and mocked and are the doormats of the world. Not because we were slaves. Not because of our hair. Not because of our skin. It’s because we are the most gullible people on the face of the planet. Why should anyone take us serious. White people are in a sort of parent/child relationship with Black people. Whatever they tell us becomes our reality. We buy into all of their concepts, even the ones that don’t work for them like their version of “love”, and then we seem suprised when things don’t work out for us.

    How do we not see that history is just repeating itself with new people? Whatever plans that the white power structure have for us are not to empower us. That’s already been proven. These Nazi’s and white supremacist who say that our problems are genectic make me wonder. I don’t want to believe them, but we keep doing the same things and falling for the same things over and over.

  83. Umoja on said:

    @mxchocosensualhedbob

    No, I don’t think it’s a lure to get Black women. Many white men, as the one I was involved with, wine and dine their own race of women. It’s normal to them and how they were taught to court a woman. Their relationship never targeted for destruction. It is my opinion that neither Black men or Black women were taught how to love themselves let alone each other. It is when I’d reached my adult life that I had to teach myself how to love myself and others. Black men aren’t taught to love, honor, respect their race of women, but to “sow their oats”….objectify their race of women….sound familiar? Having complete naivety in where this teaching originated from while unfortunately passing on such teaching in Black life, by both Black men and Black women.
    How can a Black man love a Black woman if he has been intentionally taught to objectify his race of women sexually, refer to her as a b*tch, whore, n*gga, and the like and to “sow his oats” and praised for doing so: while heads do not turn when he abandons his Black children? Where Black life isn’t valued nor taught. Sound familiar?
    The bond and love between the Black man and Black woman was intentionally and systematically targeted for destruction long ago; a threat to whites; yet unfortunately adopted unknowingly by the populous of Blacks…by BOTH unsuspecting Black men and Black women.
    Black women suffer the same. I grew up with, ” n**gas ain’t shyt”, “there are no good Black men”. Unfortunately many Black men behaved in such a way as they were taught to do so. Black women do not know how to love their race of men, but to hate their race of men, intentionally…..it goes deeper than that. Many Black women have succumbed to hating and feeling suspect of their own race of women. Few Black women, at least were I live, cannot count on one hand the Black female friends they have. It’s all been intentionally and systematically targeted for hate; therefore division and hate within the whole populous. Black men nor Black women are to blame, but the lack of awareness and ignorance falls on our shoulders and is our responsibility. We must begin to love ourselves and each other, both Black men and Black women and Black women begin to accept sisterhood in their own race of women.

  84. Jay

    You make excellent points. Why do we keep doing the same things over and over? Because we are mentally ill. Some of us know that and are trying to make a honest change in our lifestyles, eating habits, mate, spirituality and even where we choose to live.

    Others…well…that’s another story.

  85. Umoja on said:

    @Jay…
    What many Blacks FAIL to do…..Blacks DO NOT teach their children of this system of white supremacy, it’s tools, tactics or the like. The parents possess much poison of their own race of people and the great ignorance and lack of awareness of this system; therefore many Blacks are easily victimized in this system that awaits the non-suspecting and uninformed. We have got to begin to give a dam about each other with understanding and compassion. It’s appalling how the lack of understanding and compassion that is collectively shared amongst Blacks towards their own. FYI…giving birth is special . What are we teaching our children if giving birth is not special. Unfortunately, many Blacks perceive and treat Black birth as nothing special in our Black communities and lives. Blacks do not share the same life , history or #1 targets of white supremacy/racism as others.

  86. Yup…and don’t be mad..but probably why they continue to be drawn to you and the negative situations continue to occur…after years of it happening you probably expect it to and the universe is simply matching energy for energy..change the way you view things and the things you view will change…it sounds too damn simple to be true but I’m telling you it IS just that simple..

  87. Sis, the last thing I want is for you to feel that I add salt to your wounds. I won’t respond any further. I apologize if you took my words as being arrogant or accusatory. They were not meant that way. I will take your critique to heart and I wish us all healing and peace.

  88. Tyrone on said:

    @Onitaset

    As blackmen, we lose sight of the fact that our black sisters have been polluted by white culture in the US and beyond.

    GoTeam

  89. Mickey on said:

    I agree about the media. “Something New” & “Scandal” are far from groundbreaking. Has anyone remembered Tom & Helen Willis from “The Jeffersons”?

  90. Tyrone on said:

    @mstoogood4yall

    Whitemen will never stop chasing after blackwomen, the temptation is too strong. Whitemen are sexually attracted to blackwomen, but, their mindset will never change. The biggest problem that whitemen have, is that, they will always hate blackmen for being black. A blackwoman can easily jump into bed with a whiteman, but, she can’t do a damn’ thing about reforming the psyche of whitemen. Her whiteman will be uncomfortable around blackmen, and it will show. I don’t see any real passion within the black female/white male dynamic, being brutally honest about it. If a sista can’t hook a brotha, she chooses the white guy…WoW! Whitemen don’t deserve the love and company of Nubian women, they haven’t proven to me that they’ve really changed for the better.

    Ty
    PS…Sista, black is black. We need to move away from the tribalism within our race. A blackwoman shouldn’t have to pollute her body by jumping in bed with whitey, just saying.

  91. Umoja on said:

    @Jay….
    “we do those same things over and over”.
    I must agree, yet when I tell Black people that collectively we must realize and become aware of the world/system we live in; many refuse and deem it “racist” and “don’t want to hear that Black stuff”.
    I’ve had many embarrassed while casually out in public when I speak on “Black issues” and white supremacy. They’d rather I didn’t in public and appease those whites who are around.
    In a nut-shell, many just rather not accept that we are in a world governed and ruled by white supremacy or accept the fact that there are many tactics devised against us……to our demise each time. Therefore we continue to succeed every tactic. Ironically; not one of such tactics are new. Blacks are indeed ignorant to what I call, “war tactics”; and have been for generations; therefore easily defeated. And most importantly ; the refusal to look upon whites as our historical enemies then AND NOW, is our down-fall and deemed “racist” by many Blacks. Ignorance is not bliss; but deadly.

  92. Tyrone on said:

    @blktea

    As it relates to blackmen not loving their reflection, Really? Don’t be fooled by white media, magazines, IR blogs, websites, and so forth. The enemy that we’re up against controls the media that allow into our homes and phones on a daily basis. Sports, hollywood, adult-films, talk-shows, etc. As i’ve said before, blackwomen are the real prize. Why would whitemen push their own women into the arms of blackmen if they thought they were the apex of womanhood? If it doesn’t make sense, Why believe it? Blackmen running around with Becky is so phony to educated men. Blackmen are laughed at by men in the loop, we’re a joke to them. We have the finest women on the planet, and we would rather chase around a bunch of plastic whitewomen who have to pay to look good…WTF? The so-called blackmen that you speak of are not black in my eyes. A blackman can’t view himself as a member of our race if he has no love for black womanhood. I don’t believe in the IR bulls**t that’s sweeping the land at this time. Self-loathing brothas are trying to validate their manhood by getting back at Casper…Pointless! The PoC issue, Why do we care so much? If a woman is Native-American, will it make blackwomen feel better about the situation, Hell No!? Yeah, the woman may be sun-kissed, but, that’s not helping blackwomen. Sistas need to move away from that crap, asian and native-american women behave no differently than their white female counterparts. It’s easy for them to chase, Why? Unlike other women, blackwomen actually love the men of their race. PoC is a stealth word that has been created by those that enslaved and raped blackwomen, if you really wanna know the ugly truth about it. Blackwomen have been betrayed by so-called women of color, who are themselves byproducts of white male rape. I don’t care for the term. As far as other men are concerned, again, what’s different? Sistas having so-called black children with other men is a crapshoot. How can we expect other men to raise their biracial children as black, they have no incentive to do that. They got what they wanted, which is brown sugar day in and day out. They’re not gonna assist blackmen in advancing blackness on the planet. Blackmen can’t support other men being with blackwomen, because, we know they don’t like us. There is no reason to sugarcoat this issue. Black Tea, we need to realize that integration is not the answer. My primary concern is for black people, i could care less about what other races think. I’m tired of non-blacks meddling in the affairs of our race…Seriously! I have to apologize for loving blackwomen just because other women are jealous of my black sisters…Who the f**k are they to decide whether i should or should not be loyal to my race? All of this is trivial to me, which is why i’m vexed right now typing this post. Common Sense is a foreign concept to many at this time. Black Love is what we’re fighting for and will always fight to maintain. Blackmen need to realize that we will be fighting to love our women for eternity, because, others don’t want us to love them organically and righteously. Loving blackwomen should be as natural as the sun rising in the morning and setting in the night.

    Black Eros

  93. honeytreebee on said:

    Another reason I am so glad I don’t watch t.v. and I am in the process of refining my computer time too. We need to cut and control exposure to toxic sites. I find ding this helps a lot. It also gives more free time. I look for positive movies about us and then buy them to watch and share with friends. We have so much control and power over us and our inner selves I think we should focus there first then family.

  94. honeytreebee on said:

    @Umoja

    Perhaps they do this out of fear. Their not wanting to talk openly about racism or the realities of our surroundings. I find being nice and using my best words when meeting black people throws them off. It is sad we are not used to being treated kindly by our own. We need healing tactics and gentleness which for many is alien in this world.

    I remember I gave this older black lady my seat once on a crowded train and she was so shocked cause everyone saw her and no one wanted to move for her. She said thank you with tears in her eyes cause she wasn’t expecting kindness from no one not even her own. we may expect poor behavior of others, but never should we expect it or accept it of our own.

    How can we heal if, we do not have a safe place to even tell out tales? This is also why your story and your braveness are so important! We need to be able to say when we are hurt and share so we all gain wisdom and can grow and heal together. Your healing is my healing and our healing is collective. That is why we all hurt when tragic situations are shown on the news. We feel it and share collective pain.

    I think our leaders and even the great minds of thought and healing from Jesus to Buddha were trying to teach us the biggest lesson to being free. Compassion and Love for self that transcends into compassion and Love for all. We can’t love others till we love ourselves first. I think that is why we have not moved forward as a people. We have yet to love ourselves and accept our collective selves as a whole. When we do this I think we will finally flip the script and be done with this madness.

  95. @Umoja, i agree. we as black ppl failed our kids about white supremacy and other “white evil deed’s” that are deadly to us as a ppl.

    I love being who i am and i want the same for all of our ppl but this Disrespect of bw most go “Now”
    we as blacks need each other no matter what we may think.

    the black man cant make with out the woman, and the the black woman cant make it with out the man. we as a ppl work as a team! lol our children are our children our future.

  96. everyone check this video out!

  97. SugarKiss on said:

    Ohhhhh… so many thoughts about this issue…just. So many.

    First off, about the letter, my belief about that is the gift and curse of living in the “melting pot” that is USA run by white supremacy.

    Why? According to mass global media:

    – white men have all the money
    -they get all the girls
    -are superheros
    -their family units are almost always intact
    -the can only have complex relationships and “dilemmas”
    -Blacks in particular have been oppressed for so many years we have been brainwashed into “feeling good” about when white ppl “get it” or want to bed the oppressed
    – entitlements are built in to the reality of being with a white man as a part of modern society
    -they can do ANYTHING, including love a black woman better than her own man can
    -and on…and on… and on…

    ~This is an example of the ultimate group think, mind control process. If you continue to watch TV, you will absorb this “collective energy” and actually spend brain cells believing the ideology about IR relationships between b/w that has been so eloquently and passionately described here already. #toxic

    I’m speculating, but these feelings are what develops in this young woman who could probably count on one hand the collective positive energy that this society has put forth and supported about Blacks. How hard are we looking for reflections of self love and black love and coming up waaaaaaay short?

    We are forced to live and deal and rationalize, cope, teach, work, play, love… ourselves in an environment that has become suffocating and toxic in the NON promotion of black love. Black intelligence, Black contribution… Like another poster stated–“It’s child’s play” for them. We are the lowest common denominator no matter who immigrates to these shores. They are creating this reality and becoming very good at it.

    Just think:

    -Our jobs are many times dead end with the almighty glass ceiling
    -we are preyed on even in lending practices designed to “keep em honest”
    -we have adopted the “Oooohh shiny! New!” mentality of valuing things/money or ppl and we have NOT benefited from it in the long run.
    -we have been separated from our homeland, our link to spirituality attacked continuously, mocked while we are only worth the size our retirement portfolios or disrespected by the notion of abusing “entitlements”.

    Yet, in all of f.u.c.k.e.r.y, we THRIVE! They are completely baffled by this! And that is why we will always be “othered” by them! Always! Our coping and thriving is AMAZING! But the hatred and jealousy and arrogance is somehow the only attributes they can agree on to perpetuate on us.

    To be continued…

  98. Powerful words and you sister truth have created space for a glorious awakening

  99. SugarKiss on said:

    Now about the spiritual and growth side of things…

    First off, I grapple with this daily. There is so much oppression and depression.. The state of American Blacks is chopped and screwed for us. We are told to “get over it” and ” forget the past” and “God loves everybody” and “Ohh let me touch your hair!” It’s no wonder we are lost.We are a mess at times.

    But I also believe that…in every single experience, every lesson, we are gradually being woken up…being brought back to each other as the original ppl. Every broken heart, every expression of black love is a drop in the fountain of restoration. I believe the souls that inhabit whites (reincarnated or not) are of a lower vibration, and maybe that is their own lesson to come here and NOT get caught up in the power that white privilege provides and to help uplift, but that is not my struggle. Or my ppl’s struggle.

    At the commenter who mentioned black and doormats, my take on that is different…like how the Natives are viewed. Passionate, one with nature. On a deep spiritual level, even with all of the fighting that is going on and perpetuated in Africa, we know this is our home. We come from love and like a battered woman before she slits her husband’s throat, we are awakening.

    So whether it be through pain, love, frustration, understanding, we are all experiences life simultaneously! We are all creators and we are STILL asleep to this truth! I don’t need to HATE anyone to work on being my best BLACK self and help fulfill that need in others! Those aspects will co-exist until we are truly free, imo.

    We must tirelessly pave the way back to black love!
    Redirect the is chaotic negative MASS energy drain!
    We need to restore peace and fairness and recover the lost ways of meditation and self love and inflection for our children, our family unit…

    Maybe this young woman could benefit from turning off the TV and other mass media and take to the streets. See where hers soul’s attraction takes her…

    I hope she understands one day that she already has all the companionship and love she will ever need on this Earth.

    We all do.

    Find a compliment to your life’s purpose.
    Not a substitute.

    SK

  100. SugarKiss on said:

    @ Kal,

    Thanks so much! I have learned to find peace and love in every attribute of myself and help instill that in others, my children, etc. I know our days are numbered here and I know that the parasitic nature of the Euro will be conquered , overcome in time.

    SK

  101. Sis, let me give you some ‘virtual’ dap…lol..MAGNIFICENT!!!…And the choir says Amen. lol…

  102. anonymous on said:

    I have been thinking about this topic for quite awhile. I think that the young lady should at least ask the man she is considering a lot of questions, based off of the information given in the comments written here. If he is not willing to surrender every single relationship he considers important to be with her, it is not worth it. I like a story a friend shared with me.

    Her sister married a White man. He told his family that if they were unwilling to accept her, then they could not have a relationship with him. He let go of all of his White friends, and developed friendships with Black people. What many White people do not understand, is that in order for a Black person to be in a relationship with them, a lot of things have to be considered. Given the history that Black people have, crossing that line can have an impact on so many areas of life. I would ask the young lady, if you are not feeling anything negative about the guy, then why did you need to seek an outside opinion. Are you sensing on a deeper level that maybe something about him is not right?

    For the poster who was in a relationship with a White man, and it didn’t work out, I feel your pain. Thank goodness you have such an excellent perspective on what went wrong in the relationship, and that it was the guy who was being a jerk. I agree with some of what was said here, that Black parents need to educate children about what to look out for if they decide to date outside of our culture.

    To the young lady who is the subject of this post. Think long and hard about what you want in a relationship with the guy you are considering, and ask him the really hard questions. When you ask him those hard questions about race, pay close attention to his responses. Whatever you decide to do take your time. Don’t rush into anything no matter how nice and charming he presents himself to be.

  103. “Find a compliment to your life’s purpose.
    Not a substitute.”

    WOw that right there is powerful.

  104. that is crazy,i’m not surprised its louisiana.There it is kinda segregated as far as the neighborhoods.Blacks live on one side whites on the other.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3lli6JHU60 here’s a vid of another racist incident in you guessed louisiana.

  105. blktea on said:

    @ Tyrone Just say your post. Hey, I’m not down personally for WM, but if, I can’t find my black complement then yeah I would consider a MOC Man of Color. I hear what you are saying and all, but there is like 4-5 brothas for every 10 sistas. I mean ones that are sane and really want you for you. My friend who introduced me to this blog has the no man but a black man attitude. In an idea world yeah I’d want and date exclusively black, but this ain’t. And everyone with black skin don’t love sistas and will use her like… well you already know. However, when a brotha does approach and he’s true I give him a chance over and above others. However, Tyrone out here out west that is far and few between.

    You are right I can’t name a black woman that I know who doesn’t love BM through and through. There would be less dating out if, more men and women had it together and more BW heard what you just wrote come out of the mouth of a BM. If, he single he might get kissed. I find it hard to do more than date MOC it is not just an attraction thing I never truly feel at ease even though I have had nothing, but positive experience with them, but I have yet to you know with one… My friend Honey says I should figure out why and dig deep on this she’s a real friend, but I wonder if, she is biased because she wants to live in an all black world. LOL you know I love you !!!

    She is always finding ways to shop black. She looking for black owned toothpaste and want solar panels and will pay extra for the black company. She’s a little intense as she says all black men are manifestations of GOD and for a black woman to know God she must know him BM and love him above all others. I don’t know if I would ever go that far, but it hurts not having my own and knowing there is a real chance that I could go my whole life without. So, there Tyrone. What now!!

  106. Umoja on said:

    @ BEE…
    Thank you for your understanding and compassion Bee. You’re compassion and understanding allows many to find their voice again and begin the much needed healing. I’ve done my healing, but there are many who suffer alone having no welcomed compassion or understanding…having no outlet for such alien diabolical betrayal. Suffering alone and met with unwarranted shame, ridicule and judgment. Thank you again ((( hugs)))

  107. Umoja on said:

    @ ONITASET…..
    Thank you for all your post here. They all feed my soul.
    I’ve written them all down for safe keeping.

  108. Umoja,

    I am very appreciative for your story and the book you recommended. I find ‘experience’ can illuminate, and yours was a brave share.

    Thank you. You inspire us to work harder and know more.

  109. SugarKiss on said:

    @ nmaat433 and mstoogood4yall,

    Thanks (receives the dap, daps back) much appreciated ladies. You know it’s from the heart 🙂

    Be blessed and be well,

    SK

  110. GreeneInk on said:

    Men are men. There are slimy white guys who treat their own women bad, black men who treat white women bad, and white men who treat black women bad, and vice versa … evil doesn’t come in a color.

    Check him out. Thoroughly.

    Not for his looks, not for his nice ways, not even for his family background and bank account … check his history of relationships with other people, former wives, ex-girlfriends, children if he has any, and the way other people react when he’s around — even the people on his job.

    The rule of thumb is that “if a man has children on welfare, that’s where he will ultimately leave you.”

    I don’t mean that to say that he even HAS all those issues …

    I meant it to say that the way he treats others and the impact he has on their lives is more than likely exactly where you will end up, whether the man is black or white or what have you.

    It has been my personal experience that younger white guys are more fun and exciting to be around than most black men I’ve ever known of any age.

    I’ve never dated one (a white guy), but I wouldn’t sweat anyone who does.

  111. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @blktea…I completely agree.

  112. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @soforeal…I’m not judging you, but that seems very cruel. Wouldn’t it be better to not deal with WW on that level at all? What is the purpose of hurting them? Just stay away from them if you hate them so much.

  113. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @Umoja…your story moves me. Thanks so much for sharing. My experiences have been similar for the most part, although I was more abused/mistreated by other Black people than I was by whites.

    I hope you will be able to heal.

  114. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @mzchoco…I agree with Umoja about the differences in courting women among Black and White men.

    I think SOME men (regardless of race) will wine/dine a woman with evil intentions behind it, but this is generally not the case.

    Like Umoja said, it seems to be cultural more than anything. I’ve met Black men who are true gentlemen but this is because they were raised right and sadly, that isn’t too common in my neck of the woods.

    The Black boys I knew growing up mostly listened to rap music with filthy lyrics and they weren’t raised with values, so they grew into Black men who disrespect women (esp. Black women) and believe that a man should keep “bitches” in line with physical/verbal abuse. And I won’t even blame it on rap music because it is an issue in Caribbean cultures as well…my stepfather was a truly vile man.

    Not to say that white men are angels, because many of them are scum too…but I believe that in many instances they cherish their girls and women. They have their share of rapists and pedophiles and abusers, but I think most of the time WM view WW as something to be treasured. I’m not sure that this is usually the case with Black men (hope I don’t offend anyone, I’m simply adding my two cents to the discussion).

    By saying this, I’m not placing blame on Black men. I think many have been socialized in ways that run deep, just like Black women have. But from my perspective, I have been in situations where Black men have treated me like shit and glorified WW or Latinas. Then in turn, these women felt like they were better than me and they were validated by the attention these coons were giving them. While on the other hand, it is VERY rare for white men to uplift Black women and disrespect their own…that almost never happens. But I guess it all stems from history and the way things have played out.

    I know an older white man who loves his daughter to death and she is nearly 50 years old, but he still views her as his little girl. He is very protective of her. He always points out little girls that remind him of her when she was a child. This kind of father/daughter relationship is unusual for women of ANY race, but I think more so for lots of Black women. That is why I smile when I see Black fathers being involved with their children, esp. their daughters, and instilling self-worth in them. And it also makes me do a happy dance when I see Black couples who truly love and respect one another. I want to see more Black men and women falling in love and staying that way. I want to see more Black men loving their daughters the way my white coworker loves his daughter.

    It’s not even about being wined and dined, to me. It’s just about knowing that I am loved and appreciated or at the very least, respected. Not being objectified for my tits or my ass or my light skin or long hair. Not being groped or spit at or called a “bitch/whore” or beaten or treated disrespectfully. Most Black women have not been viewed as “ladies” the way WW have and we haven’t been given the same protection. Whereas a lot of white men will fight tooth and nail to uphold the WW, to keep her on a pedestal.

  115. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @mzchoco…very true! I believe that as women, we need to be very careful of who we keep company with and who we have relationships with.

    I don’t even think this only pertains to white men because I have been in toxic relationships with men of color, too. I was with a Black man for SIX years who was mentally/verbally/emotionally and at times, physically abusive. The relationship started when I was a very young girl with extremely low self-esteem. Some men, like you said, can just tell that a woman is looking for love and doesn’t love herself enough to do better.

    It was painful but that relationship taught me so much about respecting myself, learning to love myself, and walking away at the first hint of disrespect or abuse. I almost want to thank my ex for showing me that I deserved better than him.

    As to the issue of Black women who feel validated by white men…I am not against IR, nor do I have a tough stance on it like most other people here. But I will say that I feel sorry for Black women who believe that being with a white man or a Latino or some other light-skinned dude will somehow validate them. I try not to judge these girls/women harshly because I realize where the mentality comes from.

    I think for some women, it is because they feel that decent Black men are in short supply. So the alternative is to either date “out”, to become a lesbian, or to be alone.

    I think for other women, sometimes it is because their self-esteem is painfully low. In a society that doesn’t always appreciate the beauty of Black women (their features/hair/bodies), some young Black girls covet the looks of biracial or even white girls and I’ve heard some Black girls say that they want to have “mixed” babies. Beauty standards are generally not inclusive of sistahs with deep brown skin and kinky hair. And when some Black men are quick to belittle Black women for possessing the same features that they, themselves have…I can see how a young Black woman could feel somewhat validated when somebody comes along and tells her she is beautiful. Particularly if that person happens to be a white male, pretty much the ruler of the world. If the girl in question has not been taught to value herself, she will be vulnerable to being exploited by men, period.

    I think for some Black women, it’s like: “he could have chosen a blue-eyed blonde or an Asian or a light-skinned Latina, but he didn’t. He thinks I’m pretty”. In a society where men of all races generally treat Black women poorly, it wouldn’t be difficult to feel flattered by that kind of attention.

    Some white men truly do love Black women and see them as beautiful, but I would say to be wary of the ones with a fetish. These are the ones that call you “exotic” and are looking for a thrill.

    Two Black women who were abused by white men in relationships come to mind…Dorothy Dandridge and this young lady who was killed by her boyfriend a few years ago, Jacqueline something. The boyfriend was a former Marine and one night he stabbed her to death. And Lita McClinton, who was gunned down by a hitman who was hired by her white husband.

  116. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @phoebe…this is very true as well. I have a friend who lives in New England and she is married to a white man. Nearly all the Black men have white wives. This is Maine we’re talking about and it’s one of the whitest states.

    And you are right to mention the possibility of the OP living somewhere where there may be few Black people. That thought crossed my mind, too.

  117. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @ Umoja…I agree. My mother is Jamaican. She has been in the US since 1976. She has some understanding and awareness of racism, but her West Indian culture makes her distrustful of other Blacks, esp. African Americans.

    She failed to raise me with real knowledge of who I was and what it means to be Black in this country. I believe that she has a very sheltered view of things sometimes…I’m not really sure where it comes from. Her attitude is pretty much, “as long as you work, pay taxes, and do what you’re supposed to do, you’ll be fine”.

    So this means that the first time I was called a nigger and my black features were mocked (on an otherwise very white-looking girl), I knew I couldn’t turn to my mother for help or support. When white teachers would say I was “articulate”, my mom would beam like it was a compliment. When I experienced racism of any kind, my mother’s response was to act ashamed and in one instance, she accused me of playing the race card.

    My mother is generally not an ignorant person but sometimes it is painfully obvious that she has been infected with the “poison” you speak of.

  118. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @GreeneInk…great post! I couldn’t agree more!

  119. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @ Sugar…that is so deep and so true.

  120. Oh please. Only on blog topics about Black women dating WM do you hear all the nonsense about Black women having to be so careful. Do yall tell this to BW dating BM -who are basically using BW for sex -our 80% out of wedlock rates proves this very well. By the way, why are BM the most unmarried men in America? I’ll wait.

    I digress.

    I’d bet good money the most passionate anti-swirl commenters here are 1)BM not married to any BW (with the out of wedlock kids to prove it) and 2)BW who are single mothers of sons by BM.

    Those two groups are very invested in keeping BW away from WM demonizing hims as a, yawn, slavemaster while “Jermome” just LOVES his “slavemaster’s daughter”… as they applaud Kim and Kanye, Ice T and Coco, Lil Wayne, Mike Jordan and the many BM celebrities who diss BW, brag about WW oh yes, they love those folks.

    BM swirling is NORMALIZED by Black America oh yes it is and the scant BM who DO marry, 25% of them swirl marry so don’t pee on my foot and tell me its rain!

    Oh and dark skin BW, oh my. Girls, do swirl you have more value to other brothers than most BM!

    BW you’be been HAD. Bamboozled. To stay in a dysfunctional community that places scant value on you.

    To that young lady go out with him! Vet him and all men the same. Chill on the skinfolks pass, LOL. Look out for men who value you and remember, explore your options as BM ALWAYS have!

  121. Lolz at the trollz 😛

  122. White male nonsense. It is premeditated suicide for any black male or woman to be involved with any whites period. Why waste your time and anyone else who read your drivel.

  123. Really Bry, stop! Stop commenting on black women & IR dating. You are a biracial man–mother white, father black. Due to that FACT, your comments on black womens’ choice to date IR is super trolling. STFU! Respectfully 😀

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