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diaryofanegress

Observations of an Invisible Woman

Open Discussion #3

OK guys…it’s that time again. What’s on your minds? I know something’s bothering you…you haven’t been the same since my “Black is the New Gay” post, sooooo….what’s cooking?

I’ll tell you what’s on my mind right now:

I really want to open my own business but money is the biggest issue right now. I was reading that The House of Rothschild owns more than half of THE WORLD’S wealth and was the one that set up the “interest rate” system of loans. So the more we have, the more we owe!

Brilliant scheme. Your turn.

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54 thoughts on “Open Discussion #3

  1. wilson on said:

    I am need of some timeless wisdom.

    As a black invisible woman who has lived a little, what are the main lessons you have learnt about life? They don’t have to be race related but they can be.

  2. 1. I’m thinking about the allegory thing you told me about.

    2. I’m thinking about my project and whether I should use my name or a pen name.

    3. I’m wondering if I’m the only one in my one-horse town who noticed that mainstream rap is sounding alike to each other. It’s like a mass production of one song over and over lol.

    4. I’m anxious about meeting this person from Marvel Comics who will check out my project.

    5. I wonder about the appearance of some of my characters. Some of the black female characters have straight hair, and one has braids and another has cornrolls. I fear of a backlash from that because of the natural hair thing.

    6. I wonder if it’s going to rain again.

    7. I want to complete my project by this weekend. I’m wondering how to end it.

    8. I still hate the mainstream and local news, but I like Democacy Now.

    9. I wish my project had a theme song lol.

    10. I wonder if thinking too much is a bad thing?

    11. I need a vacation to another place. lol

  3. @ Wilson

    Ok….here goes:

    You know that little voice in your head that whispers in your ear? That voice tells you, “Wilson, this is a bad idea. Don’t trust him/her. Try another job/field/career. This man/woman is not the one for you….”

    Please, please, please listen to that voice. It’s your ancestors warning you of danger, a threat, of malice of pain.

    It’s when you try to rationalize it by shrugging it off, you get into HOT WATER.

    Another lesson:
    When you speak to someone, look deeply into their eyes…take notice of their facial expressions and that “gaze” that they give you. Everything you need to know about that person is centered in their eyes.

    About white people:

    Please don’t think me mad but whites will always act in their own best interest. And I mean that in every avenue of life. Sex, Work, Money and Friendship. If they cannot benefit form it in some way, it’s not worth doing.

  4. @ Brothawolf

    Holy COW!!! LOL!

    1. The Allegory issue can be solved by alerting wordpress, etc and banning that asshole and letting him stew in his own filth.

    2. Use a pen name. Anonymity is key with personal projects.

    3. No…we all agree that rap in the mainstream sucks!

    4. Anxiety can be replaced with confidence if you believe in yourself. And I believe in you too, bro.

    5. Let your African characters have natural hair and fuck everyone who hates it! We blacks need to be reintroduced to black pride!

    6. I dunno. I’m not Sam Champion, you know.

    7. Let your spirit guide you in completing your project. Go out into the sun. Melatonin at night serves as a great inspiration.

    8. I don’t watch TV. Today I cancelled my cable box. TV sucks!

    9. What theme song would you like? Something 70ish?

    10. If thinking too much is a bad thing then us black folks would all be dead.

    11. Come to PA. It’s pretty here in the fall.

    *whew*

  5. wilson on said:

    Thanks.

  6. Sure…anytime.

  7. 1. I’ve banned Allegory.

    2. I came up with a pen name

    3. Even grassroots and some rappers agree that mainstream rap sucks. I’m glad though.

    4. That’s true.

    5. Is it still natural if it’s braided or cornrolled with no extensions? Plus, my work is about reflecting on American society which include sistas with straight hair. Also, my first graphic novel is almost done and it will introduce a new series.

    6. It looks like rain already lol.

    7. I also wonder how I’m going to promote it. It’ll come to me though.

    8. Yeah, but there’s still online news though.

    9. I want it to be something late 80-ish-early 90-ish, something memorable that people can sing and maybe dance to. Although with some depth.

    10. That’s true too.

    11. Sounds nice.

    12. My head hurts. lol

    13. I think I said enough about my secret project. lol

  8. I’m thinking of how to Organize our people and attract across the internet all of our Siblings to focus on creating Centers for which racial independence can be mastered and put into practice.

  9. To everyone:

    Please help Onitaset out and support African Blood Siblings. His newsletter will provide you with much information on how to improve your life and become independent of this fascist system.

    Click on his name to be redirected to his website. We blacks need to stick together now more than ever.

  10. @ Brothawolf:

    1. Hoorah!

    5. Ok…braided and cornrows is fine as long as you keep it real.

    9. Listen to the theme song from Shaft for inspiration:

    13. Yes..your “secret project” ain’t so secret anymore! LOL!

  11. mary burrell on said:

    Well, I’m glad Brotha Wolf got that jerk Allegory banned from the site. I wondered why he let him go as long as he did. “Praise Jesus for that.” I just want to make from one day to the next. I’m challenging myself with learning about different ancient civilizations of the world. Becoming more articulate. When I go to Abagond’s thread I feel like someone who has brought a knife to a gunfight. All those intellectuals/scholars. You and Brotha Wolf, and Kushite and Some Guy are pretty smart. I want to learn how to be more tech savy.

  12. mary burrell on said:

    But for the most part I feel comfortable on your blogsite. Sister Ifeel like we are a little cyberspace family.

  13. Ron Thomas on said:

    As a whole:
    When are we going to stop being so damned gullible?
    When are we going to stop making excuses, see things as they really are, and get about the business of fixing things for our damned selves?
    When are we going to stop ASKING for equal treatment (as if it was someone’s to give) and just refuse anything but?
    When are we going to learn to read more, and understand what we read?
    When are we going to figure out that we don’t always have to have the last word; be right; allow someone else to have a POV that maybe ain’t yours, and generally, check our egos at the door when we talk to each other?
    When are we going to learn that the “things” we place so much emphasis on, are just THINGS?
    When are we going to get it through our heads that we are our last best hope, and our first and last line of defense, no matter what? We are all we got.
    Lastly, when are we going to learn that sometimes, the best course of action is to just shut the H*LL UP, and let fools be fools, instead of crawling into the mud with them?

  14. That made me smile!

  15. @ Miss Mary

    Without you and Brothawolf and Prince and Ron, etc…I wouldn’t know half of what I know today. Reading and learning is a life long process. Like Onitaset says “each one teach one.”

  16. That’s cause we are.

  17. Ron,

    Did I ever tell you you’re awesome? LOL!

    Ego is a dangerous thing! And there’s plenty of that in the black community! Since we need to “prove” how damn smart we are, we NEVER LISTEN!!!

    As for the waiting for equality thing?

    I’m done with that shit!

    I want my own business, like, yesterday but it’s the money that I don’t have! And forget banks…they won’t lend you a damn thing! I’m all out of ideas on how to get funding for my own little company.

    Hey Ron,

    Blacks are empathetic creatures. We give and share. We have compassion. It’s in the blood. Whites…you know the rest. Being gullible comes from wanting to have faith in your fellow man.

  18. @ Ron

    Another thing. We’re on the verge of a complete societal breakdown. Is because we’re so busy trying to make ends meet that we can’t seem to come together.

  19. Ron Thomas on said:

    Good Afternoon Ma’am,
    You flatter me…but I’ll take it as a compliment in the sense that I don’t sound too crazy when I write. Thank You.

    As for your wanting to start a business; ever thought about trying the Federal Government?

    http://www.ehow.com/how_5265849_government-business-loans.html

    Since the big push is to “jump-start America”, they should be willing to at least listen. Besides, all you are trying to do is your part to stimulate the economy in the Black Community that everyone’s always saying needs to be done.

    There are times when I despair that we’ll EVER pull it all together. I mope, I fuss, I eat a bowl of ice cream, and then I wade back in to see what I can do to help in my small corner of the world.

  20. @ Ron

    Yeah…I sleep at lot when life gets me down. Don’t give up. And thanks for the link. Ron, do you have any advise for us to get it together?

  21. mary burrell on said:

    One more thing, I will let go of my need to have all the answers.

  22. Ron Thomas on said:

    Hello Again Ma’am,

    I can’t help you with the advice, but I can do some research for you. The job I have brings me into contact occasionally with people that have been through the process, and I can ask them for any information they are willing to share.

  23. I found your website a couple weeks ago because I did a search for something like “I can’t have white friends” and your post came up. THANK JAH.

    Over this year, one of my biggest realizations has been that white people are NOT our friends, no matter how long of a “shared history/friendship” we may have had. Even when it comes to coworkers, this year I just see on how much of a different plane of existence we are, and I can’t bring myself to even trust them.

    Ever looked into the eyes of a white person with light, multi-hued irises? I know there are Afrikans with light eyes, but white people with those crazy blue/green eyes…I just *can’t.*

    I’ve come into my own very strongly this year, and my “friendships” with ALL (and I had too many, I admit) clear people have pretty much completely disintegrated. It is true that when a person of color associates with a clear, the person of color finds themselves assimilating to whiteness rather than the other way around. It’s like you can *never* be fully yourself in the presence of an albion.

    I’ve really wrestled with this, trying to find the one or two redeeming factors in the equation, and I am amazed (I probably shouldn’t be) that there are probably no exceptions to this rule.

    Since my birthday in three months ago, I decided that this year I would not hang out with nor associate myself with albions with the exception of business dealings. And then when I see how albions are so self-serving even in “professional” areas, I am finding more and more that it’s time to sever the ties– there is nothing to hold onto!

  24. Ron Thomas on said:

    Anytime.

  25. Ron Thomas on said:

    We need a thread on the music that gets us through some of the more trying moments, as well as what we listen to when we just sit back and run it all through our minds.

  26. :-p

    I may say it but that’s older than all of us.

    “Each one teach one” and “Each one reach one” are mainstays of our community; I’m fairly certain it’s from the Continent.

    Maybe it should be, “Like Mama used to say . . ..”

    🙂

  27. @ C

    Thank you. And welcome. I gave up on whites a long time ago. unfortunately, they are different from us in many ways, spiritually being the most obvious way. I actually feel a little bad for them. Kinda.

    But their lack of spirit is no longer my problem and I’m happier without them.
    Tell me, since you have discontinued your friendships with them, don’t you feel lighter and clearer?

  28. @ Ron:

    Ok sir, I’ll do a post on Saturday on “soul music.”

  29. Hey folks: Remember this?

  30. how do you determine what color you are? i think white people turn a different shade of white when poor … i have no idea what color i am but it apparently is not the chosen one

  31. good luck on opening business btw, this is my third year and worse than start up year

  32. @ Cari

    The poorer they are the ______ they become? ?Maybe? Poor whites are at the end of the “white totem pole.”

  33. Thank you. I’m a little scared but ready.

  34. Mickey on said:

    Brothawolf,

    I’m glad you banned that Allegory. FYI, Eastern Europeans are very racist towards Black & Brown people. One of the reasons why I visit only selected sites that are run by POC is that I feel too many of them allow racists to post whatever the hell they want on their websites. We could not go to anti-Black & anti-Brown sites and post whatever we want, but they can do it to ours. To me, that’s is a slave mentality. “Massa can come in my house but I’se betta be a good colored and not go in his.” I only visit POC-run sites that ban such vile individuals. There are few safe places for us to vent and your site along with truthbetold’s site are one of them.

    Keep the faith, Brotha!

  35. tehnoun on said:

    Right now most of my thought process is dedicated to “In a few days it’ll be my first day as a teacher’s assistant oh god I’m terrified.” I’ve never been this damn nervous about anything before.

    I’m also wondering about whether I should finally take my leave of Ocala or not. My college and my new job are in another (nearby) city, and I’ve long hated Ocala, but I’m worried that moving may be a financial strain both on me and on the people I’m currently pooling rent with. That and I’ll totally miss them, given that the six of us are pretty good friends and all.

    As a sort of last thought, I’ve also admittedly hit a dead end with my writing. It’s frustrating the crap out of me.

  36. @ tehnoun:

    As I told Brothawolf, believe that you can do it and you shall. Writing is a spiritual process. The more in tune you become with yourself, the more your writing will flow out of you.

    I actually purge when I write.

  37. Matari on said:

    “Right now most of my thought process is dedicated to “In a few days it’ll be my first day as a teacher’s assistant oh god I’m terrified.” I’ve never been this damn nervous about anything before. ”

    ****************

    Tehnoun,

    You’ll be alright!
    Most everyone gets the jitters about the first few days of any new job. Soon you’ll hit that 2 week mark. Then the 2 month mark, and the 6th month .. and so forth.. overcoming challenges and hurtles as you progress.

    You’ll meet new people, make new associates and whatnot. Look forward to a fun and bright tomorrow!

    You do fine – or better!
    Be yourself … enjoy the ride (and the kids).

  38. tehnoun on said:

    Aw, thank you. =)

    My concern mostly comes from being only barely older than most of these kids. I’ve only been training for teaching for about a year or so, after all.

  39. Truthbetold,

    I need some of your thoughts on some things I have been thinking about;

    I’ll use you as an example to illustrate. Despite being an “invisible” woman, you are a person full of life, dreams, I assume you have fears, likes, dislikes etc. Fully fledged living breathing human being, not just an invisible shadow in the corner there to serve the needs of others.

    So you put your energy into your life in whatever context it’s in. The whole point is that you want to steer it into a certain direction.(Correct me if this last point is wrong). It might go the way you want in which case you might be happy or it might not in which case you might be sad or angry. The point is that you never stop. I have a question here.. Why don’t you stop? What does it mean to stop? Can you stop?

    My thoughts to compare with yours:

    Why don’t you/or anyone ever stop?

    I believe this has different layer answers. First layer is one that we tell ourselves, I can’t stop because I have responsibilities(e.g. I can’t not be ambitious because I need that job to feed my family or raise my social status) or because to stop is indicative of giving up etc. Second layer I believe is, an individual won’t stop because they can’t.

    What does it mean to Stop?

    It is not to stop the physical movements of your body. You still have to go to work and perform your daily duties and routines. To stop is basically to stop your mind from constantly tagging at you, constantly pushing constantly pulling i.e. constantly trying to guide you through the sea of life. E.G. I am at work, I happen to get into a conversation with my boss. Later on I think, hmm maybe if I get to know him/her better I can improve my chances of getting a promotion or maybe if I carry myself a certain way, this and that will happen etc or, is my work good enough? or am I a good friend?, or Why are things not as good as they can be? etc. You know, that constant tag, like being on a sail boat that is always swaying from left to right depending on which way the wind is blowing. The wind is you i.e. any situation you encounter during your day or your ambitions/hopes/fears etc, the boat is you i.e. your thoughts being affected by the wind and you are you i.e. the person being pulled left and right by there thoughts.

    Can you/or anyone Stop? No.

    So far my conclusion is, life will still happen to you if you try or not i.e. try to control where it takes you or not. Furthermore, it so happens that life doesn’t follow our wishes and thus all that energy spent trying to control where it takes us, is wasted energy.

    What are your thoughts?

  40. @ Wilson

    Hmmmm….interesting.

    First: why don’t I stop?

    Because I cannot. Stopping for me is giving up. I could’ve gave up a long time ago but that’s not what the Spirit wants. The Spirit commands me to continue. The “wind” will take me in many different directions….like:

    1. Losing my job and having to start all over again
    2. A bad relationship and having to move onward and love again
    3. Reclaiming my heritage and “learning” to love it again

    These things are in constant motion. I have NO CONTROL over which way they will turn out. I only have control over how I DEAL WITH THEM.

    Second: Wilson, there is no such thing as wasted energy. The sun is energy. Is that wasted just perched in the sky doing nothing? No. It has a purpose. We are born of the sun as Africans. Are we wasted? No. God gave us purpose. All of us. That’s why we are here.

    Nothing on earth is wasted. Even the crawling ant has a purpose.

    “Life will happen whether or not we do anything”. Ok. I have a question for you. If we do nothing, is that really living life?

    Third: “What does it mean to stop?”
    The Answer: Death.

  41. Interesting reply…

    The energy feels wasted to me because I feel like sometimes one is going up against forces so big that they render us mere mortals, MORTALS.

    I have no problem with the wind turning. As you say things happen and you can’t stop them from happening and you only have control over how you deal with them. What I have a problem with is that I as a person doesn’t have control over the flow of my thoughts in relation to the constant changing winds of life. And sometimes it takes energy to control them(E.G. a series of bad relationships that they start to wear down on your self-esteem so you fight not to lose how you think/feel about yourself) .

    For me personally, I have tried to “STOP” despite how hard that is. At least what I have come to discover is that by stopping, you can disconnect yourself from what is always going on “out” there. That is because you stop your thoughts from turning what is going on out there into a personal thing. It is when it becomes personal that it becomes tiring. This is currently what I feel/think.

    So to answer your question:

    If we do nothing, is that really living life?

    Yes and no depending on how you define living life. For me this is what “nothing” means using an example. You are walking down the road, you witness an accident and lets say you are the only one there capable of helping whoever it is until the medics arrive. So you tend to the injured. Here is the crucial difference, afterwards am not going to analyse what just happened and what it means to me personally i.e. am not going to think my way through the situation. I am just going to feel it. Feel the terror, the anguish and maybe the relief of watching someone make a full recovery afterwards. My feelings might sway depending on the situation but I think it is a grave error to latch onto those feelings with your thoughts and having them analyse dissect interpret reinterpret the moment over and over and over again and maybe morphing it all into having personal meaning.

    For me to STOP means to stop ones thoughts from hijacking moment after moment, to stop my thoughts trying to THINK me through life like you know, thoughts love to ‘worry’ about the future. It’s not that they worry, it’s that, they drive you to waste your emotions on things that are really beyond your control.

    Is this what you classify as Death?

  42. @ Wilson

    “The energy feels wasted to me because I feel like sometimes one is going up against forces so big that they render us mere mortals, MORTALS.”

    This I understand 100%. Why try when we’re gonna lose in the end. I understand…believe me. But what choice do you have? To acquiesce and never know what your abilities are? To never test your strength and faith? Do you remember when God tested Job?

    In a sense, we are like Job. Tested with impeding failure and heartbreak, sickness and mental illness. Homelessness and hunger. What do we do? Curse God and die?
    Or keep the faith and see what tomorrow may bring?

    “For me personally, I have tried to “STOP” despite how hard that is. At least what I have come to discover is that by stopping, you can disconnect yourself from what is always going on “out” there. That is because you stop your thoughts from turning what is going on out there into a personal thing. It is when it becomes personal that it becomes tiring. This is currently what I feel/think.”

    Wilson, disconnecting yourself from the pain won’t stop the pain. It’s still there. But your feelings are anesthetized. And it’s always personal. ALWAYS. We are spiritual beings. We feel everything. Our “feelings” becomes logic. It’s how we learn from mistakes, heal from pain and terror and grow as Africans. Yes, it’s tiring.

    Frankly, I’m exhausted. And have been for many years. Being beaten down, mocked, discredited…takes a toll on your psyche. I had a bout of madness once. The feelings became too much. But without them you are not fully human. And now looking back, I’m glad to have had them.

    What’s bothering you, Wilson?

    Are you contemplating doing something? The Spirit is telling me you are asking these questions because something is lurking in your mind and I have a feeling it’s not good.

  43. Now that it happened to a white woman, everyone is speaking out:

  44. What’s bothering me?

    Honestly, nothing specific. Well hmm come to think of it, the other week work became a bit too much. I got to that point where it was like, this is the absolute limit. I felt so overwhelmed by emotions that I just felt like, WOW. The phrase, “I don’t need this shit” comes to mind. But, you know what happened, I just disconnected from what I was feeling or rather I stopped putting words to what I was feeling. It stopped to be personal. It was either that, or out the door… But out the door to what?

    Are you contemplating doing something?

    Nope. Nothing to do.

  45. @ Wilson

    Ahhhhhh…..work. Yes, yes, yes….I know All about work. Work that robs you of your mind and soul. Work that causes insomnia. Work that makes you think of Omar Thornton. Yes…..work is a bitch!

    I came real close to losing it once and smashing my chair across my boss’ face. I even heard her skull crack open in my mind. I guess I was channeling Set.

    I talk about opening my own business ALL THE TIME!!!!!!

    But dammit, it’s hard to be an entrepreneur. Is it a wonder that so many people are using the system of unemployment? I have nurses who refuse work and just stay home with the kids for fear of prison or insanity.

    What’s your outlet for dealing with this shit?

  46. What’s your outlet for dealing with this shit?

    Well as you say, if you leave work there are consequences. Unless you become self-employed, you’ll probably meet the same situation again so it’s best to learn to deal with it.

    For me, dealing with it is by using it as an instrument for self-exploration and hopefully self-discovery. It’s weird though, how europeans have constructed their businesses, it reduces human relationships to financial interactions. Worth is measured by productivity which I find weird as well. That as a whole human being this is what you’ve been brought down to, this is essentially what defines your worth. Plus you can never satisfy the system, if you are productive, they’ll give you more stuff to do, if you are not, they’ll get all over you back. People are made to be distrustful to each other and see each other in what I can only describe as a non-human way. Then on top of all that, you are meant to smile, be happy and act like all’s fine with the world. Pure madness.

    Also, one of the really annoying things is when you see that different people are measured differently. The hierarchical system is such a b!tch.

    What can you do though? NOTHING!! It’s too big, it’s too powerful for us mere mortals to do anything about it.

  47. Wilson, Europeans conduct ALL relationships in the manner of divide and conquer. Even their “love”( or what they consider to be love) lives which is but a contract.

    Everything must be measured and quantified. They intellectualize everything, even the emotional, even sex. They treat each other as objects of competition and have malice, genuine malice, at the “winner” of the game.

    For whites, Mammon is a necessary part of life. Mammon isn’t evil to them due to the fact that they lack an emotional connection with The Spirit. Ever wonder why most Europeans will curse God? This is why.

    For us, this existence is madness. It’s insane to equate happiness and fulfillment with productivity.It’s craziness to measure a man’s worth by how many products he can sell, patients he can heal and how fat his wallet.

    That’s why for them, it’s so easy to crack up. To bring a weapon on the street or school and kill everyone.

    Our frame of live and existence has NOTHING to do with the measurement of riches. For us, being “rich” has little to do with money.

    The Capitalist society that whites created is but a Beast which can never be satiated. I read once ” The only 2 kinds of people that are truly free are really, really rich or really, really poor to give a damn what people think.”

    How true.

    This system of The Beast is a clever form of Mental Eugenics. Why do I call it that? Because it depresses us to the point of stressfullness that we end up with:

    1. High blood pressure
    2. Heart attack
    3. Diabetes
    4. Panic Attacks
    5. Cancer, yes depression weakens your immune system and can cause certain cancers
    6. Suicide

    All to rid the earth of the Negro.

  48. Thanks for the perspective Truthbetold.

  49. @ Wilson

    Anytime. That’s why we’re here. For each other.

  50. mary burrell on said:

    A black woman in Los Angeles died from 5 policemen using violence subdueing her kicking her in the genitals. Will anybody care about that?

  51. Miss Mary

    No.

    Black life means nothing.

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