Observations of an Invisible Woman

Why So Few Black Women Marry White Men

*deep breath*

This will be a hard post, so being the woman that I am, I’m going to dive in with both feet.

Why are so few black women marrying white men? Is it because black women find white men unattractive? No. I don’t think so. In fact, to be brutally honest, I find this man sexy as hell:

But…as sexy as Mr. Bale is, if he was available and wanted me and was a “regular guy”, I would never marry him. Why? Fear. Simple fear.

But Truthbetold, what fear are you talking about?”

My Supposition:

1. In every black woman, whether or not she admits it or is AWARE of it, lies a deep seated fear that one day, the white man that she marries, the father of her children, the man that she built her life with, the man that celebrated her birthday, job promotion and summer home purchase, the man that held her close when she cried, the man that made sweet passionate love to her, will suddenly one day, during a heated fight, which all couples have, open his mouth and call her a nigger. And it will destroy her.

2. Black women, being the subject of the master’s rape fetish, will equate intimacy with a white man to the master’s subjugation.

3. They are not attracted to them emotionally or spiritually.

4. They fear repercussions of the supremacist system.

5. They fear repercussions and ridicule of the white man’s family and friends and their family and friends.

6. They feel they cannot “compete” with white women.

7. They genuinely love their black man and can’t see themselves with a white man.

8. They feel white men are “emotionally empty.”

9. They think white men will not desire them as “wife” material.

10. They are simply not interested.


This post hurt. A lot. It was hard to write and the comments will be brutal but…in my goal to understand and conquer white supremacy, I will never stop exploring the sickness of it.

Any thoughts?

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179 thoughts on “Why So Few Black Women Marry White Men

  1. Do you really believe some Black women feel that can’t compete with white women? I’ve never in my life heard a Black women say anything like this. Ever. The majority of the Black women I know are filled to the brim with self love and confidence.

    Another great post on a touchy subject. Number 1 on the list is RIGHT on point!!!!

  2. My Good Dr. :

    No I don’t believe that at all but being who I am, and being brutally honest, I must explore ALL aspects. Otherwise my entire blog is a boldface lie.

    This post will be one of the toughest. And the comments will be harsh but in un-learning the brainwashing that has been done to us, it needed exploration.

  3. Mickey on said:

    I have read that many Black women are open to marrying White men. When I was in college, a lot of my Black girlfriends said that although their top preference was a Black man, they would not rule out White men as marriage partners. The first point, I believe, is the main one. I have read that many Black women have that same fear. There is a White male author (whose name I cannot remember) who writes books on interracial relationships and he encourages these between Black women and White men. He referes to it as the “Creep Up Factor” – the racism will “creep out” and reveal itself, which is what many Black women fear.

    And I agree with Dr. Reine. I have never heard of Black women looking at White women as heavy competition since they have so much self-love.

  4. ynotme on said:


    Black women (not just the skin color type) are very intuitive, their intuition is only steering them in the right direction. They can sense the desperate need and urgency to preserve the black race.

  5. Marrying white is a downgrade in the fight against white supremacy. You cannot fight the very thing that you lay down with.

  6. It’s also because they know that somehow, it won’t last or work out well for them in the end.
    Look at ALL of Whoopie Goldberg’s partners.

  7. Most women rarely marry out of their in-group, with the exception of American born Asian women who disproportionately do so and with white men…but their sisters back home, (i.e. Korean, Japanese, Chinese) do not marry out usually b/c Asian masculinity is all they need.

    Anyway, for the most part black women are more likely to marry the men that are like the men that raised them, married their mothers and provided for them in their early years. I also don’t think that too many black women have warmed up to the idea of having a baby who could possibly look white.

  8. Let’s not forget Halle Berry’s relationship woes with Gabriel Aubry.

  9. Tyrone on said:

    Dr. Reine

    Blackwomen inferior to whitewomen…Hell No! This myth has been pushed upon blackwomen by whitemen to screw with the psyche of blackwomen. Yes, all women are beautiful in their own way, but, no one on this planet can tell me that the black female is not a “Human Masterpiece” in every way. Some blackwomen believe that nonsense because they’ve been betrayed by their black boyfriends, husbands, fathers, etc. The blackman who leaves his reflection for a whitewoman, the black male athlete who dated sistas his whole life, goes away to college and turns into a whiteman, and so forth. This issue is about self-hating blackmen breaking a blackwoman’s spirit. In the company of sincere blackmen, a sista can be the “Queen Bee” that God created her to be and more.


  10. With all due respect, Yuck.

    I know of an interracialist divorcee. She married young. The man was emotionally destitute. He was from an Eastern European country and she ‘fell in love with him.’ He then moved into her parent’s house for three to five years rent free (even when she was away for college) and got his ability to stay in the country. They had no kids. A year after the divorce, she saw him at a social function, and he disregarded her whole presence. This was following roughly nine years of marriage. My inaccuracies are due to not keeping tabs.

    On the subject, it reminds me of what Abagond wrote, though from a female perspective. It’s awkward that Abagond wrote it from the White male perspective, i.e. giving the agency to the men. Interesting and thanks. 🙂

    I find these questions removed. Who said that Black women don’t marry White men? But I think that it’s worth exploring what really makes White people attractive: White Culture and Mis-Education.

    A highly mis-educated Black woman immersed in White Culture would more likely hold White people as attractive compared against an under-mis-educated Black woman immersed in so-called Black Culture. The same can be said of Black men.

    When I was at an art gallery, a French College Professor engaged my friend and I over the subject. She then cited some Feminist Scholar’s research on Black women. But these women don’t represent the bulk of Black women and it’s not fitting to pretend that their life experiences translate into the whole race’s.

    I think that largely the ‘few’ Black women relates to three categories: Thinking, White Culture, and Mis-Education.

    The more one thinks, the less likely one would marry a White person.

    The more one is immersed in White Culture, the more likely one would marry a White person.

    The more one is mis-educated, the more likely one would marry a White person.

    To compare against Black men, Black women are supposedly more ‘mis-educated’ due their higher education. Though this is supposed. And this is recent, hence the resurgence of White marriages. The Black woman is less likely in White Culture, as is the nature/nurture of women to be less ‘nomadic’ than men. And in terms of thinking, it’s rare amongst both sexes (and getting rarer as we disobey our elders), but when it comes, it keeps Black marriage as all important.

    In my view, the topic of Black women (or men) marrying few White men (or women) is mis-leading. If we don’t act, we’ll be bleached out. Because so-called “Black culture” is made by Whites who promote Whites over Blacks.

    I.e. There’s little culture in America promoting Blacks over Whites, there’s little education in America promoting Blacks over Whites, and we’re casting away our Elders, not thinking that well. We’re in trouble.

  11. Tyrone on said:


    This is the real real. Whitemen have never stopped chasing after blackwomen, and never will. Being a blackman, i interact with whitemen, i see the lust in their eyes when staring at sistas. Whitemen assume that we don’t notice what’s going on, Not So! Speaking for myself, i’ve never believed that whitemen really loved whitewomen as much as they claim. If you look around the world at whitewomen, i don’t see a lot of blonde, blue-eyed, fair-skinned women. Their hair is too dark, eyes are too brown, and so forth. Noticing this, it tells me that a lot of african women were raped on this planet by white males. What changed? Slavery is over…Colonialism is over…Blackmen are not in chains anymore. White males had full access to blackwomen, and we as blackmen couldn’t do anything to stop it. As far as the current generation of sistas being with whitemen, it’s not a positive outcome from a black male perspective. Real Talk! Blackwomen have the right to sleep with whomever they please, date, marry, the whole nine. No matter how brothas may feel about it, we have no power to stop it. Not that long ago, i was a member of a BWE(Black Woman Empowerment) blog. I was one of a handful of brothas who were members. The site was created for blackwomen who have grown tired of black male bs. The blog talked about all segments of black culture, but, it’s main focus was inter-racial relations between blackwomen and non-black men, mainly whitemen…american, european, spanish, arab, etc. I never hid my true feelings from the sistas and vice-versa. Knowing what i know about brothas right now, sistas have every right to be upset with us. But, the whitemen who were also members came at me in an aggressive way. They wrongly assumed that i would be a soft blackman and bow to them…Never! But, over the course of time, i realized that i was fooling myself. Pretending to be okay with this dynamic, knowing that i’m not. Sistas may be able to forgive and forget, but, rape is forever in the minds of the men who had to witness their women being violated by another race of men. Whitemen may say that it’s over, it’s never gonna be over. Blackmen should be enraged at what took place, because, it should not have happened anyway. I’m not gonna be bullied by blackwomen into supporting them jumping into the arms of other men. Blackmen are no different than any other race of men, We’re Selfish!


  12. Tyrone on said:


    Blackwomen can’t continue to enslave blackmen in this country, just to make them undesirable to non-black women. Ty is a conservative blackman, have been most of my life. I’ve never understood why so many sistas hated blackmen like me who see the world differently? Last time i checked, Ty is still a blackman, still loves blackwomen, god-fearing, and so forth. All the ish that goes on in our race, and we’re the most hated, never made sense to me. In hindsight, a lot of sistas would rather have a bunch of effed up men not desirable to no woman. Some Clarence Thomas ish. Note to sistas, sellout blackmen come in all stripes…liberal, conservative, american, british, spanish, educated, uneducated, tall, short, etc. Cutting themselves off from a pool of educated, gainfully employed, law-abiding black males is racial suicide.


  13. mary burrell on said:

    Christian Bale is sexy but he’s a crazy a****hole. Me personally I feel the first time he got angry with me the first word to come out of his mouth would be n*****. Then we would both be on the six and eleven o’clock news. I have a very good white friend who sometimes let’s that word slip out of his mouth. I have to put his ass in check. He apologizes profusely although he is not calling me a n*****. But we might be driving somewhere in traffic and he will get angry at someother motorist that happens to be African American. That N word is somehow ingrained in their psyches. For me personally I just love the black man. I can’t speak for any other women.

  14. Tyrone on said:


    In a nutshell, the less educated and informed a black person is about black history and culture, the greater the odds of them selling out…Yes? In many ways, that’s a true statement. Most of us would assume that black folk from “The Hood” are more pro-black than those in the burbs. However, that notion is misleading. Urban black males are more prone to whitewashing than their suburban counterparts, because they’re less educated. Hood brothas are not as pro-black as they seem. The same group of black males have no problem kissing the behinds of other men, think other men really care about them when they don’t, think it okay for other men to interact with blackwomen. “The Code” is not respected as it was in the past. This is where hip-hop culture is killing us as a race…blackmen have turned into lapdogs for whitemen and others. We have a “Zombie Generation” of black youth that are going backwards, as it relates to the upliftment of our race. It’s effed up that blackwomen even have to ponder allowing whitemen to touch them, because blackmen have been castrated to such a degree. Being with a whiteman should be a choice for blackwomen, not a last resort.


  15. @ Miss Mary:

    Yea…he’s loony tunes but damn good looking.

  16. mary burrell on said:

    On another note, If the white man is not educated about black culture it would be difficult for me personally to even consider dating one. I know this is probably wrong and ugly but they have a different odor to me. Hey make mine tall dark and chocolate or brown or butterscotch. I love my black man.

  17. kunta Kinte’s Dad described it as a “wet chicken.” Is that the odor in which you bespeak?

  18. mary burrell on said:

    I always felt bad for Whoopie Goldberg because brothers were always puting her down saying how unattractive they thought she was. black people just had a hard time accepting her appearance. I had a hard time when she and Ted Danson did that stupid black face thing. Halle Berry is just crazy and confused to me. She is very beautiful but something is not quite right with that sister. Maybe because she was abused by the brothers she was with.

  19. Tyrone on said:


    Chocolate Is Sweeter…Always! Blackwomen are so beautiful, they’re edible. Speaking for myself, i love chocolate melons. If i say more, it’s xxx territory. This is a respectable blog, right Negress?


  20. mary burrell on said:

    @Tyrone Thanks for loving us Nubian Goddeses.

  21. mary burrell on said:

    Sister Truth, Yes I remember reading Roots and that is where that came from. I forgot it was so long ago when Iread the paperback.

  22. Mickey on said:

    When I was in high school, I was one of only 4 girls of color on my high school’s cheerleader team (which is odd considering that the school was very racially diverse and the Black/White ratio was about 50/50). There was a Black girl on our team who was almost as dark as the sista in the photograph above. I would always see her walking with this White guy and I noticed the camaraderie between the two and I would ask her privately if they were an item. She denied it. At first I believed her, but after seeing the two interact they way they did I knew she was lying. So, finally I asked her again and she confirmed that they were indeed a couple.

    Some time later, she and her boyfriend were walking hand in hand when they passed a group of Black guys. The brothas got quiet when they saw them pass and one of them yelled to her, “Quit holding his hand!” They just rolled their eyes and went on about their business. I stood their looking at them like they were crazy because they had not shown an iota of interest in her until they saw her with a White boy. I think perhaps the same thing happened with Whoopi Goldberg. Brothas showed zero interest in her so she went elsewhere.

  23. Oh yes….quite respectable, Ty.

  24. Whoopi Goldberg isn’t conventionally goodlooking but her charm makes her very attractive. she is also super smart and quick witted.

    Same with alfre Woodard. She married white for what I suspect are the same reasons.

  25. I don’t buy this whole thing of black men not finding certain types of black women attractive so therefore their only choice is a white guy.

    I think what some black women should just do is admit that they are not romantically interested in black men and call it a day.

    This is the problem with the online/television IRR crowd; they constantly project their insecurities on unassuming black men and women who are not even thinking about dating/marrying out. Don’t believe me? Check out all the trolling going on over at Abagond’s post on BWE losers.

  26. @ Phoebes…

    I will explore that too in the future. A series I will call “Black vs. Black”

  27. Halle Berry is a terrible example as she seems to have “issues” with ALL men.

  28. I wonder if she was sexually abused/ raped? She has all the signs…

  29. I think you’re on to something with that comment.

  30. phoebeprunelle on said:


    Black women do not control black men or their lives. I do not understand where the thinking comes from that the reason why black men can’t date out is because black women won’t let them?

    Sure some black women may complain when they see black men with non black women, but that is hardly controlling them.

    People need to stop making crazy excuses. I would rather a black man choose me out of genuine interest, love and respect instead of some illusion of being loyal to me.

  31. I should slightly correct something I said earlier. Every biracial (black/white) woman I’ve ever met that had white Mama’s, had self-esteem issues, EVERY SINGLE ONE!!! I recall one in particular in a class was a TA for in undergrad, she had deep rooted self-esteem issues despite being very attractive and smart. I suspect her white Mama (who was blonde/blue eyed) made this woman feel inferior.

    I’m certain she married a white man so she could produce children that looked the way she wished she looked.

    Yeah, I think biracial Black women are a special exception to the confidence most Black women have, and I think there’s a caveat with them too. If they’re biracial and check the Black box only, they seem to think better of themselves.

  32. phoebeprunelle on said:

    It could also be that subconsciously some of these white women raising children that they have with black men are competing with black women.

    If the ww has a daughter, the girl is undoubtly black in this society, so therefore her white mother is going to project her disdain of black women on the same black daughter she gave birth to.

    Look folks, IR is fine; but if your white spouse is not willing to confront their own racism and help you as a black person dismantle “whiteness” just say NO.

  33. Great point, phoebeprunelle!

  34. (I know it’s slightly off-topic, but…)
    Tragicmulattoes’ blog had a theory about white mothers of biracial kids…

    White women were now emerging as the mothers of non-White children. Although gains were made during the post civil rights era, Blacks were still systemically and institutionally discriminated against-from employment to education. Yes, this institutionalized racism included the mistreatment of Black children in desegregated schools. Outraged by society’s treatment of their children (not all non-white children), White women sought to secure a social and political space for their children in which they knew their children could not be White, but would not have to be Black.


    I did like this blog. Too bad it has not been updated for ages.

  35. phoebeprunelle on said:

    No Dahoman, i think this is very relevant as these same white women who claim they love and can’t enough of black men seem to acquire cognitive dissonance of this same blackness when they give birth to a black child.

  36. That was a good blog.

  37. hi, i just discovered your blog on google and i must say this blog is great.http://www.bevkitchen.com

  38. wilson on said:

    Is it that black women are not marrying white men or is it that white men are not marrying black women?

  39. wilson on said:

    2 people get married. A white man and a black woman.

    Is the white man meant to ignore that the woman he is marrying is black?

    To me, the first statement reads like, “If at any point the white man brings the fact that his wife is black during a moment of anger, it will destroy her.”

    2 Possible reasons:

    — She doesn’t want to be reminded she is black by her white husband.

    — She is annoyed she married a racist without knowing it. In which case, scenario 1 will lead to the conclusion that she married someone she really didn’t know that well and thus lives in constant fear that underneath that white skin lies a raving racist.

  40. wilson on said:

    Another way to think of it..

    Are white men proposing to black women and are black women saying NO?

  41. @ Wilson

    what I meant by the first example is, he’ll use her race as a weapon against her and it will prove her wrong about the man she thought she knew.

  42. I mean i dunno Truth, he knew she was black when he was pursuing her so obviously if her color was a huge issue he would have clearly stuck with ww.

    I think if he is in fact racist–it will manifest in other ways–not necessarily at his black wife’s expense.

  43. Phoebe:

    Good comment.

  44. phoebeprunelle on said:


    I think the most a black wife would have to worry about with her white husband is his insensitivity to race relations and perhaps his loyalty to his family and friends who may not know much about how to relate to a black in-law.

    Blatant racism from her white spouse means that they are two lunes.

  45. @ Phoebes:

    An insensitivity to race relations is an undercover mask for condoning it.

  46. phoebeprunelle on said:

    I think it is in some cases, but in others–like what we are discussing here–it may be due to a black woman’s white husband not having very much experience with other blacks outside his wife.

    You remember that sista that called in to Dr. Laura and got called the n word? Her husband did not necessarily dislike blacks he just had not taken the time to get to know about black people.

    I think what happens is these white men are going on about their white lives, then they meet a black woman who floats their boat and can’t find a justifiable reason not to be with her. they are trying to be “progressive” but have not really seriously dealt with white racism. Believe it or not, the “progressive” white types are very oblivious to their own racism and that of their friends and families. So he won’t think he is being insensitive.

  47. “Are white men proposing to black women and are black women saying NO?”

    I think you may be missing something here. Black women generally speaking, aren’t dating White men and for most women, dating is a prequisite to marriage. So your question is kinda moot.

    And please don’t get it twisted about sista’s by believeing those crap stats in the media, marriage has never been an issue for the majority of Black women. The reason some Black women aren’t married is by choice, NOT lack of opportunity.

  48. ynotme on said:

    @ Dr. Reine

    Doc, you said it better than I ever could…

    Thank you!

  49. The black marriage “crisis” only exists online in threads moderated by black sociopaths.

  50. Fiamma on said:

    You’re right about that…some BW are getting together with Wm who have no experience whatsoever Black people: They meet a BW they can’t just walk away from and they marry her. The problems come in when, though they’ve married the BW, everything else goes along as it normally would in their lives — including the use of the N-word amongst themselves and their friends.

    I have to say, though, it’s no worse than having BM to consider you, as a BW, to belong on the bottom of the ocean with whale sh!t based solely on HIS failed relationship issues with other BW. In light of all of this, where is it that heterosexual BW supposed to turn? It seems that in many respects single BW are on their own. My advice is for a BW to go for the best match she can make regardless of ethnicity/race.. Life is too short to worry about BM who extrapolate ALL BW to be hoochies based on his own poor choices in girlfriends/wives chosen solely for their butt size alone..

  51. Also, I have known a few white men who have a fear of their black girlfriends ultimately dissolving their relationship in favor of a black man.

    To be quite honest; i think this is something white people with black mates should be concerned with or maybe entertain its possibility.

  52. #1 is spot on. #6 i completely disagree with.

    Overall a very good post. I salute you for writing it.


  53. Thank you. Feel free to chime in.

  54. A lot of these white men married to black women have a problem with black men. I have seen this up close and personal(no it ain’t me), on numerous occasions. That is one sign that they harbour racist thoughts. Racist thought will seep out gradually be it the way his family treats the women or via friends. Whether or not the white man realizes this is another matter. I suspect many are willfully ignorant and ‘colour blind’, the ones who are cognizant and honest about their racism will discuss it with their black wife and try to combat it. These men are probably few and far between, I could be wrong.

  55. the ones who are cognizant and honest about their racism will discuss it with their black wife and try to combat it. These men are probably few and far between, I could be wrong.

    I have seen this too and i do think with white people involved in romantic relationships with black people in general there is a certain amount of disdain for the opposite sex of their black partner. I have seen it offline too many times to not believe it.

    Then again it makes sense if black women married to white men harbor some irrational disdain for black men, then her white husband probably does as well–or else how would they get along and so forth, and vice versa. Opposites don’t always attract. Like mindedness does.

  56. Kushite Prince on said:

    Listen to this clown Pastor Manning. This man is a buck dancing coon if I ever saw one.lol A true sellout in my opinion.

  57. Is this man a comedian? He sure sounds like one.

  58. Self hate in motion.

  59. I think u all need to b-careful. If in the past five years i have read consistantly that black women the overwhelming last pick for white men; so DOAN why are we having this conversation again? It should be a non issues 🙂

  60. phoebeprunelle on said:

    I meant black women are the overwhelmingly last pick for white men.

  61. @ Phoebes:

    I agree…Many issues should be a non issues but this world doesn’t function like that, you know? Next week, I’ll begin my Black vs Black series…I think you’ll like that, girlfriend. It will be tough as nails but necessary.

  62. Mickey on said:

    I recall seeing a video on Youtube where a Black guy talked about hearing a lot of Black women that he knew saying that they were going to start dating White men because of the issues they were having with Black men. His beliefs were that the average White man does not date the average Black woman and that the only Black women White men consider dating/marrying are those that are:

    1. Skinny (because he believes that most Black women are overweight)

    2. Act White

    3. Natural (not sure what that means.)

    A White woman gave her counterargument stating that it does not matter what color a woman is if two people love each other and the woman has a lot going for her, regardless of color. She even went on the mention that her uncle was married to a Black woman. For the most part, I agree with the woman, although there is some truth to what the Black man said. Sometimes this issue is very complicated.

  63. phoebeprunelle on said:

    @Mickey and DOAN:

    Why are black men and women–specifically online/television–so concerned about whether or not whites want to marry us?????

    I don’t think i understand the logic…

  64. @ Phoebes:

    The Willie Lynch Syndrome is a bitch. There is your logic! LOL!

  65. Mickey on said:

    Well, for one, no one wants to be at the bottom. Black is viewed as negative in the Western world, so I believe it is a question of, “Why does everybody hate us?” that many Blacks have in their minds.

    And personally, I never understood the logic that some Whites had regarding IR marriage. Whites have been intermixing with Blacks since slavery in America. So, for me, I never understood some of the selective racism that Whites had. (i.e., I’d date/marry X & Y, but not Z.) regarding IR. A Black male friend of mine broke it down for me. He said, “In America, Black is viewed as the worst race to be a member of. Therefore, the worst race to mix wth.” That totally answered my question.

  66. Mickey and Phoebes:

    Power plays a lot into the mix. When we were slaves, the master had no problem sleeping with us.

    Now that slavery is over (physical), he doesn’t think we good enough. The white mind is sick. Plain and simple. That’s why I write about them from a purely pathological point of view.

    They have no redeeming qualities. They are sick. But so are we…we’ve been infected by white DNA so their hatred of us becomes our self-hatred. Very parent/child-ish.

  67. But how do you get black people to see that in general, whites are not flocking to marry and have children with both black men and black women; yet somehow, some black men are believing they fair better at the IRR “game”. White women are the least likely of women to marry out and when they do, it is overwhelming to other white Hispanics (which is clearly not marrying out) and Asian men….

    I really do not care if white men prefer not to marry black women and i am not interested in making any black person feel unworthy with statistics and “trends”…black men and women are fine

    I do predict–maybe we won’t see it in our lifetimes–that one day, once all these black people have married all the whites they are going to marry, discover that they lie like everyone else, smell when they use the bathroom, wake up with dragon breath, have more wrinkles and crowfeet than Mount Rushmore before they turn 50, are not immune to infidelity–then black people en masse will have a greater appreciation for other black people….

    In the meantime-endure Abagond’s BWE post.

  68. @Phoebes

    I think blacks are fully aware of this fact. To answer your question….I honestly don’t know. We are a conquered race. Self hate and the desire to be loved by our masters runs very deep.

    Focus on yourself, your betterment and the betterment of the family and leave the rest to Jah. One day their eyes will be opened. Remember terrence Howard?

    He thought he was on cloud nine with his white wife. She called him a nigger, took his money and divorced him. He woke up. Others will too.

  69. Mickey on said:

    Regarding Terrence Howard’s wife, I believe she is mixed Asian & White. But she is an example of a POC who sees herself as higher on the racial hierarchy than a Black or part Black person. That just goes to show you how racist America is. And what is fucked up about it all is that other POCs do not realize how much African-descended people sacrificed so that ALL POCs can have freedom, including them. Ungrateful fucks. But I do not entirely blame them as when White supremecy operates, it changes the rules. At first, all POCs were looked down upon equally. Now there is a sliding scale.

  70. ynotme on said:

    That just goes to show you how racist America is. And what is fucked up about it all is that other POCs do not realize how much African-descended people sacrificed so that ALL POCs can have freedom, including them. Ungrateful fucks. But I do not entirely blame them as when White supremecy operates, it changes the rules. At first, all POCs were looked down upon equally. Now there is a sliding scale.

    Amen Sister!

  71. Kushite Prince on said:

    I wish he were.

  72. Kushite Prince on said:

    So true sis. So very true.

  73. ALCHEMIST on said:

    This recent article written by a white man married to a black women might offer some insight


  74. @ Alchemist:

    I’m not surprised that whites have little to no feelings regarding black life. They feel very little as far as we’re concerned.

  75. Tyrone on said:


    Halle made bad choices in the men she associated with. Eric Benet and David Justice effed it up for good blackmen on this planet. Halle gave us a chance, those blackmen failed her. Any sista that is verbally and physically abused by a blackman, it’s hard for us as blackmen to complain because one of us betrayed the bond that we’re supposed to have with blackwomen. These sistas, we shouldn’t give them a hard time. It’s the Ike and Tina Turner Dilemma. If a blackman stabs a sista in the back, all bets are off. Would i prefer Tina and Halle be with good blackmen, of course. At the same time, we have to live in the real world. Fists and kicks to the face and body hurt brothas, how would you feel? Again, the greatest enemy of black folk are “Black Devils.” Fraud blackmen who hate themselves, blackwomen, black children, black culture, etc. Other men can’t whoop us. I keep it simple…I ask brothas 2 simple questions? Do you fear God, and, do you love “The Blackwoman?” All of the other ish is minor to me, but, if a blackman can’t answer those 2 questions, i need not waste my time with him and other like-minded males.

    Loving Blackwomen Is The Norm…No Exceptions

  76. phoebeprunelle on said:


    I finally found the answer!

    Black men drop black women as soon as they reach a certain level of success, don’t they? While plenty of rap stars, athletes and musicians may choose to date or marry interracially when they achieve fame, the same is not true for the bulk of successful black men. By analyzing census data Toldson and Marks found that 83 percent of married black men who earned at least $100,000 annually got hitched to black women. The same is the case for educated black men of all incomes. Eighty-five percent of black male college graduates married black women. Generally, 88 percent of married black men (no matter their income or educational background) have black wives. This means that interracial marriage should not be held responsible for the singleness of black women.

    Well at least this explains why so few black women marry white men…b/c we are too busy marrying black guys.

    How could i have been so stoopid? *slaps forehead* Lol

  77. Yeah!!!!
    *waves arms in the air*


  78. in terms of what exactly? black women fufill a racist sexual fantasy for white men, I believe we are the first sexual pick always for them because they see us as these exotic fierce sexual beasts… but thats just me.

  79. in terms of what exactly? black women fufill a racist sexual fantasy for white men, I believe we are the first sexual pick always for them because they see us as these exotic fierce sexual beasts… but thats just me.

    You’d really have to ask those who are experts at this; i’m just repeating what i have heard…i think they mean marriage. Now Black women are less likely than black men to marry out; but i think this is more about black women not being interested than anything else. In the earlier parts of the 20th century, the majority of black/white marriages were between bw/wm, but that shifted–i think b/c of more proximity that black men started to have in regards to ww.

    Also white men and women have a tendency to hypersexualize all people of color…it’s very interesting, when ww like Darva Conyer posed for Playboy–it was seen as a woman liberating herself, but when black women pose for Black Tail we are seen as lustful and horny…kinda makes ya wonder.

  80. Mickey on said:

    You are right. The shift of IR between blacks and whites became more bm/ww after the civil rights era. Prior to that, most IR marriages were between bw/wm. And what is ironic is that it was the bw/wm coupling that made it legal in the states where it was previously illegal (Loving Vs. State of Virginia.)

  81. @ Mickey:

    You know what that makes me wonder? Did black men secretly vie to marry white women from the get go? After the civil rights era, the number of BM/WW couples exploded…

    Just a thought.

  82. moorbey on said:

    Blacktastic post Sis.

  83. Did black men secretly vie to marry white women from the get go?

    No, it is no secret that there have always been a minority of black men who wanted to have the “right” to be with ww much like wm had the “right” to be with any woman because of a perceived sense of social power. If there seemed to be an explosion of black men marrying white women after the Civil Rights movement it was because this is what those few wanted all along.

  84. Phoebes:

    Good explanation.

  85. Also now, can’t remember where i last read it but ABC news reported that IR marriage for black people has leveled off….the reverse of black/black marriage is slowly rising…i think there is a multitude of reasons why.

    Yet the studies about IR marriage for blacks is misleading…the though is that it is on the rise. This is not quite accurate; IR marriage is on the rise for people who already had high IR rates to begin with (Asian American women and identifying white Hispanic men and women)…black men get thrown in the mix “misleadingly” because their rates are higher than bw but this does not mean in general it is high.

    People take those numbers and make them something that they are not. I would also like to add that it is not easy for wm to pull bw–i see this at the middle school where i am student teaching; the white boys are all over the black girls and they (black girls) ignore the hell outta them. I mean “fine” little sistas want nothing to do with white guya their age! Right now it just seems that the reason why few black women marry white men is because in general we don’t dig them.

  86. Phoebe, there are; ‘Statistics, damned statistics and lies'(paraphrase). You can twist statistics to ‘prove’ or ‘illustrate anything’!

  87. Christine on said:

    “during a heated fight, which all couples have, open his mouth and call her a nigger. And it will destroy her.” – and that is exactly what happened to me, i fell so in love with this guy and he destroyed me, i will never ever date outside my race again

  88. I use to be the girl who always dated outside my race. I can’t even say that I found it to be better. Honestly, I was just too afraid to fall in love with a black man for fear of being hurt. After all, my estranged father is black. So I avoided them and went to be with men of other races. I settled when dating outside my race. These guys weren’t cute, smart, or rich, but since they weren’t black they were acceptable. Well 2 years ago I met my s/o and it was so different. I looked into his eyes and saw a part of me. Not to sound cliché bit it was like we knew each others struggle before we had ever even spoken and about it. There was no explanation for why I am the way I am, because he had a mother and sister the same way. I feel true acceptance and love on a deeper level. And I might add that he is handsome and intelligent. And I believe the time will come when we marry and have children. But Its a shame that you never hear people tell two black people that they will make beautiful babies. Aren’t we living proof?

  89. Miss Anne

    Beautiful story. I know just what you mean about a connection on a deeper level.

    Much happiness in the future.

  90. Black ladies, you best look at some simple math. There are many, many times more white women than black males. That means if every black male was with a white gal, there would still be mass numbers of white women to compete with you. Many white women now earn as much or more than the men, so they don’t fear dating men of any income level. There is very little stopping them, and what is, is dying faster than the postal system. You better start working out, drop the loud and bawdy attitudes you have, and open your mind to looking at someone’s heart and intentions, instead of their skin color. If not, you better get used to dating promiscuous black males, or no dates at all. As far as being called the n word, do you really think a white man who shares his life with you, introduces you to everyone he knows and loves, would even have the capacity to get racial on you? Any white guy who is willing to COMMIT to you has overcome prejudice and stereotyping, and finds you incredibly attractive!

  91. Matari on said:

    Wow. So many epic fails here, but I’ll just deal with a couple.

    “and open your mind to looking at someone’s heart and intentions, instead of their skin color. If not, you better get used to dating promiscuous black males, or no dates at all. ”

    Oh? Looking at their skin color?? Like you just did regarding, “promiscuous *black* males??”


    “Any white guy who is willing to COMMIT to you has overcome prejudice and stereotyping, and finds you incredibly attractive!”


    Apparently, “any white guy” … who “has overcome prejudice and stereotyping” ain’t you!

  92. Pookie on said:

    As a black woman I would not want to marry a white male, because I am not attracted to them and if I wad, I would be concerned in preserving my black lineage. I am not a racist, I love all people. Our family ancestry was so lost n slavery, I couldn’t live with myself knowing I jeopardize it even more.

  93. Victoria Peoples on said:

    I found this post after doing a search on black women dating white men. I am staunchly pro-black. I’ve been like this since I was a kid in the sandbox, literally. So at 27 when Im finding myself single and getting out there again I’m so sad by the dating prospects. I’ve got white men coming out the woodworks trying to date me. And I’m so reluctant because I’ve identified with my blackness for so long, its puzzling to me to even entertain the idea of being with a white man. I’m genuinely confused about what to do.

    Theres a few guys who seem cool and our personalities mesh but its messing with my head. I’ve always seen myself as a black woman who would marry a black man and have some beautiful black kids. I have even had issues dating light skin men because I love me a black man. But in the past year of dating I have been treated like dirt by my “black brothers” and I’ve tried to keep hope alive. I still love black men – even if they dont show me the same love back. Now I’m starting to think, am I stupid to keep holding out for this black love fantasy? Even if its something I’ve wanted my entire life and now that I’m touching 30 it doesn’t look feasible?

    I’m conflicted 😦

  94. kyle Blomquist on said:

    If I was your counselor I would say that you should be open to dating whoever your values line up with, and whoever you “mesh” the best with as you say. After all the goal is love, is it not.

    But as a white guy, I would say if you value being black more than you value being a unique individual, do everyone – including yourself a favor, and stick with black men. You’re wouldn’t be doing yourself, or your partner any favors. If you’re gonna date a white guy, especially in this country, you need to be more human oriented, than black oriented.

    And in response to this general article, on the other side of it, I think there is fear, on both sides, that after investing so much into someone, that the race issue will come out, and destroy the time and energy put into the relationship.

    And its known many blacks carry baggage from racism and white privelege, and although it is through no fault of their own, stuff like that would be nearly impossible to surmount in a relationship, and would ward off someone who was thinking about making a deep investment into someone.

    I would marry Tyra Banks tomorrow, cherish her, and would never be so cruel as to ever bring race into an argument. I think I could be open to marrying someone like that because after watching her show at work a few years ago, I saw a fierce woman who truly doesn’t have deep seated issues over the race issue, and is someone I respect, and whose opinion I value. She would also be a good role model to my kids. The woman is righteous!

    I think if you find love with someone, and it’s really amazing society be damned, marry that white boy!

  95. Victoria Peoples on said:

    Thanks Kyle! That was a great response. Straight to the point and honest. Being black is just one aspect of my being and no matter, I will always be black. I actually gave one of the guys a chance and we’re going out tonight (the 3rd date in a weeks time)! I feel totally comfortable with him, am wildly attracted to him and honestly after 15 minutes of talking to him I didn’t care what color he was. I have a good time with him and I’m glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and took a chance.

    Happy Valentines Day!!

  96. Whoopie can have a black man if, she wanted one. Her man with her children was black. There are black men out there who love all kinds of sistas.

  97. number 3 & 10 are the way i feel.im 18 so i have plenty of time to find mr right.I do notice ppl want to say bw should expand our horizions and then push the white man as the solution.I do think we should expand our horizions but that should include black,asian,and latino not just white.Its like they assume we can’t get men outside the U.S. so they say get a white man.I’ve never been attracted to white men so thats out for me but i am attracted to black,latino and asian men.I wouldn’t mind seeing a man outside america as well like brazil,panama,etc. I do consider myself pro black and want to see more black ppl wake up,i myself have some more waking up to do.

  98. This is why the Jewish media is promoting a role reversal between white men and black men now. White men are being portrayed as manly heroes with their scruffy goattees (minus the metro feminine Beiber types) while black men are being cast as gay, feminine, nerdy like the Cleveland Show, Erkel from Family Matters, men dressing up in drag like Martin and Tyler Perry. It is happening right in front of our eyes. Actually it has already happened. Now the black woman has to play the role of the man. It’s modern day Willie Lynch since young people today don’t know anything about that they had to do it a different way. Jews know how to control blacks. It’s not just divide and conquer. They are masters of gender role reversal.

    I see lots of black women going for white men but it’s not because they really like them. They just want their money. A black woman can never truly love any other race than her own. Neither can a black man. The difference is that most men can have meaningless sex with a woman they don’t love. Most women can’t do that even though they say they can. I don’t buy it. Women catch feelings when they have orgasms. They deny it because they want to be more like men because feminism taught them to deny their own instincts. Jews started that too and piggybacked on the Civil Rights movement to make their gains while blacks just got blamed for everything. Most people don’t know this but Jews started the KKK, AA and the NAACP. These people are parasites of humanity but no one will stop them because most of us believe they are God’s chosen people (they’re not they’re Satan’s chosen people) or the Holohoax where they orchestrated a huge lie to garner global sympathy. See this site for more info: http://onethirdoftheholocaust.com

    Black women are hurting because some black men are choosing to date outside the race, especially rich and famous black men looking for trophies. Of course those white women just steal their money and children and leave them broke. Check these photos out. http://afieldnegro.com. Look at all of these dumb ass brainwashed Negroes. Even Frederick Douglass and the Black Panthers fooled around with white women. Taboo sex is alluring. Black men have been so emasculated that we no longer feel we have any power other than screwing white women to somehow get revenge on the white man. They took everything from us so black males figure we will just take his white woman. He sure as hell ain’t gonna pay reparations or give us the land he owes us so we settle for his whore. Sick.

  99. jabari

    Sex in African tradition was sacred. The uterus and vagina are windows to a woman’s inner mind. When that breach of trust has been tainted, she develops a hatred for her lover.

    As for men, yes, most men CAN and DO have meaningless sex as they are not the ones who have this “window.” No disrespect, but men simply are not wired that way. That’s not to say that they do not catch feelings…they do, just on a different plane.

    The Khazar Conspiracy has fooled the entire world as their hoax is only rival to the AIDS hoax. But, some of us are beginning to awaken to it and are trying to right the wrongs.

  100. Men don´t catch feelings from orgasm? So a woman´s reproductive organs reflect her mind but a man´s organs don´t reflect his? What?? Sister truth I think you´ll have to explain this to me in further detail. As you may have noticed, I´m a little slow.

  101. “….And its known many blacks carry baggage from racism and white privilege…”
    Baggage!? Really? As though racism and white privilege is a thing of the past. With all do respect, I don’t think a white guy has the qualifications to give advice to a Black woman concerning these issues at all. Whites are way too out of touch….in denial and oblivious about racism/white supremacy; which (white supremacy) uses the “relationship” with Blacks as their ultimate “trump card” of aggression against Blacks for their innate need for domination and control and have been for centuries. This sinister dynamic in the disguise of love and acceptance has not changed

  102. Umoja said:
    Whites are way too out of touch….in denial and oblivious about racism/white supremacy.
    I have to disagree with this phrase. The longer I live, the more I realize that the ´´obliviousness´´ is just a front. They cannot be oblivious about racism/white supremacy because their survival depends on continuing the practice of racism/white supremacy.

  103. I think few Black women date white men simply because we aren’t naturally attracted to them; the horrific history done to Black women by White men , we have the innate desire to preserve our own and last; it’s impossible to have a true soulful deep and loving connection with our present and historical enemies; let alone lie die with them. I don’t think it’s an option to date or marry a white man. I think it’s foolish and genetic suicide. It’s not a question whether a Black woman is attractive, valuable, etc. Those questions hold no water and are indeed moot. As long as this system of white supremacy exist, it’s imperative that we stick with our own. Since when did a white man ever in the history of mankind value Black women anyway? Never, not even now.Whites are chasing Black men and women now feeling the “green light” to fulfill their hidden desires to act out their racist programming. I see it done all the time. It is the self-hating uneducated, mentally steep in propaganda Blacks that fall victim to this. This propaganda is in full force along with others in order to depopulate the masses of the African…globally. It’s an OLD war tactic that has ALWAYS annihilated whole civilizations (Aborigines, Native Americans, etc. ). It’s true; the last act of aggression in war that a white man does– is give you his woman. We live in a world governed and controlled by white supremacy; do the math; what makes Blacks think that whites who are programmed to practice and maintain white supremacy and supported to do so; will not act out the subjugation of a Black person given the chance, whether subconsciously or consciously in a relationship? Many desire to act out this aggression and secretly brag about it once the conquest has been done. My nephew who was pursued by a white girl, married her…she calls him n—gr every time there’s an argument while she treats him as though she owns him. Many feel a sense of superiority when engaging in these relationships and act them out accordingly, unbeknownst to the non-suspecting, self-hating, uneducated Black person. We are at war. This propaganda is targeted towards the African populous globally; meant for depopulation and genetic suicide. The offspring’s of these “relationships” are used as “buffers” against the African populous and to create more confusion. How can we dare c0-inspire to create the continuation of disunity; given that we have so very little. Therefore; making it easier for our present and historical enemies desire of domination and control much easier. Prey. History is indeed repeating itself; due to the fact that Blacks have always been ignorant to war tactics….to our demise.
    ( MUST READ)

  104. I meant lie down with them… ( in the first paragraph)
    Not, lie die with them… (typo)

  105. mary burrell on said:

    I am not attracted to them.

  106. Umoja

    I’m familiar with your work, my dear. Very impressive. I have Death of a Dark Nation but not Interracial Con Game or Beauty Con Game. Those are in my “wishlist” and I shall devour them shortly.

    Your points are valid.

    Please know that the game of desiring whiteness has been played and overplayed against us for millennia. The final solution to the Negro problem is to have US destroy ourselves by ways of destroying melanin.

    When we fornicate with the enemy and produce whitened children, then encourage those whitened children to marry white, we erase our heritage through a clever form of eugenics.

    Whites have thought of every aspect to get us to kill ourselves. Remember that Farrakhan warned that the last “trick of the white man would be his white woman.”

    Well, black women are also apart of it too. By playing up the “black men are fill-in-the-blank” game, we convince black females that our own men are bad for us.

    All apart of warfare.

    By the way, when we marry outside of our race and the men die, the white/ Asian woman gets his wealth and brings that back to her white community.

  107. Miss Mary

    While some, and I do mean SOME white males may be pretty to look at, all I want is dark chocolate. Preferably the Blair Underwood kind. LOL!

  108. Blacks are depicted negatively via all media engines, systematic discrimination and racism practice within our prison systems ( giving Blacks longer sentences for the same offence compared to whites–Michelle Alexander, “The New Jim Crow” ), bio-warfare created for the mass genocide of the African populous ( AIDS, eboli, ect ) in addition to the orchestrated poverty and wars in Africa by the US and Britain, high unemployment compared to whites….and the list goes on. Whites are oblivious and unaware to such practices of racism/white supremacy. It has been my experience that when these truths are spoken to the majority of whites—truth is repelled.
    My point is many whites believe many falsehoods which are designed to maintain and support the system of white supremacy. They have no need or value in researching such things—they don’t effect them. Therefore…oblivion and denial. In addition; I repeatedly come across whites who think that white supremacy/racism is non-existent or has little effect on POC. The majority of them practice and maintain this system of white supremacy, yet it has become a way of life due to the fact that they all support, practice and maintain this system. Yes, many practice, but they are in complete denial and oblivion because they don’t have to care because it doesn’t effect them.

  109. You’re familiar with my work? Those aren’t my publications. lol
    Yes, I’ve stated above that the last thing the white man does in war is give you his woman; his eugenics trump card. That’s what’s going on today. History repeating itself, yet again.
    The degradation of the Black woman and man in order to break the bond between the two while praising/dating whites via the continuous propaganda via television, rap, movies etc…is in full affect.
    This further creates and continues disunity in addition further destroys the concept of a “strong Black family” and community; including leaving the Black woman and her children unprotected and at the mercy of the “system” ….left to fend for herself and children in most cases. All intentional divide and conquer tactics….therefore easily controlled and dominated.

  110. mary burrell on said:

    @ Sister Truth: I concur.

  111. Umoja

    Oh, i’m sorry dear!

    I saw your name on trojan horse press and thought you and Miss Pam were a team. My apologies.

  112. No need to apologize Beloved. My vanity and ego has enjoyed the fleeting and undeserving compliment. lol

  113. oooh blair underwood is too fine i love his eyes.I always notice he plays as the abusive boyfriend in movies though that’s kind of a turn off.Denzel washington is cute too.I never thought he was before until i got a little older and i love seeing him with his wife.

  114. mstoogood4yall on said:

    ew that white man in that pic look ugly.Anybody else notice when there is an interracial couple its usually the black person is more succesful and marry an average white[marries down].Yet an average or ugly white marries a beautiful black person[marries up].Its like whites marry up when they date out but alot of blacks marry down because they think white is better.Just look at kanye,hank baskett,and ice t. They have those hoish women and they are worth more than those b@tches.i notice some black ppl will give whites a pass when they get with them,but if another black person had those same personality, looks,and money they would ignore them.That saying that our parents have been telling us is true that you have to be 10 times better than them just to get close to their level. Garcelle Beauvais had an ugly ass white man that cheated on her he look like sid the sloth[ice age] smh. I also notice black women on tv shows have a white man as their love interest or no love interest at all[mammy].They hardly show black love and when it is its a light skinned couple or light skin/dark skin couple,never dark skin couple. Modern jim crow during jim crow blacks were not allowed to kiss in public because it offended whites .The game still the same rules changed.

  115. mstoogood4yall on said:

    Whites have been giving us the same gift every year its just now they gift wrap it. back then whites would be racist to your face,now they hide it out of fear being called racist.I don’t understand how so many blacks can’t see its still the same just more covered up.

    Jim crow/slavery Now

    blacks are called ni@@r rappers call us ni@@a and so do their white fans

    blacks can’t kiss in public there is hardly black love on tv

    blacks are enslaved blacks in prison doing free labor[slavery]

    blacks men used as breeders 70% of black kids born outta wedlock

    house slave obama and samuel jackson
    usesd to keep other blacks in line

    blacks not allowed to read blacks being mis educated

    emmit till trayvon martin, jordan davis

    kkk and slave patrols police

    black women commiting infanticide black women gettin abortions
    so their babie won’t be a slave

    eugenics planned parenthood

  116. Excellent observations–gurl, what did your parents feed you? lol..It seems not many of your generation are that ‘tuned in’…I KNOW i wasn’t & what i did absorb I don’t think I really ‘got’ til I was in college…but anyway, kudos to whomever guided your psyche in that direction. We need more young people to pass the truth on…

  117. T.Bee

    Hollywood and Cali in general is populated by a lot of insecure blackmen. It’s hard for a blackwoman in the acting field to find authentic blackmen who actually love blackwomen. At a certain point, blackwomen are gonna throw their hands up. If a blackwoman is in the arms of a whiteman, blackmen need to point the fingers at ourselves. Yes, some sistas are physically attracted to whitemen, but that’s not the norm for the vast majority of sistas on the planet. Black Woman Empowerment(BWE) has spread across the country, and a lot of sistas are dating men they thought would never get a chance to touch them…Real Talk! Naturally, a lot of brothas are upset about this. A lot of blackmen assumed that they could have fun with whitewomen and other women without consequences.


  118. @Phoebe

    Whitemen control the media, so, it’s in their best interest to create a false narrative…blackmen don’t want to date certain types of blackwomen…False Narrative!


  119. @PhoebePrunelle

    Any WW that brings forth a half-black child with a blackman has to put her pride aside. If she has issues with blackwomen, she need not waste time with blackmen. It makes no sense for a WW to birth a black female child, and brainwash her to hate blackness at the same time. Any non-black female that has children with blackmen should have a heart to heart with her black boyfriend or husband. Society will view their children as black. Is it fair to the non-black parent? They know this from the jump. If they love black, they love it in totality.


  120. @PhoebePrunelle

    Do whitewomen deal with the same psychological baggage that whitemen deal with, as it relates to IRR? Because they’re not black, it prevents them from embracing blackness completely. A whitewoman may love blackmen, but, she will never be a blackwoman. This harsh reality doesn’t allow them to see their black daughters as their own. Whitemen deal with the same issue. No matter how much he pretends to be black, he’s still a “Wannabe” at heart. Wanting his black children to view themselves as fully black is a bridge that whitemen can’t cross because he and his race get no benefit from the scenario. Whitemen know that having children with blackwomen is not helping his side of the family tree. WW are trying to be faux blackwomen, but, they won’t admit the obvious. It’s easier for white females to copy blackness versus that of white males. Black folk should stay mindful of this, which is why the black female/white male dynamic is harder to navigate compared to the other.


  121. @Dr. Reine

    A lot of sistas can marry whitemen, they choose not to. Sistas don’t have to beg any man to be with them, they’re beauty speaks for itself.


  122. @PhoebePrunelle

    Any whiteman that is in a relationship with a blackwoman should avoid comparing himself to blackmen, it’s a losing proposition…Bottomline!


  123. @Herneith

    A whiteman can’t turn himself into a blackman…Not Possible! Sistagirl can’t transform him into Tyrone if you know what i mean. Whitemen need to let that pipedream go.


  124. larissa on said:

    Sadly, white men are not as attractive.

  125. larissa on said:

    Then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder

  126. larissa on said:

    Also, there´s the kids. Worrying about their future, their confusion of their identity etc… Also not wanting to create more mulattoes that only cause even more division when they are elevated above darker blacks.

  127. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @ phoebe…dang, you mentioned Darva Conger! That was like 10 years ago, I believe. I think with Darva, though, it wasn’t only about her being white. She was relatively “old” by the standards of Playboy and although she had a decent body, her face showed that she was older. So I think people saw that as kind of daring because most of the girls in Playboy are 18-25 with big fake boobs, while she was in her late 30’s and had the look of a mature woman.

  128. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @ Christine…I’m sorry that happened to you. Some white folks have called me a nigger, but no white man I’ve ever been with has ever done that. I guess that guy showed his true colors with you.

  129. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @ rob…I’m giving your post the side-eye for a few reasons. You make some valid points but it also seems like you’re stereotyping. Not all Black women are fat and in need of an attitude adjustment. Don’t use stereotypes as a way to rationalize Black men being with WW.

  130. larissa on said:

    I can´t see Cinammondiva´s recent comments. It´s so frustrating. Is it just me?

  131. larissa on said:

    Looks like the powers that be are at it again. Let them continue their bs, we won´t give up so easily.

  132. larissa on said:

    @cinnamondiva, i think someone is making sure that i am unable to see your comments on this post. could you please repost them on open discussion 9? thank you! they must be pretty interesting if I am being stopped from being able to read them.

  133. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @ Kyle…I see what you’re saying and I agree that race shouldn’t be the “end all, be all” in an IR relationship.

    But I think that you need to try to understand from a POC perspective (although you’re white). When you enter into a relationship with a person of a different race/color, you need to be able to deal with many things. I understand that you want to be “colorblind” but the world is not a colorblind place. You need to think of what it entails. Would you be able to handle society’s disapproval? The stares and the comments? Seeing how people (including family and friends) react to you and your partner? Would you be able to help your children when somebody is racist towards them?

    You said: “if you’re gonna date a white guy, you need to be more human oriented, than black oriented”. Okay…this falls in line with what I just said. It would be nice to live in a truly colorblind world where we are all treated the same. But reality is very different. I have been with white men and they all treated me very well. BTW, I’m of mixed race myself so obviously I’m not “fully” Black. However, I could never be with anyone who insists that I ignore the Black side of my heritage. What you refer to as being “human oriented” seems to sound like the white folks who claim to be “colorblind”. I try to treat everyone the way I want to be treated, but I still remember at the end of the day that I am a woman of color and this is how some people see me, too.

    Maybe what you’re talking about is somebody who is militant and has a chip on their shoulder with everyone…I can see how that would be a turn-off. But asking somebody to forget who they are so that you, as a white person, can feel more comfortable? Not cool. Try to understand where they are coming from. As to the “baggage” from racism and white privilege, that isn’t something you would know anything about, but trying to understand is the key to making an IR work.

    It is not impossible to surmount in a relationship, but it can be frustrating when a Black (or mixed) person is trying to explain certain things to a white person and the white person either doesn’t listen or is defensive.

    Funny that you mentioned Tyra Banks. How do you know she doesn’t have deep-seated issues with race? Obviously she isn’t going to show that on TV. And she is hardly an authority on all things black. She is beautiful, no doubt, but I also wonder why she is rarely seen with her natural hair and why her makeup is always so light (although she isn’t a dark-skinned sista). I think she is like Oprah in that she tries to make herself more appealing to white audiences, but occasionally keeping some “blackness” when she wants to so as not to alienate Black viewers.

    I also find it funny that you think a person can’t value being Black while also maintaining individuality. While some Black folks do engage in “groupthink” and have a herd mentality, I believe that many other Black people are individuals who happen to take pride in their heritage. There is nothing wrong with that. I can enjoy life to the best of my ability and be my own person, while also being conscious of issues affecting Black people in this society. Being a “unique individual” doesn’t mean that a Black woman should have to cut herself off from her heritage so that white people won’t feel threatened. It means that she can have diverse interests and be a well-rounded person while being true to herself.

  134. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @ Umoja…have you talked to your nephew about his wife’s behavior? Because calling him a “nigger” is the utmost disrespect and should not be tolerated. That is crossing the line.

  135. Cinnamondiva on said:

    @ Negress….girl, you bettah leave my man alone! *takes off earrings* Blair is too sexy. And I recently discovered an actor by the name of Keeland Ellis. He is so freaking gorgeous. Literally a work of art.

  136. You are not alone. I cannot read them, either.

  137. Especially since whenever Black men choose White women, 8 times out of 10, they are not the “creme de la creme” of the White race. It is usually the rejects.

  138. lol well i guess im so tuned in because i was homeschooled and have had time to reflect.I stumbled onto abagonds blog and now this and have been hooked ever since.I love being on these blogs because the older people on here are intelligent and it kinda rubs off on ppl.I also love watching documentaries like “what black men think” is my fave so far. SO i wouldn’t be able to be so tuned in if it wasn’t for these blogs and great commenters on here who offer an amazing insight into things.

  139. Tyrone
    With Whoopi I think being in Cali in Hollywood perhaps she decided to give it a try, but it didn’t workout for her the white guy thing. Have the money and time and other means to go where ever I still think that if, she wanted she could have found a black man.

    I know from experience it is hard. Even when you get a BM there is no way of knowing up front what baggage you might have to deal with, but I just don’t feel it for WM. They are just… out of rhythm with BW and I feel 1, 2,3, and 7 really apply to BW WM relationships. I have personally seen one come to light in these relationships and the BW never truly forgives herself especially if, children are involved.

  140. larissa on said:

    Cinammondiva, I see that you posted further comments. I don´t know about Mickey, but I still can´t read them. At the risk of sounding annoyingly persistent, could you perhaps try reposting them under a different post?

  141. larissa on said:

    Ok now I can´t read ANY of the recent comments on this post, only mine.

  142. mstoogood4yall on said:

    lol. I don’t think so either but then again i may be biased cuz i’m black and want someone who looks like me.Even the white men women thirst over are not attractive to me [channing tatum,christian bales,george cloney].When I look at white men its feels like how a gay man probably feels when he sees women,He wants to be their friend but he don’t wanna f@k them lol.

  143. mstoogood4yall on said:

    did u click on older comments?

  144. larissa on said:

    yes I clicked but I still I can´t see anything.

  145. mstoogood4yall on said:

    refresh?if that don’t work maybe try a differnet browser like google chrome.

  146. To ALL:

    Please hit Older Comments. This thread has gotten very long so wordpress divided it into 2 pages.

  147. mstoogood4yall on said:

    ANybody else think quentin tarantino is one unstable m@therf@ker.He seem like he gonna go off the deep end like charlie sheen maybe even worse.QT comes to mind of the person who would do number 1. marry a black woman so he can say the n word even more.

  148. mstoogood4yall on said:

    i’ll take a numer 1,2,3,7,&10.thank you

  149. Oh, come one! You don’t think Christian Bale, Channing Tatum, and George Clooney are attractive!? There has got to be at least one exception to the rule. LOL

  150. I can’t stand his alien/terminator lookin’ ass. I wanna see him do a movie featuring his kith & kin (italians) and have the characters say WOP 10,000 times. Then I’ll believe his ass ain’t on some bullshat. lol..

  151. mary burrell on said:

    Bradley Cooper is sort of cute.

  152. mary burrell on said:

    A black man is the only way to go for me. But some white men are attractive they have to be exceptional for me to give them a second glance.

  153. Kushite Prince on said:

    @Tyrone Very well said! White women like Coco and Kim Kardashian are black women wannabes. Nothing but cheap imitations.lol No thank you! I’ll take the real thing!lol

  154. lol no i just don’t like them like that and besides they are married well at least channing is,so ain’t no sense in me lusting after a married man.The only white man i’ve had a little crush on was jason momoa and he is a little native american.lol

  155. mary burrell on said:

    @Cinnamondiva: I really enjoy your commentary.

  156. kyle Blomquist on said:

    @ umoja. Certainly being white I do not, and will never be able to truly fully understand the black experience. I do however, think I am far less ignorant to the plight of African Americans than a lot of people , and to a degree I can understand it. When I said baggage, I mean the sentiment that exists due to what has/is going on in this country.

    I understand that Africans feel stripped of their culture, marginalized, in that they were brought here against their own will, and now live as minorities in a land where white culture is what is mainly relevant to most people. I understand that they feel alienated as a result. Also that they feel angry in seeing how unequal education has disadvantaged their families, and the left over effect from the time when all out racism was in play.

    When I said baggage, it wasn’t meant as an insult or a slight. I think what we have now is natural human reaction to racism and is to be expected.

    Also, lets address white ignorance. Ignorance is the natural state of being before learning otherwise.

    In fact, many whites experience hostility from blacks, and don’t understand why black people have animosity and anger. We learned in school about civil rights and we were also taught that it is over, and that “the dream” has been realized. The perception of civil rights to most white people, is that it was something that happened in the 60’s and that we live in a free and equal society. It is only after a deeper look, that some never take, that we can understand that people are alive today, who were beaten with crowds of whites cheering on.

    Also that father’s and grandfather’s of some of our friends/co workers can’t read because they were deprived of adequate education. We do not experience what you do, so we are not painfully aware of the plight of black people. It is not a willful ignorance. Its ignorance that we are born with.

    Baggage was not meant as something black people instigate, but natural hurt/anger over the situation. Please excuse me if that was offensive.

  157. kyle Blomquist on said:

    cinnamon diva. We don’t live in a colorblind world. Obviously, you would know that better than most. My comment was more along the lines of with Victoria feeling so strongly black, would dating a white guy really fit . She felt really contradicted after clicking with a white guy, and it wasn’t what she pictured, or the life experience she pictured.

    I do think “two become one”. Obviously in a healthy relationship there is differentiation in identities, but you also have to be on the same page and really identify with each other

    Being black is a part of who she is, but if being black, and “blackness” is that important to her, I was just suggesting maybe an IR dating relationship wouldn’t be for her.

    Either way, she seems like a very open minded person and I am sure she will figure things out. (hope your valentines day was nice Ms. Peebles).

    And I do not think that someone should deny a part of who they are to be in a relationship with someone. That would be really non authentic, and would kind of make the whole relationship unhealthy and insincere.

    I would just like to think that it would be possible, to be with someone of a different race, to understand all you could about it, accept their uniqueness, and move on and focus on what you have in common.

    Anyway, I have talked enough , cheers.

  158. Ask yourself why the white person below is trying to speak with you.

    Do they stand to gain anything politically by maintaining circumstances for black men in such a way that nearly all of them have negative interactions with black women?

  159. @larissa

    Appreciating beauty in someone of another race is natural. All of us have eyes. Black people are not the only tribe on the planet. I find other women attractive, but, that doesn’t lessen my desire for blackwomen. The same holds true for blackwomen.


  160. @larissa

    Black men and women should always strive to bring forth natural black children. As it relates to those who are half-black. Are they 90/10, 80/20, 70/30, and so forth. Mulattos are black people with foreign blood in them. The 50/50 scenario doesn’t make sense to me.

  161. Great post and I commend you for your honesty. I find all the reasons you listed valid and probably represent the types of fears that (most) BW secretly have regarding white males.

    I think it’s important that under the conditions of WAR — that black people–look beyond the physical or sexual or financial appeal of a potential white mate and consider the ramifications of sleeping with our collective enemies.

    I’m not saying every white person is your personal enemy BUT there is a good reason why the white supremacy system is pushing (shoving) sex with white people down our throats

    while portraying black male/black female relationships as either defective or nonexistent — in short UNDESIRABLE.


    All we have to do is look at the history of non-white people who engaged on a massive level sex (or rape) with whites to see our own fate, for example, the Australia Aboriginals and Native Americans — who have lost their land, resources, and are now less than 10 PERCENT of their former populations prior to European colonization.

    All non-whites who place whites above their own risk a total destruction of their culture, power, self-respect and eventually total enslavement —

    or to the concentrations in Nazi Germany

    because as Dr. Welsing once said ((and I paraphrase), “The Jews (non-whites) had the highest level of interracial marriages just before they were marched into the camps.”

    Life is NOT just about “feeling good” for a minute

    it’s about BEING GOOD for generations to come

  162. Miss Pam

    Excellent reply.

    I, on the other hand, believe that ALL whites are indeed our enemies and not to be trusted.


    His-story never lies.

  163. honeytreebee on said:

    I alos think that in general white men are not attractive and way too arogant and insecure. He can’t measure up to a black man.

  164. larissa on said:

    There’s also knowing that he will never ever understand what it means to be black, therefore the connection can never be the same as with a black man. He will never know what it means to have to think about your colour, and how it will affect you, every day.

  165. @ Cinnamondiva,

    @ phoebe…dang, you mentioned Darva Conger! That was like 10 years ago, I believe

    No more like 12 years ago. I was a junior in high school. Anyway, i guess i never considered her age–which is interesting. But still, white women pose nude for male mags all the time but when women of color do it–especially Black women–it is hypersexualized. I am guessing the thinking behind this is that only healthy, red-blooded men of any race would want to look at white women in “suggestive” poses and outfits. If you are a male of color who prefers looking at women of color in male mags then you are trashy and oversexed and so are the women.

  166. Robby on said:

    My wife is black and we have been married for almost eight years. We live in Kalispell, Montana and have two great kids. When we lived in the South the only time we had any trouble was from blacks who called my wife Kizzy a traitor and a cracker lover. Here in Montana we get looks at times but nothing like we had before, and even if we did we could care less. We love each other and have a wonderful family. I have a couple of videos of us on YouTube feel free and take a look.

  167. Most Black women in AmeriKKKlan don’t like White men and don’t seek them out because we love and prefer Black men above all other races of men. Many Black women aren’t attracted to White men either.

    I am attracted to some White males myself however I prefer Black men because I can relate to them better and because they are much better looking than White males. I don’t like White males at all nor do I even desire them as friends either. Most of them are rude, biased and think that they are God’s gift to women when they aren’t. I could never date a White man ever nor do I want to ever in my life. I’d stay single before I date a White man….but there are a few exceptions.

  168. Sandra on said:

    The reasons I can’t picture myself with a white man is:

    – I want beautiful black babies, who look like me and remind the world that black is beautiful too
    – I don’t want to have to deal with white women in his family treating me the way white women treat me now; with disdain.
    – I want a man who understands me and my culture.
    – I want a man who can hang out with other people of my race. If he’s white he must be able to be the only white guy in the room and be at ease.
    – I agree, white men scare me. The way their kind treats minorities does not make for a great relationship.
    I agree they come across as emotionally and spiritually empty

  169. Unless the man has a family truly devoid of white supremacy you will never be apart of his family. You can see the wincing and disgust in their face. The white spouse will hide you on facebook and in real life. They will resent their half-black children. They will grow tired of white ostracism. Once attaining money or status they will run to an asian or white woman in the blink of an eye.

  170. Good gawd I think Christian Bale is sexy as hell too…it really is a crime.
    I say all of this to say, you’ll get nothing but agreement from me, not only on your crush but the reasons why. So why are Black women so receptive to all of this and Black males aren’t? Do any ideas come to mind? No that would be a dope follow up to an even do per post.
    BTW, it’s refreshing to know I’m not the only Black female in NYC who shares similar sentiment.
    Be blessed.

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