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diaryofanegress

Observations of an Invisible Woman

The Great White Hope

Look at this couple:

Notice a trend? I’m seeing a lot of good-looking, well-to-do, black men who date, consistently, obese white women. I never really paid attention to this phenomenon. In fact, I really don’t give a shit. It was my friend X, that I went to visit in NYC, that called it to my attention. We were strolling along Washington Square Park, looking at the jugglers and the break dancers, when she said, “Hey…look there…another one.” Another what, I wondered?

Another brother with his fat, white girlfriend. Boy, they don’t even care anymore to go for the pretty, white girls…as long as she’s white, they’ll bow down and grab her. Self-hating Negro.”  I stopped gobbling my Mango Gelato, turned and looked at her in slow motion and wondered if she was correct. Hmmm…maybe she’s on to something here. I have seen this plenty of times before but didn’t really stop to think about it. Why do some black men date and marry obese white women? This is seldom seen in the world of celebrities. Rich, good-looking black men will only date slender, blonde, stunningly good-looking white women. Some theories as to why:

1. Self hatred is a funny thing. When you,  a black man, look into the eyes of your black woman, you’ll see every fear, hope, disappointment and sorrow life has to offer. After all, she is the other half of your Negro self. A white woman has the ability to make you feel “better” about being unemployed, broke, dark-skinned, having prominent features and being uneducated. She is your “insurance” that someday you, the black man, will be accepted into white high society. Being with her elevates you to that “other level” you’ve been striving for your whole life.

2. An obese and unattractive white woman is considered to be amongst the dregs of white society. Her own white man will not have her. She, in her need to be adored, chooses the one man who is desperate enough to adore her simply for the colour of her skin and his own insecurities.

3. When a wealthy black man has “made it“, a black woman is no longer considered to be on his “level“. He must do as they do, walk as they walk and have what they have if he is to be on the same playing field.

4. They are, in simple terms, in love.

Now, I don’t believe that every black man who prefers white women does this out of hate for his black women. There are many reasons why this occurs. Preference may be one of them. I asked a black male friend once why he likes blondes. His answer was, ” Truth, why do you like pistachio ice cream?” I answered, ” Because…I just do.” His response, ” Same here.”

What are your thoughts?

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109 thoughts on “The Great White Hope

  1. mary burrell on said:

    I s.ee this everyday on the commuter trains going to work, in church, the supermarket. And what’s so killing about this is they are’nt attractive, not smart.some look disheveled. But they demand a sister be on top of her game with hair and make up and everything else, Yet they date these troglodytes. go figure.shaking my head. This is one of the things in my day to day exisitence that leave me confused

  2. I’m not confused…self hate is rampant.

  3. mary burrell on said:

    Usually those are men that I feel have low self esteem issues, and she knows her own men from her race will not have her. I refuse to hurt my head any more trying to figure out this foolishness.

  4. I see this too, and most of these white women look like crap. Then again, the black men they are with look no better lol.

    All joking aside, I do believe that low self-esteem does play a major role in these kinds of relationships, and it shows in both sides of the field.

    The brother may (or may not) have had rough relationships with black women. Whether they are partly, mostly or completely his fault is another topic, but he feels unloved by black women and therefore, he feels like blackness is bad.

    As for the white woman it may be similar, but she only feels that white men are lousy and not whiteness entirely. She finds a brotha who’s just like her and they hook up.

    That’s one explanation.

    Also, one could say that they don’t rely on appearances, or the opposite, those appearances are what helps turn them on. A fat white woman with more chins than Mt. Rushmore and less teeth than Spongebob may be his “turn on”. Likely, that white woman has a thing for black skin or rather BBC (big black cock).

    Then again, it could be love, and it shouldn’t concern us. The trouble is that in this society when the subject of race is still an issue, when we see some black men with white women, we can’t help but ask “why?” Even though it’s none of our business, unless they are entertainers in which the tabloid press make it their business to inform us of the latest interracial relationship escapade, Black women and black men want to know why. Sometimes we conclude that they are self-hating negroes who would die for white women faster than love black women. If that’s the case, why is that so? And thus, we research, ask questions, and draw our own conclusions. None of which makes us feel any better.

  5. Brothawolf
    Even though I added love to my supposition, I’ve always wondered why we never see the reverse.

    We very seldom see a rich white woman with a poor African man. I don’t disapprovt of this pairing, per se….I’m just wondering why they happen. Also, one cannot deny that black man/ white woman relations make me think of sex. While black woman/white man pairings make me think of privilege.

  6. Yea, but we always do see rich and famous white women with poor African babies.

  7. If self hating negro loves him some fat ass heifer, then go ahead with that, but some penalties should be leveled at that negro. Let it be know that when go over there you will have to stay there. Please don’t drag any Black women down to your self hating level. Also, that’s more Sistas for us Black men who us some Black women. In fact, Black women should just look at it as someone weeding themselves out. We don’t need that kinda sell hatred breeding anyway.

  8. Because the power lies with them.

  9. my obese white mother commented to me when i was young and i have never been able to forget it: “white men want a trophy, black men want to prey on your low self-esteem.” i still don’t know what i think about this.

  10. Sorry that you had to hear that at such a young age. Do you think it’s true?

  11. like i said, i’m not sure. it certainly paints men in general as predators. my mom had a lot of mistaken beliefs about men, and wound up with a continuing stream of terrible relationships. in terms of what i think, i have consistently tried to go in the other direction from her beliefs and behaviors. however, there is a grain of truth to what she says in terms of some men of any race.

    my point in bringing it up was to offer another option to the black man-obese white woman scenario. it may have to do with his low self-esteem, and it may have to do with needing someone else to have the low self-esteem so you can feel powerful, wanted, catered to. you’ve heard the saying about ugly partners being the best because they’re just so thankful to be with you and really want to please you…

    living in minnesota, i’ve been seeing this scenario for many years, it’s not new. it’s no less surprising to me today, but not new. i don’t presume to know what’s going on in anyone else’s relationship, and to each his own. it’s interesting to speculate, though. 🙂

    do you think that idea is true?

  12. Well…please know that throughout history, women have been:

    1. Property
    2. Victims

    As to how these are perpetuated in relationships, that’s social conditioning. Yes, I’ve seen black men with obese white women that choose them for the reasons I’ve surmised.

    And white men, who traditionally have the money, tend to view beauty as a trophy. But….on the other hand rich black men tend to choose pretty but POOR white women.

    I think power is the underlying cause of it all.

  13. mary burrell on said:

    Brotha Wolf comment about rich white women and poor African babies that’s a topic for another show. LOL. But I’m curious about that. I have lots of thoughts on that subject.

  14. I will explore that as well.

  15. Tyrone on said:

    Negress

    I’ve never believed in the concept of “Racial Preference.” In my mind, it’s not natural for a man to dislike the women that birthed him, especially blackmen. Loving blackwomen is not a middle-ground kind of thing. A blackman loves his reflection or he doesn’t. Yes, a blackman can be sexually attracted to women of other races because we’re men. As the saying goes…(New Car Smell—New P***y Smell). Not loving blackwomen is unacceptable…Blackwomen Only & Blackwomen Plus are the only two options that blackmen have. Sistas have to be in the picture either way. I love sistas passionately, at the same time, i don’t have a problem with refined brothas taking full advantage of their blackness and sexing non-black women at the same time. Again, refined is the operative word. At this time, real blackmen are not active in “The Swirl.” C and D level blackmen are the kind of men who are active in the game. As to so-called successful brothas chasing after skinny blondes, they’re in the same boat with the hood brothas who chase after fat and ugly whitewomen. The looks of the whitewoman don’t matter, both sets of blackmen are not A-Level, which means, a blackman can love his black sisters and mingle with other women as well without stabbing sistas in the back. Loving sistas and sexing other women have nothing to do with each other…one is emotional, the other is physical…Ditto! Also, all blackmen are not worthy of love and affection from Nubia. Some of us are violent, lazy, dumb, too short, too fat, johnson too small, and so forth. This issue is about blackmen not loving themselves, not blackwomen. Blackwomen are the truth and the light, any man with a spine has to acknowledge that, regardless of race. So, whitewomen and other women need not waste their oxygen throwing stones at Cleopatra, Isis, and Sheba…Real Talk! Remember ladies, these so-called brothas are not A-Level? Negress, black people watch too much tv, which is why white media has no problem parading these frauds all over the tube. Sistas, don’t waste time with pigeons, fly high with the eagles…Black Eagles/Brown Eagles.

    Tyrone

  16. Tyrone:

    Before imperialism, black men lived, fought and died for their families. After slavery, men and women were taught the most destructive element of black life:

    Self-hate.

    If you hate yourself, the master doesn’t have to kill you…you’ll be more than happy to kill yourself. Hence drugs, gang violence, domestic abuse, etc…
    Black men who choose, EXCLUSIVELY, to date white women, a la Dennis Rodman and OJ Simpson are suffering from the Willie Lynch Syndrome.

    You are correct when you stated that hating a black woman is hating yourself, but with the illness that plague our community, many fail to realize this.

  17. Tyrone on said:

    Truth

    Blackwomen need not tolerate the bs. For a long time, sistas were brainwashed by their mothers and society to bite their tongue, Why? Why should a blackwoman pretend to like “that” type of blackman? Speaking for myself, i don’t want those kind of men around me. All the brothas that i’m cool with, are passionate about blackwomen. Doesn’t mean we’re gonna be perfect all the time, but our heart is in the right place. As with the bs, blackmen have to detox from all of the s**t that’s been shoved down our throats over the centuries. Blackwomen can’t make a blackman love himself , all of us have to take that ride on our own sista. Be encouraged Queen, in due time, the nonsense will cease.

    Tyrone

  18. Tyrone on said:

    Truth

    It’s 2012, blackmen are still trying to win a game that’s already been won. Yes, women love chocolate between their thighs, tell us something we don’t know blackman? I’m amazed at the number of brothas who still make a big deal out of IR sex between blackmen and whitewomen. The internet is the source that expedited the process. Before, it was just a fantasy in the minds of WW, actually seeing BM sexing them took it to another level. Now, whitewomen have turned into (BBC Addicts) with no intention of slowing down anytime soon. In the minds of WW, it’s a win-win proposition. If their mixed child marries black…more black…marries white…blacker white people. This is how they see the issue. Truth, i have more to say, but i gotta bounce sista, money to make.

    Tyrone

  19. Ok…talk later.

  20. Alchemist on said:

    When I was in grad school I met a black female psychiatrist that mentioned returning from a conference and seeing a black man in the airport showboating with a white woman that had one arm. No disrespect to amputees. Someone that is missing a limb has lower social capital in the marriage marketplace. The premium put on whitness makes up for the missing limb.

  21. Excellent comments.

  22. phoebeprunelle on said:

    Lol wutt???

  23. phoebeprunelle on said:

    I don’t know why a man would want his woman having a weight problem like obesity. I would say these brothers are dysfunctional to want a woman be she white, black or other to be uncomfortable, embarrased, having few clothes choices and so forth.

  24. phoebeprunelle on said:

    Also, I need to add, that most REAL women i know would not be caught dead overweight. We have too much ego, pride, and I deserve to look good in lingerie and a pair of black pants (my favorite).

  25. When ego and esteem are the main culprits, one tends to forget about looks.

  26. Phoebes:

    Food like heroin is a potent drug. No wonder why we self medicate through macaroni and cheese.

  27. Sister truthbetold,

    I don’t know what to say on this one. If I were to live in textbooks, I could diagnose ‘self-hatred’ among other things. But being a Black man, I must admit that ‘self-hatred’ may more apply to Black women dating outside the race than Black men dating outside the race; mostly because it’s the woman who always chooses the partner.

    Really, ‘consciousness’ is rare and diverse among the mis-educated people of America. So a ‘learned’ person can be like Brother Tyrone and see only African women as his gem; but a ‘learned’ person can also be like Cornel West and see any woman as his gem. As long as we don’t have our own consciousness propagators, being ‘learned’ won’t be indicative of ‘race purity’ so to speak.

    But case in point, most African Brothers can tell you that European women FAWN after us. Our most attractive Brothers may be approached by African women, but from what many of us experience, the overt sexual attraction to African men is more exhibited by European women than African women.

    You’re subtitle is “Observations of an Invisible Woman” but with African men it’s not quite the same experience in regard to invisibility. On the streets, I can walk into African women before they notice me. But if I sit in a public theatre, European women would crawl over me. It doesn’t matter that I’m sexy; the cultures are different.

    You earlier write that we don’t see rich White women going for poor Black men. This is not true. See the phenomena known as “Rent-a-Rasta.” Middle-aged White women regularly approach Black men in sex tourism. They are much wealthier than the men in question.

    The only thing true is that White women fulfilling the White Beauty Standard would rarely be seen with a poor Black man. But that’s because the White man protects his women (from Black people.) And also, those same women are rarely seen with poor White men.

    Nevertheless, this phenomenon where a White woman wins a Brother might have to do with the fact that other Sisters did not win that Brother. It may also partially be due to the self-hatred taught to us in that we, especially we pursuing education or activism, disassociate our Brothers and Sisters from education and thereby look to Europeans; but it’s not so much self-hatred as it is confusion.

    For instance, I’m sure that there were plenty of hook-ups at “Occupy Wall Street;” but the Black presence was lacking and the Black participants may not have been exclusively interested in Black people. Ergo, in pursuit of their interests, they crossed the racial threshold, but it’s not directly self-hating, it’s more ‘confusing,’ i.e. OWS is a White and useless movement that lacks intelligence but claims otherwise.

    I do not support any race-mixing, but I can’t really judge these experiences. We kind of know that for some men when a woman throws herself at him he needs some great reason to not catch her. Waiting for that Sister is a great reason; but sometimes pessimism kicks in. I’ve heard Sisters say the same thing about Brothers, but it’s different: the woman chooses the partner–the man only approaches.

    I should tell you about dating . . . lol . . . Sisters don’t seem to know that they must first choose before a Brother can approach.

    A Brother and I were standing behind this Sister who seemed like she was giving signs that we should approach, but kept in her circle of friends and never fully turned around. She just danced like . . . Mmmm. Needless to say, by the night ended, neither of us spoke to her.

    In that same setting, a White woman would glance over her cup and even APPROACH a Brother or compliment him then ask questions.

    I can see that fat woman having been active in getting and keeping this chap. I don’t supported it, but it’s instructive.

  28. Historically, no one loved a Brother more than a Sister; and vise-versa. Oh that historical love was legion!

    But I think that, that love for one another has faded.

    But European women still have an eye for African men. In fact, Shakespeare wrote this on the subject:

    “Black men are pearls in beauteous ladies’ eyes.”

    He was referencing an old phrase.

    The reality is that White women (and White men) find the African man physically and sexually superior.

    The White man (and White woman) finds the African woman physically and sexually superior, too.

    But we are told that in this society “physical” and “sexual” are bleh and we are ‘mentally’ inferior. Now this is a lie. Yet White people have Potemkin villages wherein it almost seems true. For instance, White people say “These are the smartest people” (in the schools) and “they are all White.”

    If I didn’t sit up there with the top Scientists of New York and see that they were dummies, I probably would look at that achievement and be confused too.

    But what’s important is to know that we are confused and mis-educated: so Black people noticing their mental superiority will often identify outside of Blackness (rather than coming to the right conclusion that they are lied to) and you have such things as . . ..

    Mainly, what I am writing is that we kind of forget that we are the sexiest people on the planet by all standards. When we realize this, we see why that White woman is going after than Black man and why that Black man receives her. You can buy gold from someone for cheap if they think it’s copper. But you can’t blame our people if we think that we’re copper. It’s not ‘self-hatred’ per se, but confusion.

    Maybe I should (someday [my schedule is already full until the 7th, lol]) write a post on this–didn’t really realize that I had so much to say–but I don’t see how we are fair on our Brothers when we condemn them as self-hating.

    I just can’t stand the sight of White women and I just can’t relate with them; but I can see how a White woman acknowledges the sexiness of a Brother more than many Sisters do.

    If the Sisters went out and told the Brothers that they were sexy more often, I think interracial relationships could near completely disappear.

    But as it is–White women let you know you’re sexy–like divinely sexy. I can see Brothers being flattered; because White folk nearly always lie, they ain’t lying about our sexiness.

    If you still talk to any White folk, you should observe a White woman’s reaction to that “Dreadlocked” Brother’s photo. Like tell her that he’s your new man. Watch her reaction . . ..

  29. Though, I won’t front, some Black women do make you feel sexy. But it kind of depends on her view of herself. If she fancies herself model-material and you’re not model-material, you’re lucky on a date–until you set the balance in the bedroom. 😉

    But that’s another conversation. :p

    Still, I think White women are more openly flirtatious. At least from what I have seen. Like they’d talk to you in a theatre and pull their dresses to expose their pasty, nasty legs. 😡

    Many Black women just plain won’t look at you. You have to do ALL of the work in getting a Black woman. I still remember this experience in the park where two beautiful Sisters just stood there ignoring me as I moved and motioned to see whether they could acknowledge me.

    In fact, I remember a few Brothers and I checking out some women in a cafe. On an outing we saw one of the women. She noticed us as the group of three guys. WE HAD NO IDEA THAT SHE SAW US!

    Ok–I’ll stop.

  30. ynotme on said:

    @ Onitaset

    Sister truthbetold didn’t say “we don’t see rich White women going for poor Black men”

    She said, “We very seldom see a rich white woman with a poor African man. I don’t disapprovt of this pairing, per se….I’m just wondering why they happen. Also, one cannot deny that black man/ white woman relations make me think of sex. While black woman/white man pairings make me think of privilege.”

  31. Ummmm..Onitaset?

    You love coffee don’t you?

  32. If you mean Black women, of course.

    But if you mean coffee, no.

    Still, I’m interested in how we are socialized. It doesn’t appear that Black women are socialized to be sexually aggressive. I can’t tell what runs through a Black woman’s mind; but in terms of sexual aggression, oftentimes the White woman is more aggressive. The White woman is hideous, sure, but sexual aggression is more “White.”

    Even for men.

    The White man has no qualms with intoxicating a different woman every week for sex and the White woman has no quibbles either.

    It’s something to include in one’s analysis.

  33. I’d wager rich White women going for poor Black men is way more popular. Maybe not for marriage, but sex tourism is huge.

    I’d think both relations are for sex (for Whites) and privileges (for Blacks.) Though a White man can gain privileges too.

    I do not approve of interracial relationships; but I’m not convinced that a White woman can take a Black man from a Black woman. There needs to be more to the picture.

    Our ancestors have said:

    Judge by cause, not by effect.

  34. I really don’t know where you get off saying that black women don’t let black men know that they are desired or in your words “sexy” and that self-hate can only pertain to black women in relations with white men???

    Did i miss something? Cause i’m pretty sure with those lines of reasoning i did.

    But why is saying to a large population of men (black men) that i will never meet–that they are “sexy” is important anyway? If a woman is placing too much value on you based on perceived sexiness–which is subjective anyway– then i would beg to infer that she is way too shallow for any long-term committment.

    I think what needs to be addressed is the fact that there is a such thing as African codes–of frienships, family, and even sexuality. Traditionally, black people–whether progressive or not–have not been ones to display our sexuality in public arenas. This was left in the bedroom. This observation that you have of black women being generally not responsive to a black man’s said “sexiness” is really not that at ALL. It is her doing what African women have done for ages and that is to reserve all innuendos, hugs, kisses, and so forth for her and the said brother’s private space.

  35. White women have never been my thing. Here in Cali I see interracial couples every day. To each his own but black women are the best hands down. They’re superior to white women in ever aspect. I never could understand these brothers with fat white girls.lol It’s beyond me. Why would I date outside my race AND lower my standards at the same time? It’s doesn’t make sense to me. I’ll stick with sistas.

  36. Mickey on said:

    I believe that comes from a belief in the Black community that men should be the agressors, so women do not have to step (or should not step) to men. My mom once told me years ago as a teenager to “let the guy pursue you.” I had no problems attracting the opposite sex (and still do not), but if I so much as smiled at a guy, she would go off. She said that smiling was an invitation. I was just being friendly since I am, by nature, a friendly person. She later realized the error of her ways when a more modern-thining relative of hers said that it was okay for females to approach males. My mother was of the school of thought that women looked desperate when they approached men. I think many Black women of her generation had that mentality.

  37. ynotme on said:

    @ phoebeprunelle

    Very well said!

  38. But I think that, that love for one another has faded.

    I think you may be basing this conclusion off of the limited voices from the internet, particularly from those black people who get online with the sole intent to cause chaos and divisivness.

    78% of married black men have black wives (this number would be even higher if black men were not misrepresented in the penal system and could thus maintain substantial employment to raise a family)
    88% of black men who have a personal income of 100,000 or more a year are married to black women
    Black male professors and sociologist are the ones leading the movement in repairing and preserving the black family though research, writing and teaching.
    Black women who hold advanced degrees are more likely to marry black men by the time they are 35 as opposed to their white female counterparts who hold only a high school diploma or GED….

    If this is not black love at its finest, then there never will be.

  39. @ Phoebes:

    Excellent comment.

  40. @Truth,

    Thankx. . . i really don’t get how a topic like this always turns into “it’s because black women don’t do this”. . .

    WTH????

  41. Hmmmm…most often women will get the blame for their partners lowered self esteem. That’s why relationships fail.

    Also know that in this parings, the man has no power. A white woman can easily harm him with one phone call to the authorities. In his mind, he rules due to her appearance and his perceived sexual domination but her power lies within the system of supremacy.

  42. I meant by my statement Truth that instead of dealing with the question, some black men will respond that black men will go for any white woman because sisters are not doing something–whatever that something may be–to lead them in the arms of white women, yet it is these same men who will clown a black woman for being five lbs. overweight, but then deem white women who are obsese–morbidly so at times– as understanding/appreciating him for the scrong black man that he is.

    This is the classic case of valuing undesirable qualities in the out group of women yet demonizing these same qualities from the in group of women….

  43. Yes. I find our women incredibly subtle. Unbelieveably coy and subtle.

    But it’s not the same social setting where that can work. In Africa, or in the old days, there were certain mating rituals that we undergone. For instance, on the Continent we’d have women line up and men line up and the two would engage in some activity designed toward attraction. In the old days, men and women would attend the local dance spot and profess their mutual interests there. But things have far declined since. So being coy and subtle is not helpful.

    With my ex- I had to have real game. But she confided in me how the men who had the gall to approach her–as she is hot–were married and attached men, men with nothing to lose. Understandable, few guys want to be rejected, but we perceive rejection when the woman seems uninterested.

    I can’t tell you how many times I’m with a Brother and I point out a woman and he shys away because she’s “busy.”

    It’s something to look into.

  44. If the woman is the sexual aggressor, then she’s the one who chooses the mate. You don’t blame the victim, especially when there’s no reason that the victim should do better. I.e. There’s no educational programme saying “Hate Whitey.”

    In a Black-woman interracial relationship, she’s the aggressor insomuch as she can easily reject the White man. Not to say that a Black man can not reject a White woman, but it’s not really up to the Black man whether he’s accepted or not. The woman accepts the relationship. Ergo, in accepting the historical oppressor, the woman is acting out of self-hatred.

    White women are historical oppressors too. But for one, some people don’t know this, and for another, it’s her, as a woman, accepting the Black man.

    Men don’t really have a choice.

    To call Black men sexy is to acknowledge your personal sexiness. If you can not find Black men generally and exclusively sexy and so fawn for them, then it’s probably because you do not find yourself generally and exclusively sexy. We can see this in how much we pursue ‘style’ that doesn’t look like us: straight hair, light-skin, colorful nails.

    I know that we do not traditionally display our sexuality from the Continent to the Diaspora, but when this was effective we owned social institutions for which we could openly flirt and court.

    When you have lost those institutions, but neglect to openly flirt or court, it’s a bad practice that more dissuades than persuades. We get it–the women are nice and good, but if you won’t so much as look at the guy, never mind a smile, he’d be hardpressed to approach you.

  45. There’s much, much greater examples of Black love from our ancient past. Where Black women and Black men risked death for their loved ones.

    Today is not remotely comparable. Ok–you married someone and divorced later–how is that reputable?

    Those statistics mean nothing compared against actual historical data. White people marry one another and they don’t love each other. Marriage isn’t Love.

  46. You need to be serious about the subject.

    We went from a people with Mating Rituals to a people who do not know much about courtship.

    Once upon a time, say in East Africa, men of the village would catch things thrown from women of the village then approach the women and ask if she threw the artifact. From there, they got to talking and a relationship happened. We had similar rituals all over the Continent.

    Today, some of our women walk into a cafe like their name is “Pum Pum nice” :-p and look like only a fool or a million bucks would approach them.

    Not that there are not ‘down to earth’ Sisters, but I’ve read many men who wondered where to meet them? They may well be, by and large, homebodies; yet the commentary on society is legitimate: We lost our social rituals and it’s partly responsible for the disintegration of our families.

    This isn’t a “Black women don’t” thing insomuch as it’s a “Black people don’t.”

    I remember meeting my ex- in a library at a swing dance event where I just took a huge gamble approaching her to dance. When we were finished, after a very well dance, I had to create a pretext to get her number–“dance again.” But through it all, I really, sincerely thought that she wanted to “dance again” rather than get together.

    Maybe you should ask a person on the streets where he can meet ‘down to earth’ women. He’d return the question. When we don’t own social institutions that are not pandering to stereotypical crowds, we miss out on good experiences (or go into another’s social institution and fall prey to their tactics.)

    For instance, a curious person in America concerned with “How to get laid” unwittingly learns “How to get laid from a White woman.” For instance, you can’t meet a Sister in a bar, intoxicate her then have sex with her in the bathroom; not usually. But White folk do that like it’s normal . . . well it’s normal . . . for them.

    It’s not “Black women don’t.” Just, we really need social institutions to correct this situation because right now we’re doing the wrong things.

  47. Mickey on said:

    When I was a kid, I used to hear Black men and women say that if you are going to date outside of your race, at least date someone that is attractive. Don’t just show up with someone that is just White.

  48. Yeah I hear you.lol I’ve heard that before too.

  49. Great post! You’re on point with this post! I agree 100%!

  50. Tyrone on said:

    Brothawolf

    As a blackman who has been around other blackmen discussing this issue at length, it’s about the sex my brotha. Sex may not be the only component, but, it comprises 90% of it. As we all know, white females have been off limits to the vast majority of blackmen in this country. Today, whitewomen have no barriers preventing them from realizing their swirl fantasies and vice-versa. There are 2 types of brothas in the swirl game…blackmen who have sex with non-black women and blackmen who enter into relationships with them. What distinguishes the 2 groups of men? Sista-loving blackmen are attracted to women who look like blackwomen in color and phenotype…Thai, Indonesian, Malaysian, Indian, Sri Lankan, Persian, Greek, Italian, etc. Blackmen who don’t love sistas, will jump into bed with anything, no matter how unattractive she is. One group of brothas have high standards and the other one does not…Bottomline! The main reason J-Lo and Kim-K are tolerated by blackwomen to a certain degree, is that, they can see why a brotha would want to f**k them…Simple Logic! Doesn’t mean they want blackmen to start chasing after them en masse, but, they can wrap their brains around “It.” Blackmen have to love their reflection before they can love every other woman on the planet, we need to understand that. If god didn’t want (Dark Eros) to exist, blackwomen and blackmen would not be as beautiful and alluring as we are. Dark Eros is the inter-racial side of the equation, for those who don’t know. Black Eros is the black side, and Global Eros is the intersection of both. All 3 came to me over the course of time. I was conflicted about this issue for many years…i love sistas, but, i was sexually attracted to spanish women back in the day as well. Like most brothas, i assumed i had to have an all or nothing stance on this issue, which is not realistic. Expecting blackmen to ignore other women on the planet is asking a lot of us, we can only resist so much sistas. At the same time, loving blackwomen is much more important. Blackmen wouldn’t be attractive to women on this planet if we were diluted. Brown skin, kinky hair, athletic ability, sexual prowess, women love that ish. Without Nubia(Sistas), we would be in the same boat with other men…Real Talk! There is no need for blackmen to fear whitewomen, asian women, etc. The planet is in the palm of our hands, god gave us all the tools to rule the planet, it’s up to us to maximize those gifts. Brothawolf, over time, blackmen will not be afraid to wear the crown, which is the ultimate objective.

    Tyrone

  51. Tyrone on said:

    hunglikejesus

    I view “The Swirl” as a test for blackmen. Loving whitewomen and asian women is easy, loving blackwomen despite all of the temptation is impressive. Meaning, a blackman has discretion, taste, and control over his penis. Yes, other women weed out the slackers that are less than manly. Blackwomen get the A+ blackmen, and other women get the lesser.

    Tyrone

  52. Tyrone on said:

    Onitaset

    Great comments brotha! This is the real real, as it relates to whitewomen. Whitewomen have checked out on whitemen. I can’t come up with any other reason as to why they would pursue one group of men at the expense of their own men. Of course, a lot of women fantasize about a blackman sexing them. However, it’s just a fantasy like any other, doesn’t mean they want to become pseudo-blackwomen. They’ve gotten a taste of fudge, and they’re hooked. We don’t need white females, they need us.

    Tyrone

  53. You’re whole post looks like a blame game. . .

    I will state it again. . .

    Black women are no more unapproachable than white or other racialized groups of women.

    The statistics of black marriage refutes your whole biased theory.

    For instance, a curious person in America concerned with “How to get laid” unwittingly learns “How to get laid from a White woman.” For instance, you can’t meet a Sister in a bar, intoxicate her then have sex with her in the bathroom; not usually. But White folk do that like it’s normal . . . well it’s normal . . . for

    Okay, it’s like the same brothers that say this shit–“like i wish a random black women who i don’t know will screw me simply because i give her the eye” are the same brothers that clown sisters for being sluts and whores???

    I’m sorry sir, your logic is wack!

    Not that there are not ‘down to earth’ Sisters, but I’ve read many men who wondered where to meet them? They may well be, by and large, homebodies; yet the commentary on society is legitimate: We lost our social rituals and it’s partly responsible for the disintegration of our families.

    Epic fail… what is however impacting the black family is:

    a misrepresentation of black men in the penal system (which leads to the inability to gain substainable employment and subsequently forces many of the women these brothers have children with to apply for public assitance which under laws state that a man cannot be present in the household for her receive help. Put two and two together and you will see that if a brother has been in prison and can’t find work; he’s likely to end up there again and the woman he has a family with is left no choice but to take assistance depending on her education levels and earning potential. It’s a cycle)

    High rates of unemployment in the black community that hovers around 14% (you can’t get married and raise a family if you can’t put bread in your mouth)

    Missed opportunites in higher education (for both black men and women, although women seem to have a leg up on this, it is still quite low the number of sisters gaining)

    I can keep on, but i will stop here. I have given you facts not some half assed theory in which black women are at the center of the blame for not being as “approachable as white women”. Whatever the hell that means.

    But brothers like you are going to keep coming back with the irrational theories–you know–the brothers that say they are sooooooooo down with the cause and the black family yet show subtle contempt for black women every chance they get.

    Cheers!

    🙂

  54. phoebeprunelle on said:

    Those statistics mean nothing compared against actual historical data. White people marry one another and they don’t love each other. Marriage isn’t Love.

    Ok so let me get this straight. . . black people do the right thing–committ to one another and make it official so that they are raising children in the most stable environmrnt possible, yet this doesn’t really, really mean they love each other???

    Yet you are the one complaining about the down spiral of the black family.

    Damn, black folks can’t win for losing.

    Smh.

  55. Tyrone on said:

    Kushite Prince

    I agree 100% with all that was said. Slavery hurt us more than blackwomen, our forefathers were castrated mentally and sexually. We see the evidence of this in our race all over. Black Love was put on hold for hundreds of years, we can’t deny the impact of that on our race. Seeing and hearing whitemen rape our foremothers scarred the psyche of many a blackman in this country, especially those in the South. You live in Cali, the genesis of this insanity. It was never supposed to go as far as it did. We wonder why black males in LA and other cities in the state don’t care about dying? Blackmen killing each other and turning their backs on sistas compliment each other…both are forms of self-hatred. The same group of men exist in both realms, think about it black people?

    Tyrone

  56. Tyrone on said:

    Sista Phoebe

    Black men and women actually like and love each other. The same can’t be said for whitemen and whitewomen. My own theory…the average college-educated, professional, single white female would love to have Denzel in bed with her at night, but, whitemen still have “The Cake” so to speak. In essence, white females marry whitemen because of financial and status reasons, not burning desire. If blackmen were in better shape right now, whitewomen would be crawling over each other to get them a “Dreadlocked Brotha” that’s at the top of the homepage. Sistas will run thru a circle of fire to save the last brotha on earth, Would whitewomen do the same for whitemen?

    Tyrone

  57. You wrote:

    But why is saying to a large population of men (black men) that i will never meet–that they are “sexy” is important anyway?

    In light of the fact that White women travel to Jamaica to get Black men.

    And you wrote:

    Traditionally, black people–whether progressive or not–have not been ones to display our sexuality in public arenas.

    Though everyone knows that White women flaunt their flat asses.

    But somehow

    Black women are no more unapproachable than white or other racialized groups of women.

    Because of marriage statistics?

    You do know that there are three types of lies? Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics.

    You want to believe statistics instead of your own eyes and your own testimony.

    YOU wrote down that Black women have a different approach to flirtation than White women.

    YOU write down that Black women are not unapproachable; BUT I’m telling you that White women APPROACH guys.

    It should be beneath you to distrust your own eyes and your own testimony to trust STATISTICS conducted by the people who kidnapped you.

    It can be true that Black men are marrying Black women across the nation. But what’s that to do with the price of bread?

    We’re talking about interracial relationships and you’re saying “Everything is fine because the White man (Statistics) said so.” Calm yourself.

    Okay, it’s like the same brothers that say this shit–”like i wish a random black women who i don’t know will screw me simply because i give her the eye” are the same brothers that clown sisters for being sluts and whores???

    Sister, this wack logic is touching on a more relevant point than your statistics and your fear of being called out of your name: we do not have the social institutions with which we can court ourselves. We are acting within the confines of European social institutions wherein they necessarily have a leg-up at it’s their outfit.

    White people are largely sluts, whores and rapists. Sure. But what about it?

    Are you saying that we are accultured to proper courtship? How do you figure that?

    I can keep on, but i will stop here. I have given you facts not some half assed theory in which black women are at the center of the blame for not being as “approachable as white women”. Whatever the hell that means.

    You may need to reread–I pointed out the decline of social rituals not Black women blah blah.

    We always were misrepresented in Prisons, we always had higher rates of unemployment and underemployment and we always had missed opportunities in higher education. But that hadn’t stopped Black couples until today.

    Essentially, you here communicated a standard entirely dependent on Europeans: The man must never have been imprisoned, the man must be employed by Europeans (as they are all of the Employers), the man must be (mis-)educated by the European (as they are all the teachers) and yet somehow you’re missing the fundamental message here. All of this has to do with the social institution of European people and nothing to do with African people. The last standard “of education” is perhaps one of the worst that a Black woman can tell a Black man. Ironically, it’s an artifact of ‘the blame game.’ But you’re not paying attention to the social roles.

    Men and women do not have a place to meet up; to mingle; to socialize; to court one another. That’s the serious defect in question.

    I understand that you are coming to the defense of Black women, but you’re doing it at the expense of Black men and it’s Eurocentric.

    I brought Black women into the equation because there’s no Black man without a Black woman. You can’t discuss one without the other. If you want to know who is bringing conflict between the sexes it’s you. I’m simply pointing out that I do not think that any Black woman can lose her Black man (and vise-versa.) Why do you not think that the Black woman is relevant to the discussion of Black male interracial relationships?

    But brothers like you are going to keep coming back with the irrational theories–you know–the brothers that say they are sooooooooo down with the cause and the black family yet show subtle contempt for black women every chance they get.

    I never heard anything like this. Few people are half as authentic as I am and few people have honored African women more than I have; yet because I can not view the African man without the African woman, I’m considered a fraud despite that the sacrifices that I made for African people far outshine even the auditor in question. This is absolute absurdity.

    Certainly, you should think before you write and do your research. I defy you to find a better record of an advocate of our race.

    It’s a pitiful and ugly habit to misspeak before you do your research.

    What contempt is there for Black women by saying that we no longer have mating rituals? I am surprised at how low some people will go to prove a point. Someone would denounce a real-life organizer of African people to defend what? If things are so peachy then why is this Black man turning to this White woman? That’s the question that needs to be answered.

  58. Tyrone on said:

    Onitaset

    It’s easy for WW to throw the P at blackmen, they just want sex. Blackwomen can’t approach sex from that perspective. Hooking up with the wrong brotha can have lethal results. All the killing, awol fathers, hiv/aids, etc. If a sista chooses wrong, it affects the race as a whole. Whitewomen don’t have that burden around their necks in the same way.

    Tyrone

  59. Tyrone on said:

    Sista Phoebe

    Are most of us aware of these facts? We have a generation of blackwomen who believe that all the refined blackmen are taken, which is not the case.

    Tyrone

  60. My parents were married and they divorced.

    It’s been like that for us since at least the 1930s.

    If you want statistics, look how many single mothers there are. What’s marriage have to do with love?

    Can’t you love without marriage?

    I do not see why you are bringing your anger into this space. You talk about ‘logic.’ Why don’t you go swap your ‘anger’ for it.

  61. I’m not approving of the White way; just showcasing the cultural differences.

    For instance, what social institutions do we have for courtship?

  62. Tyrone:

    I agree with you that marriage for most whites seem to be for financial reasons. In fact, I’m doing a post about that. It will come out very soon.

  63. When discussing issues of black on black love or the lack of it, emotion tends to win over. Many blacks still believe in the institution of marriage. In fact, some consider a live-in partnership to be “living in sin.”

    I think you all have valid points…

  64. I disagree with you on the motive for why white people marry each other.They do it for ONE primary reason and that’s to perpetuate the white race. White + White = White. White + anything else = non White.

  65. This was a GREAT discussion!

  66. Easy for you to say, your character wasn’t attacked.

    I was likened to a man who held a subtle contempt for African women. That’s such a hurtful comment. With how much love I have for African women, to be attacked like this is unsettling.

    Apparently it’s contemptuous to voice one’s observations. I never heard of this.

    Methinks the subtle contempt (for African men) however is on the part of the woman who brought the idea into question. Maybe Sister truthbetold will write an article on those African women who attack African men for putting forward their observations on the courtship skills of African people in America.

    I do not see why people are attacking others here. I thought that immaturity of that nature was limited to when the Occidentals entered.

  67. This has been interesting.

    Perhaps a follow up post is due?

  68. Maybe a collaboration where we talk about Black love over dinner?

    :-*

    You won’t need to invite “Dreadlocked Man,” “Dreadlocked Brother” is here. :-p

    Just joking. Maybe? 😀

    Sister, you can write a post on anything and we are appreciative that you already do. 🙂

    Though, we definitely need to do other work toward the promotion of Black love.

    When a Sister attacks me, you know we’re in a rut. :-p

    Thanks for the post, Sister.

  69. I get “attacked” for positions all the time, suck it up and keep it moving! It’s supposed to be like family here ( at least that’s how I feel), and “family” will let you have it every now and then!

  70. Because of marriage statistics?

    You do know that there are three types of lies? Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics.

    You want to believe statistics instead of your own eyes and your own testimony.

    YOU wrote down that Black women have a different approach to flirtation than White women.

    YOU write down that Black women are not unapproachable; BUT I’m telling you that White women APPROACH guys.

    It should be beneath you to distrust your own eyes and your own testimony to trust STATISTICS conducted by the people who kidnapped you.

    It can be true that Black men are marrying Black women across the nation. But what’s that to do with the price of bread?

    Damn right because of marriage statistics….

    Who the hell said that these were not my experiences? Again your lousy argument keep getting holes poked through it.

    i can go outside my house right now and see a myriad of healthy relationships between black men and women…yet “sisters are unapprocable b.s.” will still resonate with some..

    Women approaching men is contigent upon a said woman’s personal style and prefernces… this can hardly be talked about in general terms…

    My own eyes tell me from high school through to post grad school (even at the whitest universities) that there are no shortage of black men for black women who so desire them…. i think you are taking those figures out of context…

    Certainly, you should think before you write and do your research. I defy you to find a better record of an advocate of our race. It’s a pitiful and ugly habit to misspeak before you do your research,/blockquote>

    There you go with baseless assumptions. Most of what i do know comes from two and a half years of undergraduate coursework in Africana Studies (get this,at an all black university) from an all black faculty and staff, resulting in a degree in Pan African studies… two sides to every story, brotha…

    Methinks the subtle contempt (for African men) however is on the part of the woman who brought the idea into question. Maybe Sister truthbetold will write an article on those African women who attack African men for putting forward their observations on the courtship skills of African people in America

    No sir…using some skwewed reverse mechanism to try n flip my words is an epic fail…YOU came on here saying the following:

    Well, let’s just say,what you said was…

    “I don’t like ww, but if sisters told brothers they were sexy more often…

    and what of those sisters who are already taken by black men–is it her place to show affections for men not in her marriage?? and what of the black women who prefer ONLY black men in their dating/marriage choices–they are not telling black men how highly they think of them?

    Dude you really sound like you don’t get it!!!!!

  71. phoebeprunelle on said:

    Tyrone,

    Just stop Man!!!

    No one but your brother Onitset is saying that black folks don’t really, really love each other because we get married to each other and that marriage/committment doesn’t prove we want to be together. As strange as that theory goes…

    What whites do in their marriages is irrelevant to me.

  72. You know what’s, actually, a good follow-up?

    “Awkward Black Girl.”

    I watched the series. So did a lot of Black women siding with Black women over Black men.

    But though it is a Black production written by a Black woman, the protagonist, also the writer, is pursued by two men: Black and White; then chooses the White. The Black man–at the guitar scene especially–wipes the floor with the White man.

    Yet advocates of “Black love” support the production though it’s interracialist.

    I think that, that is a good follow-up. Why are Black women supportive of “Awkward Black Girl?” Something akin to this may be interesting. 🙂

  73. How come my posts aren’t showing up?

  74. OK, that one showed up. Lets try again.

    Average Black Man is given a choice:

    Fat white woman
    Fat black woman
    Fat black woman with kids

    Which one you think he’s gonna pick?

  75. Who the hell said that these were not my experiences? Again your lousy argument keep getting holes poked through it.

    Observations don’t have holes in them.

    Apparently, you contest that you went to the Whitest Universities, that Black men and Black women do not largely attain higher education, that you went to an all-Black school and the Black family is disintegrated as well as there are a plethora of healthy Black relationships.

    In other words, you contradict yourself one-hundred-and-one times, but without any point.

    You went to school for two-and-a-half years, congratulations. What’s your point? Why should I be concerned about your “success?”

    No sir…using some skwewed reverse mechanism to try n flip my words is an epic fail…

    Please grow up with this “epic fail” talk. It’s the height of immaturity to emulate the fifteen-year-olds of the internet, Miss Post-Grad.

    Dude you really sound like you don’t get it!!!!!

    I do not get it. You’re writing contradictions and posing awkward questions and emulating children. What do you expect me to get?

    You’re arguing with me that Black women should not call Black men sexy. But why are you doing that? What exactly is so fascinating or interesting or worth fighting for about arguing against the sexiness of the Black man?

    Are you a serious person or are you just a woman who gloats of her multiple contradictions and her fancy schmancy degree?

    Please tell us what schools you went to. I’d like to know what programs produce uselessly argumentative gloaters.

  76. You went into spam.

  77. Satan:

    Your views are myopic. Not every woman falls into the fat category.

  78. For the record, I never wrote that Black people do not love one another. With all your (mis-)education you should learn how to read properly.

    I wrote that the love we had for one another has faded and is weaker than it’s historical counterparts.

    If you noticed, the hostess here uses the phrase “Self-hatred” which denotes the same sort of phenomena.

    You really should better represent your education, rather than writing “Epic Fails,” Miss Pan African Studies.

  79. Dumb seems more fitting.

  80. R. Thomas on said:

    On any given day in any corner of the freakin’ universe, I’ll take the Black woman, kids and all. How in the name of 7 h*lls are you going to ever going to let yourself get that wrapped up in someone you KNOW is only looking at your triflin’ a$$ because her own kind didn’t want her?
    Negro PUH-LEEZE!!!

  81. What, what and more wutt???

    I did not attack YOU, i attacked your views…

    I added my program of study since YOU seem to think there is only one side of the coin and b/c my ideas are not the same as YOURS that i must not know what i’m talking about…

    I did not say it was me who went to the whitest universities–it was my black husband who did, (Univeristy of Utah) who was surrounded by a plethora of ww yet he married a black women…..i met him at an all black university…when he relocated. He Ge even told me that the few black men there on campus bypassed ww if they could get dates with bw on campus…again there were not many blacks there but they seemed to have run after each other when being surrounded in a sea of whiteness…

    Let’s back up a bit….those statistics i posted—i think YOU should know that they were conducted by two black men sociologist, one by the name of Ivory Achebe Toldson….don’t question me, question him–and btw….he went about the research in a way that was ethical to black people….

    You shouldn’t be concerned about my “success”. It was only for the benefit of ensuring that i have some means to help raise the children that i will one day have…thus not contributing to the already horrible reality of some black women bringing kids in this world unmarried and no proper education to really support them. Dr. Francis Cress Welsing–another black scholar–says that black women and men should acquire as much education that they can to be sustainable–but oh i forgot–under your estimation that’s “white” stuff…

    Sure i’d be happy to. . .Fisk, Belmont,… Univerity of Dar es Salaam…

    Apparently, you contest that you went to the Whitest Universities, that Black men and Black women do not largely attain higher education, that you went to an all-Black school and the Black family is disintegrated as well as there are a plethora of healthy Black relationships.

    Ok now this is serious….what is really the issue here? Maybe i like to play around in debates, but i don’t think you are this jaded to really misinterpret numbers, not aknowledge the fact that HBCU’s were established in the U.S. after the civil war and that there is a percentage of black kids who go to college choose them. I said that there are factors that impact the black family, but it is not as bad as people like to let on–hence the statistics by Toldson. And yes, it is my observation and life experience that black men and women overwhelmingly prefer to be with each other.

  82. phoebeprunelle on said:

    Oh no my friend….

    I have my beef with these bw as well. However, no one on these blogs seems to be doing post about them where i can light up in they ass!

  83. phoebeprunelle on said:

    I wrote that the love we had for one another has faded and is weaker than it’s historical counterparts

    I seriously doubt this is the reality; however, if one is basing ALL black men and women on a few dysfuntional black people who frequent BMV or BWE blogs….then i guess there is not hope for you…

  84. This is an attack:

    But brothers like you are going to keep coming back with the irrational theories–you know–the brothers that say they are sooooooooo down with the cause and the black family yet show subtle contempt for black women every chance they get.

    You should verily realize that I’m not only uninterested in your life story, I’m very uninterested in your life story.

    As to not having ideas akin to mine, that’s irrelevant when you up and claim that I hold contempt for Black women at every chance I get.

    As to experience in a White college, you weren’t there. You’re relying on gossip. Please be quiet.

    Everyone knows that White schools have Black fraternities but that’s very, very irrelevant. Firstly, it’s a school setting (which is largely irrelevant to not only the Black experience but the life experience–“two-and-a-half years”) and secondly no one is discussing campus courtships.

    I understand that you’re a young woman who just graduated and think that you’re smart and bright and an honor to the race, but soon reality will hit you. Talk less about your life and go outside and interact with real people for once.

    Truthbetold already promised a thread on the Black Bourgeoisie. I can imagine you’d relate to that detestable lot.

    And who cares if a Black sociologist made a study? What about it? A Black sociologist said that Black women should marry White men; is that something to cite?

    Use your sense, first and foremost, and deal with reality, first and foremost.

    Maybe you moved to the suburbs, but I’m dealing with an environment where ten-year-olds sag. What you’re relating may be relevant to you, but it’s pointless and irrelevant to me. And frankly, I don’t care. I just find it ugly and disturbing that you’d accuse me of holding a contempt for Black women. It’s just your small-minded immature attitude that will likely get you divorced from that Black man.

    Just look at your nasty comments:

    but oh i forgot–under your estimation that’s “white” stuff…

    Why don’t you grow up sweety? Your “Epic Fails” and “Oh I forgot” and “I like to play around in debates,” and what have you is pathetic, ugly, sophomoric and childish. Personally, I find it deplorable that you consider raising children when you yourself haven’t grown up.

    Regardless, let me give you a relic of an interview a woman I knew conducted on a regular gentleman on the streets:

    so I asked him if he considers the community to be a connected one, or one that he is proud of. He seemed thrown off by the question, but he thought about it and answered “no” and explained to me that there are young girls who have sex with much older men, for “rewards,” mostly money. And that there are no fathers around, and mothers who work too long to be with their families.

    Maybe this will be a reality check for you to grow up with your internet combatant tripe and attaching upon everyone your limited experience with people in certain blogs where you lambast men and women for sport and think that you’re accomplishing something.

    I’m organizing around the world and you’re flaunting your stupid, little degree and pitiful little life like I’m supposed to give a crap. You have a lot to learn kid.

    When I was in college, a Black woman stumbled into my dorm room drunk, and another Black man was ready to rape her, so I stood up to this bulky man and pointed him from that direction. I never spoke to the beautiful Sister after that, but she certainly wasn’t raped. That’s the difference between deeds and words and you’d be smart to recognize that when you toss around stupid comments on other people based upon your inexperience and immaturity that you’re more saying things about yourself than others.

    ‘Cause I stand up for Sisters and Brothers when no one else does. You just toss insults and sum everyone up providing only entertainment for yourself in hauling harsh epithets at sometimes true heroes.

    Get a life and grow up.

    Sorry, Sister Truthbetold but somethings need to be said. Kids get on your nerve and they need to be set right.

  85. As to experience in a White college, you weren’t there. You’re relying on gossip. Please be quiet.

    I said i also attended Belmont…how is this gossip? Maybe you didn’t understand something i said?

    It’s just your small-minded immature attitude that will likely get you divorced from that Black man.,

    You are barking up the wrong tree!

    Truthbetold already promised a thread on the Black Bourgeoisie. I can imagine you’d relate to that detestable lot.

    Looooook you are kicking a straw man!

    Most blacks who hold university degrees can hardly be called bourgeoisie. Middle class–maybe–not upper crust…

    I’m organizing around the world and you’re flaunting your stupid, little degree and pitiful little life like I’m supposed to give a crap. You have a lot to learn kid.

    I also said Dar es Salaam…

    And frankly, I don’t care. I just find it ugly and disturbing that you’d accuse me of holding a contempt for Black women.

    Maybe you don’t….but when you make statements like “black women are unapproachable and that’s why some black men end up with white women”, that doesn’t sound good…

    Personally i think the few bw/bm who are with whites are there because that was their orientation in the first place….

    And the whole sexiness thing,

    If you are a bm with a bw, why would you care if other bw think you’re sexy or not? This is were black infidelity can occur and possibly encourage homewrecking….Obviously i think highly of bm–i am with one.

    But i’ll say if it makes you feel better–

    Black Men are indeed the best.

  86. I feel you Tyrone. The interracial love is in full swing out here.lol If anything I think it causes more confusion than anything. I think brothers need to be there for sistas. We shouldn’t abandon them once we have a little success. I know it’s hard for a lot of black women nowadays. We should be promoting unity and building strong families. This thread is proof that we have some unresolved issues at hand. Black men are supposed to be the leaders in the community. I think we have seriously dropped the ball. I think both us have to accept some of the blame. Black women aren’t perfect either,but the blame game has to stop. We all have our faults,there’s no denying that. We should be uplifting each other–not tearing each other down. Alot of this is the residue of slavery and the Willie Lynch syndrome. We have to learn to trust one another. It will take some time but I have faith in my people. And dating a white woman is NOT the answer. I don’t care how many sistas I meet with a negative attitude. I know there are a lot of beautiful,intelligent,supportive sistas out there. I’ll never switch to the other side. Keep the faith.

  87. I’m not a rapper,movie star or athlete–and I’ve dated quite a few beautiful black women. It’s all about confidence and believing in yourself. Women for the most part are attracted to confidence without coming of cocky. Your statement is very silly. You must not do very well with women.lol I suspect you might be white as well.lol

  88. Sista Phoebe
    Are most of us aware of these facts? We have a generation of blackwomen who believe that all the refined blackmen are taken, which is not the case.

    Tyrone, logical and positive thinking black men and women know these facts…

    Only the black people who are dysfunctional, believe the opposite;

    These are the black people who shame other black people–mainly online though–who say anything in the interest of black people..

    But Tyrone, i think you were the only one besides Truth and ynotme who understood why i gave the figures about black marriage. It ain’t ALL that bad but if some black people want to keep having self defeatist attitudes–then well, it can’t be helped.

  89. phoebeprunelle on said:

    Tyrone,

    You said it was a myth that the best brothers are with ww…yet you say black love is on hold..

    Ok, please don’t confuse me, lol

  90. Phoebes:

    Do you and Onitaset realize that by bickering you are both actively emulating the Eurocentric persona?

    Onitaset:

    By quarelling with Phoebe, it makes this difficult discussion personal. A follow up post is in order. Vexing our brethren is counter productive.

  91. But i stopped the bickering a couple of posts up…

    My last two were more apologetic than anything.

  92. Sister, you just finished reading the “Mis-Education of the Negro.” One theme in the book is that these “Educated” Negroes are the most backward and harmful to the race.

    The actual servicepeople of the race are lambasted by these “Educated” types who are removed from reality and hateful toward the race.

    At some point they are not your brethren. Read how she dichotomizes the people as “dysfunctional.” You can’t make this up.

    We really need to clean house. When the “Educated” accost you with their degrees and their limited experiences, we need to address them then move on.

    I’m done, though the woman is doing despicable ‘degree flaunting’ and misquotations, I realize that some of our race members are lost causes who only need to grow up on their own time when the reality of their poor personality manifests.

    As Lauryn Hill says in “Lost Ones,”

    Consequence is no coincidence.
    Hypocrites always want to play innocent.
    Always want to take it to the full out extent.
    Always want to make it seem like good intent.
    Never want to face it when it’s time for punishment!

    Though that might not be the exact lyrics. Lol.

    Good song though. 🙂

  93. Fat black woman with kids.

    I’m guessing though…

    Wait–is this a trick question?

  94. Also Truth,

    I would hardly call it bickering…exchanging ides, but this is your blog mistress

    🙂

  95. Ok Truth,

    Delete my comments, didn’t think it would get this out of hand.

  96. Sister truthbetold,

    I do not believe that the deletion of any part of this conversation is fruitful to understanding the psychology of our race.

    Here we have a woman who has not apologized, but wishes to change the record because she didn’t think that insulting a man would ‘get out of hand.’

    The woman in question, having no respectable service record with regard African people, decided up until this point that her evening was well-spent in denouncing and degrading the opinions of others and contesting African service people in a demeaning and distracting way.

    I trust your judgment because you are a capable intellect and writer and I would never apply any bondage upon you–unless you so liked ;-), but I want you to know that I disagree with the idea of taking back this woman’s words.

    Our people need to be held accountable for their words; and those who call our race members ‘dysfunctional’ need to be put on front street, not hidden amongst us to gain respectable positions than do a disservice upon us.

    Let the White folk hide their Sardunsky’s (?) in plain sight. We need to expose our charlatans, frauds and enemies and not allow them to backtrack when they reveal themselves.

    This woman told all of us how intelligent she is and how unintelligent we are. We shouldn’t forget this.

    Her record should not be deleted. Maybe next time she’ll think before writing garble. But for her errors, let the consequences be wrought!

  97. Onitaset and Phoebe:

    I will leave all comments, not as an indictment but as a learning tool for us all. As we blacks better understand what white supremacy is and how it affects us, arguments will occur, tempers will flare and egos will get bruised. But at the end of the day, we’re still family.

  98. You are eloquent and wise.

    It’s true that I love our people; all of them. 🙂

    That’s a nice mood to hit the hay with.

  99. Sorry to go off topic but; why did you have to mention Mango Gelato?! That sounds sooo good!

    As for the topic; self-hate is a brutal master. Those that suffer from it are living a life that those that hate them applaud. That alone should be enough for people to free themselves of the burden of hating themselves. But ultimately self-hate is the primary thing taught by mass media in this country to non-White people. Some are able to fend off the message and sadly some aren’t.

  100. It’s NEVER been the case that all good Black men are taken, and I can’t figure out for the life of me why educated Black women who should know better, have continued to believe this big LIE.

  101. OK. no more kidding.

    The main arguments in this thread seem to center around two types of peope and their fallacious arguments

    1. The “Hotep sister, you must be more receptiive while I go get me a white woman ” Passive-Aggressive Afrocentric Pimp and

    2. The “self-hatred is the ultimate cause of all the of black man’s emotional problems” Soul Brotha/Sista

    First, the Soul Sista. The whole ‘black man hates himself when he looks in black woman’s eyes’ argument fails to take into account that the black man may actually really just hate black women. This is not a difficult conclusion to arrive at, considering the situations that a lot of black men go through. Some of the example statements that black men hear from black women (American version):

    – You ain’t shit!
    – You ain’t gonna be shit, just like yo daddy?
    – Nigga, you ashy! (See the American complaints regarding Usain Bolt’s interracial relationship)
    – The various base and demeaning comments that are made about black boy’s noses, lips and his other Negroid features.

    Hardly anyone addresses the verbal and emotional abuse that young black men face, yet they have no problem criticizing the black boys when they grow up. This results in the

    These comments can from any one of the black women (and I mean black women), that are close to him, from his mother, on down to his teachers and schoolyard comrades.

    The man in the picture may just be a fat fetishist. The man with the white amputee may have been with her before her amputation. But by putting yourself in the story as the central character, everything starts when you get there, not before. And that is the main problem with the whole soul-sista/brotha character – there is almost no hint of self-examination. No stopping to think that they may be ignorant of what another black man may be feeling.

    Luckily, all that that the black racio-misogynist has bad for him is that he hates black women. Hate is merely the passion separated from passionate love by a barrier as thin as wet tissue paper. The true opposite of love is indiffernce, which brings us to :

    1. The “Hotep sister, you must be more receptiive while I go get me a white woman ” Passive-Aggressive Afrocentric Pimp

    Onitaset, er I mean Afrocentric Pimp, there is nothing wrong with not being romantically interested in black women. And there is nothing wrong with being attracted to white women. You’d simply be joining numerous other black men such as Kwame Nkrumah, various Senegalese presidents, Franz Fanon, MLK Jr., CLR James, Cheik Ante Diop etc. who have had some of that other, other, white meat. Hey, at least you can stop keeping the sistas in suspense.

  102. No, but with the levels of obesity the way they are in America (and Jamaica), it is a VERY large (no pun intended) category.

  103. Sheeeettt. At least someone had the sense not to take me seriously.

  104. @ Satan:

    Ok…ok…good points and yes you may be correct. Many black men do hate black women. Many black women are abusive towards her black man. But ask yourself the origin of that hate.

    We never abused one another by means of verbal and spiritual assault before the destruction of our people, so…..think that over.
    As blacks, we deal with so much crap from BOTH sides that it’s not hard to see why we struggle as a functional romantic unit.

  105. A Food Industry follow-up post to come soon, my love.

  106. Qualities of a moral order are measured by deeds.

    My record is out there and your record is out there. You are in your forties but you engage in ‘kidding’ as a worthwhile pastime. Please only reference me by my name: Onitaset.

    You might wish to provide a base humor that involves unnecessary and unintelligent humor laced with irrelevant and irreverent information, but try to do so through using my proper appellation.

    As to the harm of interracial cohabitation, it’s very real. Europeans are tribalistic and domineering. I see that you do not understand that ergo your aimless opinions that reflect this misinformation; but please keep your inexperiences to yourself.

    Some of us struggle to make the world better; you seem to only struggle to make people laugh. It’s sad that your easy struggle is so difficult for you.

  107. OK. This bickering has gone on for TWO days and it lead nowhere. Last night a young woman who made valid points left hurt and angry…something I don’t want for our people.

    Why all the personal attacks? This thread is meant for discussion and it’s turning personal.

    Soooooo….from this point on, NO MORE PERSONAL ATTACKS ON THE FAMILY!!!

    AND I MEAN ALL OF YOU.

  108. You are in your forties

    LOLwut!!! Can I LOL at that?

    We never abused one another by means of verbal and spiritual assault before the destruction of our people, so…..think that over.

    My “people” aren’t destroyed. Hanging in there? Yeah, for sure. But destroyed? Aside from that, little niggle, we again have another problem – The Black Africans as Noble Savage myth. Not sound like some Jungian, pr some evolutionary psychologist but people have always had problems, whether white people brought it on, or some raiders from Dahomey killed your brother, leaving you to take care of is wives and children, or you’re a Tiv woman trying to escape your husband, there;s always going to be some psychological warfare to keep you inyour place. Just is.

  109. Tyrone on said:

    Sista Phoebe

    Yes, black people do love each other, are loyal to each other, do marry each other. I’m guilty of falling into the trap as well, thinking the sky is falling when it’s not. We believe what we see in media, which is not the best approach. You bring real numbers to the convo, but, if all we see in mainstream media are stereotypical black athletes, actors, and suits with other women…it creates a false perception in the minds of most blackwomen. Another thing, Phoebe, Ty is down with the cause. My comment about black love being on hold was misinterpreted. What i meant to say…blackwomen and men were not able to experience “black eros” organically. Sex became a chore for both parties, instead of the pleasurable experience that god intended. Yes, our bond was never broken, we’re still black. At the same time, black manhood and sexuality were turned upside down. A normal, well-adjusted blackman has a strong desire to love blackwomen mentally and sexually, both go hand in hand. Today, blackwomen have to guess about a brotha’s love and dedication to the women of his race, which is bs to me. It should be obvious for all to see, just saying. Phoebe, Stay True!!!

    Tyrone

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